Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Our son died at 16weeks 6days on September 22, 2010
The greatest thing you?ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return" ~ Moulin Rouge
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information of grief/ loss of a child
We got nothing from the hospital. They didn't comment on the fact that we had lost our baby at all. We got a few "you'll try again soon" type comments from nurses.
My MIL works in another hospital and brought us a huge packet of information that they give out to all miscarriages/stillbirths.
What did your hospital do? did they give you information on burial, counseling, grief. What do you wish they did?
I'm filling a complaint against our hospital and just want to see what other places give out/do.
TIA
Our son died at 16weeks 6days on September 22, 2010
The greatest thing you?ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return" ~ Moulin Rouge
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Re: information of grief/ loss of a child
TTC #1 since May 2010. BFP #1 - 5/31/10; m/c on 7/22/10
Started seeing RE in August 2011
5 IUIs: BFN; IVF #1 - Success! BFP - 7/25/12
BFP#1: 7/14/10. EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby! BFP #4: 2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15 BFP #5: 4/5/15 EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)
BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cfe4e" alt=" BabyFetus Ticker" border="0" /></a>I feel like I got extremely lucky because the hospital I was at the staff was absolutely wonderful.
We got a grief packet/folder that included:
- The card for the hospital's grief counselor, who's services are free of charge.
- small book of poems as well of stories from other women and general advice (the typical, "don't make any big decisions" type of thing along with burial information and ideas on how to remember the baby and memorial type stuff).
- Flyers for grandparents, fathers and siblings and how they can deal with their own grief.
- A printed page with information about what happens to the babies at that hospital if the parents choose not to do a private burial (the babies at that hospital are cremated and there is a place in the city's park that is a memorial garden where the babies' ashes are placed and their name is added to one of the bricks int he walkways or the cement benches that are in the garden area).
- A printed page with parents rights (right to hold the baby, bathe the baby, take pictures, take all the time they needed with baby, etc..) as well as the babies rights (the right to be treated with respect, right to be recognized for their impact on their parent's lives, etc...)
- Pictures taken by hospital staff. (we got pictures of each baby as well as pictures of both of them together.)
Besides this packet we received keepsake items in hand quilted bags (we lost twins at 26 weeks earlier this month). The bags included:
- My hospital bracelets and the bracelets that the babies would have gotten.
- A "recognition of life" certificate with the babies name, parents names, DOB, weight, length, and time of birth.
- A certificate of blessing if we chose to have the hospital's Chaplin perform a blessing (my FIL is a pastor so we had him perform a blessing at the burial and he signed this form for us)
- Hand prints and foot prints
- Another certificate type piece of paper that included all of the information as on the recognition of life certificate plus the hand and foot prints.
- the disposable measuring tape they used to measure the baby's length.
The hospital also had a volunteer organization that made gowns, hats and blankets for these babies. We had our daughters buried in the gowns and hats but we kept the blankets.
The grief counselor who's information we received in the grief packet also visited us twice in the three days we were there. Once while I was being induced to introduce herself and once after I delivered to see how I was doing.
I had a D&C at 10 weeks (baby was measuring 8wks) and the hospital gave us a packet of information about miscarriage and miscarriage grief and loss. It was actually helpful to read. I also feel very lucky because we had the option of having our baby cremated and taken to a plot in the cemetary that the hospital has for miscarried babies. I think it's nice that we have a place to go and remember our baby. I don't think a lot of hospitals do this.
Our hospital did nothing. I had a D&C at 11 weeks. The nurses we had were wonderful and very caring and thoughtful but no one ever asked us what we wanted done with the remains, no one ever offered grief counseling, no books, no packets. One nurse gave my husband a pamphlet for Fathers dealing with m/c and how to support his wife. I got nothing.
I really bonded well with one of my nurses and she has called me at home in her off time to check in and see how I am. Her daughter goes to gymnastics with my daughter and we see each other every week.
But the hospital was really lacking in information of the next steps. We live in a rather small town and my guess is that most people go to the bigger city for this type of thing and that maybe they dont see many m/c here. They really need to take the time to invest in the grieveing families!
Thanks. I just feel like, how hard is it to get a few pamphlets together to hand out to women. It would make us feel like they cared/give us information that we need with out making us have to look for it and it would make the hospital look good. Its an easy win win situation.
I just feel like if all the horrible things I went though can be avoided for other women who go through that hospital that it would be one positive thing out of a whole lot of negativity.