Question for 2nd moms that had their babies — The Bump
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Question for 2nd moms that had their babies

I know you're probably not even *supposed* to even think about this BUT, emotionally, how do you feel about baby #2 now that they arrived? Everyone always says "you love all your kids the same" and I'm sure it's true, but obviously since I only have 1 right now, I'm kind of scared that I won't love #2 enough. I know I'll love him with all my heart of course, but I'm SO crazy about A, that I just can't imagine being this crazy about another human being. Again, I know I'm going to love love love my 2nd one, but I think there's something special about your first born, idk. Then again, since we're more than likely only having 2, I guess Abraham will always be my first, but my 2nd will always be my baby. Which makes me wonder, what happens if I do end up having a 3rd? Ah, Idk I swear, the things I think about these days! Am I totally effed up though?!!? Or is this normal?
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Re: Question for 2nd moms that had their babies

  • Clari, you are not alone with these thoughts. When I was pregnant I had those same exact sentiments - I could not fathom loving any child as much as I do my Big E. But you know what, after delivering baby E, this subject has not crossed my mind. In part is that I've been so busy with both little ones. But also, this time around I have "fallen in love" quicker than I did the 1st time. I think it took me a while longer to realize "i have a son" when I had Evan. We obviously develop and nurture our relationships with the kiddos over time and even though baby E and I are just in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, there has been such a connection. I can't say my love is the same for both but I can say that I don't love1 more than the other...hope this makes sense.

    But I hear you on there being something special about the 1st born...the excitement during pregnancy, the laboring experience, and having the little one in your arms for the 1st time is truly a once in a lifetime experience. But now that #2 is here, I still feel there is that special bond with #1 but #2 has brought many new experiences as well that are different than the 1st time around and creates a different special bond.

    So I would say it is normal of you to think these things! If not, then we can be abnormal together! :) Don't stress too much about this, it will all make sense when you hold baby #2 in your arms for the 1st time with Abraham sitting right next to you. xoxoxo

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  • I love both of mine to pieces, but Nicky was an EXTREMELY difficult infant and is a very hyperactive and disobedient preschooler. Adrianna is honestly the world's easiest baby, so I guess I tend to favor her a little right now because she doesn't ever cause me any stress or reason to lose my patience.

    When I was pregnant with her I felt so sad that Nicky wouldn't get all of me anymore, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Because he requires so much attention at all times and Adrianna is laid back, she is the one that gets the shaft. LOL.

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  • I think all the answers to this question sound very cliche but I think they're all very valid.  My answer is that I do honestly love them both just as much (not that there is any kind of barometer) but I have a very different relationship with each kid.  This wasn't the case in the beginning but ever since Kate's personality developed it's been so different.  It's kind of like having two best friends that you love very much.  You like different things about each of them and you relate differently to them.  I think watching them play together and love each other really seals the deal and gives you the warm fuzzies about loving all your children but there will be times that you favor the one who is less maintence with each milestone.
  • imageSnshine:
    I think all the answers to this question sound very cliche but I think they're all very valid.  My answer is that I do honestly love them both just as much (not that there is any kind of barometer) but I have a very different relationship with each kid. 

    This! Obviously, I only have one child but I would think this is how you would feel. You love all your children the same as in I would die for you love but your relationship might be different because all kids have different personalities. I have heard from moms of more than 1 that they have a "better connection" to one then the other. As an example, I get along better with my mom than my sister does. The reason is because my mom and sister are both very high strung and I am laid back. When she gets in her moods I just "uh huh" and leave her alone whereas my sister will snap back at her LOL

    The LOVE thou, is the same for both <3

  • I think every Mom goes through these feelings when having #2. I've seen enough episodes of A Baby Story when there's already one child in the picture to know that. On a personal note, my god-daughter Mom went through deep feelings with this when she was pregnant when her little boy. She didn't know how she could possibly love Ryan as much as she does Carlee. The end result was much like what Dawn said. She loves them both but loves them differently. Carlee was her first born but Ryan is her "Mommy's Little Boy" and since Carlee has always been a MAJOR Daddy's Girl (in a sick way her sun literally rises and sets in him lol) she loves that Ryan favors her. He does get the shorter end of the stick though lol Carlee got all new stuff etc. Ryan clothes, witht he exception of gifts, is all hand-me-downs from other people's kids. 

    My MIL seems to have the stronger relationships with my SIL (the oldest) and Alexis (the baby) Alexis is definitely the favorite in the sense that she does anything for him. My SIL and her have a very deep relationship they talk about everything. My BIL and her get a long fine, but she doesn't feel the need to take care of him as much.

    All that being said. I see how much I love J now and I totally understand why Mom's go through these emotions.

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  • i felt like that through my 1st and 2nd tri with evan. i think i even blogged about it a while back lol. it's pretty scary so no you're not effed up. in fact, when we first found out that i was pg i kept telling myself that there was no way i could do be able to love two children, i almost was trying to convince myself. as i kept prepping for evan and as i hit my 3rd tri along with having my baby shower and seeing the reality of all his stuff i am now convinced that he is just another piece of my heart. i *know* i can love both my kids and i hope i do the best job i possibly can when he is here in just a couple of weeks ;)
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  • Well I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I just kept feeling like a terrible person for even thinking about it. I'm sure it'll be different this time around. I was sorting out some of Abraham's newborn clothes yesterday night and I just started crying because he is growing up SO fast, so I'm glad that there will be another tiny one here soon (though he will grow up too fast as well I'm sure, and I'm not going to become a Duggar just to have a tiny kid in my arms lol). I'm just relieved to hear that other moms have felt this way and do have the same love for their kids.

    Thanks ladies!

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  • Clari, I felt the exact same way! It was a serious worry I had. However, since Isabelle has been born I have not even thought about it. It was like the second I laid eyes on Isabelle my heart had room for her and I never looked back.

    Isabelle is so small that I already love her for different reasons. And if its possible, I love Sophia even more now that I see her as a big sister - even for all the little (or big) ways that she is acting out right now. I can see now how I will have a different love for each as they grow up.

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