Finally told MIL

LB1988 · September 2010

That we will NOT be staying with her for a week after LO is born and we don't need anyone staying with us because we have got it covered and just want to get into a routine. She has sent me 2 e-mails within the last hour in a panic that I will not be able to handle it on my own. She said she couldn't survive without help when she brought DH and SIL home. I wish she would stop trying to make me think I am weaker than I am. Also, she was 10 years older than I am now when she was having her children.

kcarnovale · September 2010

What is it with MILs?? Mine thinks the same and is certain that I will get post pardum depression!! My mom even thinks we can't handle it! Is it too much for us to just want to be alone to get into a routine on our own?!

Ivana_Stolichnaya · September 2010

Good for you! Yes

My MIL still won't leave us alone and DD is 11.5 months old.

gdssofshdws · September 2010

You will do GREAT. When I got home from the hospital I just wanted to get settled and into a routine. I kicked my mom out the next day. Too many people.

SimoneSays22 · September 2010

Good for you! Just because she needed help doesn't mean you will. I don't know your MIL but maybe it has more to do with her desire to spend time with her grandchild than it does with helping you.

I told my mom that DH and I do not want anyone spending the night when baby is born and she keeps trying to convince me I'm going to need her. I told her that if I do, she can tell me "I told you so," but for now, DH and I would like to try it ourselves.

Soap1 · September 2010

gdssofshdws:
You will do GREAT. When I got home from the hospital I just wanted to get settled and into a routine. I kicked my mom out the next day. Too many people.

Yes, you'll be fine! And then in a year you will look back on it and wonder how on earth you managed!

chrisncassie · September 2010

PSHH ....don't let that kind of crap bring you down. Just stay positive ...once born your LO will feed off your anxiety ...you created this LO, and have been sole provider for this long, you will be just fine. And at the end of the day, if you REALLY needed advice, you have family, friends, the bump, and even google for help if you need it!

yourmom5309 · September 2010

My MIL is trying to convince me to let her take DD for Christmas since LO will have just been born. DD is 10 months old - so I would like to spend Christmas with her since last year she was a newborn. She keeps rambling on about how it helped her when she did something similar when her kids were born. I don't care what she did. These are my kids and I want to spend the holiday with them.

locash · September 2010

To get her off your back, I would just tell her not to worry, that you are totally confident in your abilities to care for the baby. BUT, if you start to feel overwhelmed, you promise to call for help. That way she knows she's needed and maybe she'll stop harassing you!

designermusings · September 2010

My mom offered to come stay with us for two weeks. I told her she can just come during the day, but DH and I will handle the nights.

LB1988 · September 2010

robs867:
My MIL is trying to convince me to let her take DD for Christmas since LO will have just been born. DD is 10 months old - so I would like to spend Christmas with her since last year she was a newborn. She keeps rambling on about how it helped her when she did something similar when her kids were born. I don't care what she did. These are my kids and I want to spend the holiday with them.

She MUST be joking. I would have started laughing and asked her if she was kiddng. My grandmother said she would take LO for me during the week (she lives 2 hours away, she wanted him to stay there with her) so I could finish up school and then have him on the weekends. I said, "You are out of your DAMN mind". I have no idea if she was kidding but I was not even happy with the consideration of that being a joke.

The MILs need to back it off.

ValVail67 · September 2010

That's insane. So glad neither my mom or MIL or this pushy. I mean, my mom is SUPER pushy about mostly everything else, but she would never insist we live together for the first week of my child's life because she's afraid I can't hack it.

Don't get me wrong, after coming home with DS, DH & I appreciated having our parents, siblings, etc. coming by often to help out with things, but to actually LIVE with someone besides just us (or have someone else living with us) would be extremely irritating to me.

JaimeCH · September 2010

Ugh. I feel you. My MIL started in on it when we went to visit them at 20 weeks pg, and kept telling me how invaluable it was that she had her mother there for the first two weeks after each of her sons were born. When we told her that she can come out a few weeks after the baby was born she cried. She thinks that since my mom passed away that she gets the green light to "be there for me". I imagine that when her sons were born 30+ years ago things were a little different. Her husband probably went back to work right away, and my SO has a month of paternity leave. Most of all having someone else in the house only will add stress to an already stressful and new situation. I want SO and I to figure things out together, and I'm sure with both of us being sleep deprived it isn't always going to be pretty - I don't need anyone witnessing that.

Hawt83 · September 2010

Good for you! I was 22 when I had my first and STUPIDLY, I let myself listen to my MIL and she dictated my life for us...it was one of my biggest mistakes because it took me another 6 years and 2 more kids to realize I KNEW what I was doing and that she didnt live in my house and had no right to tell me what to do and how to do it.

Good for you for sticking up for yourself!

mrsschrager · September 2010

Wow.. sorry but you will be fine.. I dont mean to have poor me syndrome but.. I dont have a MIL(passed away) and my mother is very sick(dimentia) and lives in another country with my father. I also dont have any sisters or my grandmothers and my FIL and SIL live out of state. I did it with ds after a very hard delivery ( c section, icu ect due to hellp and pre e) and I am going to do it again this time.. Yes I had other family/friends in and out but not anyone staying with us.. dh and I were fine.. its hard but we got through it.

FirstBabyMomma · September 2010

Good for you! Now, will you come talk to mine? She is mostly great but is so weird about wanting her kids to stay the night at "the house." Sorry, lady, but the reason we pay a mortgage every month is so we don't have to stay there! Hubby passes by their place on the way back from hockey twice a week, and she's always trying to get him to stay over. It's not like she's alone- FIL is there! And if DH did, then I would be all alone. No fair! DH also has a good opportunity to go on a work trip when LO will be about 2-3 weeks old (based on due date) and MIL is all, "Oh, you and the baby will just come stay with us!" Uhm, I'm sorry but have you SEEN all the crap and equipment I'd have to haul over there? Not coming to your place. Staying home, with my pets, my stuff, my own bed, and my mom and sister a five minute walk away.

*KC*luvs*RJ* · September 2010

My mom is acting this way with my brother and SIL. I feel so bad for SIL because my mom won't leave her alone about it, and she just wants to have the first few weeks with her LO without anyone staying over to "help."

Arielle27 · September 2010

Just feel lucky that you have a say in it! My dad is coming to stay with us for 10 days when LO is born, and he is NOT coming to help, just coming to visit (us and his friends and family who live in this country). In fact, he was notoriously unhelpful to my mother when we were born and to my sister when she had her two kids.

We said we didn't think it was a good idea as we will be struggling with our first baby and the only place he'll be able to stay in our apartment would be in the baby's room on the floor on a mattress, and his response was 1. What's the problem? Put the baby in your room; and 2. to almost cry!!

Unfortunately, we live in his apt. so we actually cannot say no.

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