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Vent about my friends

KateLouiseKateLouise member
in Attachment Parenting

I have two friends who have both had miscarriages this year. One of whom has been trying to get pregnant for years and the other who lost a baby with severe abnormalities last year.

 I understand that being around me and my healthy baby isn't that great for them but they have still been happy for me, coming to visit, holding the baby etc etc etc.

I've been careful not to spend all my time talking about the baby, and happily hang out with them without LO.

A couple of months ago they had a girls weekend away and said, "we'd invite you but unless you leave your baby at home, we'd rather you didn't come"

I was bummed about that at the time, but never said anything to them, just told them to have fun, as leaving LO for a whole weekend wasn't an option for me, and let it go. 

Today on facebook, one of them posted, "I'm off to the beach with Lucy (the other friend) and the dogs".

So I'm bummed again. I'd like to go to the beach. I have dogs who would like the beach. I would like to spend time with my friends.

I understand their point of view, but I just miss them and our friendship. :-(

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Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
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Re: Vent about my friends

  • knedellknedell
    I am sorry.  I have a few friends that seem to have taken a few steps back since DS was born too. I know it hurts.  Do you think you could talk to them about it?
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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    I could talk to them but really I don't know what the point would be.

    They don't want to spend a whole weekend with me and my baby, which i think is understandable. They're in no way obliged to spend time with me, and if they have more incommon with each other at the moment then I understand them wanting to hang out together.

    I don't want them to feel forced into spending time with me, and so I think talking to them would make them feel guilty but not actually change anything.

    I mean, friendships have highs and lows and it's natural to drift away and towards various friends at various times.

    So I'm not sure this can be "fixed" I'm just bummed. 

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    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
    image


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  • OctGirl80OctGirl80 member

    At least you understand the situation. I see posts where the OP is just complaining that "my friend had a m/s and now won't talk to me. What's her problem?"

     

    Like you said there are highs and lows and they happen in all different stages. It's a totally different situation, but DH & I were the only one of our friends to not have a LO for years. Since our other friends all had babies, they did things together and we heard the phrase "well, you guys don't have kids yet" ALOT. After a while, they started calling us again and now we see them more often. Or will until our LO arrives. Smile

     

    Give it time. I'm sure eventually things will turn around again.

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  • Bride2b2004Bride2b2004 member
    I sympathize.  I appreciate that you understand their perspective and yes, it is sad when friends grow apart =(  I agree that it isn't worth talking about, everyone is doing as much as they can (you leave your baby on occasion & they come see your LO on occasion despite how hard it is).  Having a baby can be isolating.  You will make new friends.  And when they finally have their own LOs, you just might end up closer than ever.  Hang in there ((hugs))
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  • anna7602anna7602 member
    Someone else on the bump introduced me to the term "invisible walls" a long time ago and I think it definitely applies in this situation. It happens to friendships all along the path of life- good things or bad things happen causing people to feel like their friends can't relate to what they're going through and consciously or not, they shut them out. I think you're right that there isn't much you can do right now, but it's absolutely understandable that you would feel sad and left out. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I hope that you're able to keep good feelings for them until the time that they start reaching out to you again.
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