Should I tell her now? Need your opinion.

katie328 · September 2010

Hi Ladies! I have a good friend who has been TTC for 2 years, they are now working with a RE, so hopefully there will be some progress soon. My concern is whether I should tell her we are trying now. I have no idea how long it is going to take for us to get pregnant, but my concern is that if I dont give her a heads up we are trying, and we are lucky enough to have it happen soon that it would upset her. Is it better to give her a heads up? TIA

brookelynpaisley · September 2010

I kinda think that it may be hard on her either way if you get pregnant soon. She may feel less alone if she knows you're trying too, though

AmberZ2be · September 2010

I would wait. When you do get pregnant, don't tell her in front of a group of people. Call her on the phone. Don't AW it in front of her.

It is nice of you to think of her feelings.

katie328 · September 2010

She means the world to me, and I just don't want to hurt her. Although, there is no guarantee that it will be easier for us either...

prplscrubs · September 2010

i think you should tell her. you can be in this together ya know? she may feel some extra support from you knowing that you are now (Semi) in her shoes GL either way you decide.

nic5606 · September 2010

I would tell her sooner than later.

Syncronicity09 · September 2010

I think you should tell her, she probably could use the extra support and having someone who is trying also might be more comfortable and she will have someone to talk to who understands. If you are keeping the fact that you are TTC from other people she may understand, since she is TTC herself and keep your secret.

Actingdiva09 · September 2010

prplscrubs:
i think you should tell her. you can be in this together ya know? she may feel some extra support from you knowing that you are now (Semi) in her shoes GL either way you decide.

This

AmberZ2be · September 2010

prplscrubs:
i think you should tell her. you can be in this together ya know? she may feel some extra support from you knowing that you are now (Semi) in her shoes GL either way you decide.

But, that's the thing. She isn't in her shoes. Personally, if it was me I would rather not know. Then again, I don't see the reason to share with others when people decide they are going to TTC.

AmberZ2be · September 2010

kdodge423:

prplscrubs:
i think you should tell her. you can be in this together ya know? she may feel some extra support from you knowing that you are now (Semi) in her shoes GL either way you decide.

Are you seriously comparing someone on cycle 1 with someone going through IF treatments?

Remove head from ass, then post.

Miss you, dodge!

Ricola · September 2010

AmberZ2be:
kdodge423:

prplscrubs:
i think you should tell her. you can be in this together ya know? she may feel some extra support from you knowing that you are now (Semi) in her shoes GL either way you decide.

Are you seriously comparing someone on cycle 1 with someone going through IF treatments?

Remove head from ass, then post.

Miss you, dodge!

I miss you, too.

herray · September 2010

I would tell her. Obviously you don't have to, but if it were me, I would like to know.

Jessynlove · September 2010

I also think that no matter what you decide she will be upset if you get preg soon.

Just remember that it has nothing to do with you. She is just upset with the fact she doesnt have one yet . Friends can make me feel upset...so can strangers...or baby clothes...or commercials. Nothing personal.

but with that being said, it is best to tell her. You should always be honest with close friends.

tigerhearted · September 2010

I would tell her sooner than later. Then it's not like she's getting blind-sided with a BFP completely out of left field. And she'll know that it's something you wanted and planned for, not one of those Oops! things where they weren't even trying (seems like those would be especially hard on someone with fertility issues).

katie328 · September 2010

kdodge423:
prplscrubs:
i think you should tell her. you can be in this together ya know? she may feel some extra support from you knowing that you are now (Semi) in her shoes GL either way you decide.

Are you seriously comparing someone on cycle 1 with someone going through IF treatments?

Remove head from ass, then post.

And that is the thing, I would never compare the situations, at least not at this point. We go out as couples all the time and in the past, DH and I have jokingly mentioned us trying soon and she has always responded "you better not get pregnant before I do". I cant imagine what she is going through after trying for so many cycles, and I have always been there for her. I just don't want her to feel like I am competing with her, and I certainly don't want to put any extra stress on her regarding this.

AmberZ2be · September 2010

katie328:
kdodge423:

prplscrubs:
i think you should tell her. you can be in this together ya know? she may feel some extra support from you knowing that you are now (Semi) in her shoes GL either way you decide.

Are you seriously comparing someone on cycle 1 with someone going through IF treatments?

Remove head from ass, then post.

And that is the thing, I would never compare the situations, at least not at this point. We go out as couples all the time and in the past, DH and I have jokingly mentioned us trying soon and she has always responded "you better not get pregnant before I do". I cant imagine what she is going through after trying for so many cycles, and I have always been there for her. I just don't want her to feel like I am competing with her, and I certainly don't want to put any extra stress on her regarding this.

This is why I vote you don't tell her.

kelliott9199 · September 2010

kdodge423:
If she wasn't having trouble, would you tell her?

There's your answer.

Thank you for this. Honestly. My BFF as well is struggling with infertility and I was really torn as to whether I should tell her we are TTC or not. You are absolutely right though. I would tell her immediately if she wasn't having trouble and I shouldn't treat her like a "frail being" either because she is the strongest woman I know. I certainly do no want to hurt her although I suppose that's inevitable under the circumstances but I know if I went to her one day and told her I was pregnant, she'd be hurt that I felt she was so "fragile" that I couldn't share the process with her. I know she's voiced before that she hates when people pity her and dance around the subject. Thank you for putting things into perspective.

rxy5309 · September 2010

You are a really good friend for thinking of. I would let her know ya'll are trying and then it won't be such a shock when you do get KU. I was sad when a friend I knew had just started trying got KU. I didn't know they were trying and then when she told me they had just started trying it was like a double whammy. You are a really good friend = )

Temp984666312503071 · September 2010

I was just lurking and thought I'd throw in my .02.

After dealing with IF and loss, I personally would not have wanted to know every friend who was TTC. Reason being, every time they called or wanted to meet, I would think "she must be pregnant" or "she is going to tell me she is pregnant". That isn't fun.

I personally at that point in my life would rather have just found out my friend was pregnant. Like ripping a band-aid off. If you tell her you are TTC she will constantly be stressed about the announcement. Stressed about you getting pregnant first. Just constantly worrying about another person who will likely get KU first.

And no offense, but when you are dealing with IF there is zero similarity of feeling of commraderie with women who are on Cycle 1 and TTC in the bedroom. When you are getting shots, t/v ultrasounds, poked, prodded, and basically have taken all of the fun out of TTC you do not find comfort in friends who are just having sex on their fertile days. It is apples and oranges.

katie328 · September 2010

Thanks everyone for all of your fabulous opinions! It was so great to hear so many different perspectives, and while I don't exactly know how I am going to handle it, it helps to hear what everyone thinks. Thanks Again!

stepheverhart · September 2010

I would tell her because se is your best friend, and if you get pregnant soon it might make the blow easier... I hope you both get your BFP soon!

brockli · September 2010

This is just my personal opinion, or what I did I should say. I have a very good friend and she and her husband have been TTC for 2 years now. They have been told their chances are slim to none which breaks my hear, random side note sorry they are just great people...anyways I have told her that we are now TTC and while I hope you can get KU right away on the first try, we did not. So when I got my first BFN I told her and I think it allowed her to vent her frustrations a little bit more knowing that we both wanted to be pregnant and neither of us was. I hope that makes some sense. And good luck to you and your friend!

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