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Finally caved and told someone. (Kind of long)
I had some good friends from out of state visit over the weekend. My best friend and her sister. While sitting down and eating, my DH and I looked at each other and both knew we wanted to tell them that we are TTGP. So we let it out and told. My BF didn't really say anything and just smiled. Not exactly the reaction I thought I was going to get. Her sister on the other said she was happy for us and hoped for the best. Later that night we all went out for drinks and I said with a smile, "Hey Im having my last drinks with you." Her reply,"Yeah because you're trying to get a disease." 
Keep in mind, my BF is only 23 and single. I looked at her and told her it is not a disease! She said it is for her. Really? I know she doesn't want a baby, but did she have to say that to me? They were staying with us so I did everything I could to hold back the tears. But as soon as I reached our room I broke down and couldn't stop crying. DH just held me and reminded me we're doing this for us and no one else. That this is something we want. I told I him I know, but I wanted my BF to be happy for us. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Your BF is right in front of you." In that instant I could care less what my friend had said. The next day I found out from her sister that she has been feeling depressed the past month, which could explain her reaction. Still it stung and I just wanted to vent.
Have any of you, who told someone you were TTGP, get a mixed reaction also?
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Re: Finally caved and told someone. (Kind of long)
What a bummer... sorry you had to go through that.
I haven't told anyone and gotten a bad reaction (granted I have only told my mother and my two BF that we are TTC). But a co-worker of mine takes every opportunity to complain about how much she dislikes pregnant woman and being pregnant (she has 4 children all unplanned with her ex-husband). So everytime she says something like that I feel really uncomfortable. AND when I was leaving on my honeymoon she said "Dont come back unless you are pregnant!". Umm... what?! Talk about mixed messages! LOL
People are strange.
Wow that is really sad! I'm a strong believer that pregnancy/kids aren't for everyone and of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But that doesn't give her a right to say that pregnancy is a disease, that's ridiculous lol. I'm not sure how I would've handled that situation. It'd be one thing if it were a complete stranger, but this is your BF-someone you expect love and support from.
Hang in there and if all else fails you know where to get support
We've got a set of couple friends with 4 kids. We told them we were TTC and she looked me straight in the face while our men were off drinking beer and tending the grill and told me to make sure it's what I wanted but better yet, wait. The way she said it told me all I needed to know, that she regretted it. I know she wasn't over her party days and still isn't but still, I felt it was quite rude.
On the way home I looked at H and asked him about it since he's known them longer than I have and agreed. It was just so disheartening to see that someone regretted her blessings while so many others are trying so hard for what she takes for granted every day.
My Blog || BFP Chart
11/27/10-BFP, EDD 8/9/11 || 1/4-7/10- missed m/c 9wks
4/25/11- BFP , EDD 1/5/12
I am SO sorry. That was really crappy of your friend, but props to YH for stepping up to the plate for you!!! Silver lining!
My BFF doesnt ever want to have kids either, but when I told her we were TTC so was ecstatic for me and cant wait to be "auntie alex". So I think the "undesire" to have kids shouldnt dictate whether or not a friend will be happy for you.
GL to you!
I'm sorry that your friend's response was so insensitive. That's hard to handle, when you want them to be happy with (and for) you! My DH and I are trying not to let too many people know. My parents know because sometimes a girl just needs to talk to her mom. And if mom knows, dad knows. My dad's a medic though, and worked in OB for several years, so it's great that he knows as well. They couldn't be happier, and thankfully they aren't pushy.
I suspect that my grandma knows, though we haven't told her. My cousin recently got married. She and her DH didn't plan on waiting, and started trying right away. Two months later, my cousin wasn't KU, and my Grandma said to me, "With as often as they have sex, she should be pregnant by now. I'm sure that something is wrong." OUCH! My DH and I had been trying about two months as well. Way to shake my confidence Grandma! I know it can take awhile, and I know she didn't mean it, but still...
Is it just me or does it seem that in grandma's time everyone seemed to get KU way faster or what?
I know they didn't talk about IF and Trouble TTC that much either but still, unfair. I've got $50 that says if we were all 16 and in the backseat all the time, we'd all the KU, no prob.
My Blog || BFP Chart
11/27/10-BFP, EDD 8/9/11 || 1/4-7/10- missed m/c 9wks
4/25/11- BFP , EDD 1/5/12
This is indeed the best place to gather info and support. Bothers me when other newbies say the women here are rude. You get support when you give it back.
As for my BF, she is still young and I believe she's still living up her "drinking days" also.
Thank you ladies for your support. GL to us all!
I'm so sorry she called getting pregnant a "disease". That is asinine!
When my mom found out we were TTC #3, she told me she hoped it would take us a while.
It really hurt my feelings but I just shook it off.
Bottom line, you and DH are doing what you feel is right! Don't let your friend's stupid comment deter you from adding to your family. I wish you lots of luck.
You said your BF was 23. Are you as well? I will be honest, at 23 babies were the furthest thing from my mind. While I would never call it a "disease" I think I would caution a close friend from TTGP too young.
I agree, she could have been more supportive, even if she disagrees.
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
That is really sad that she feels that way. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Sometimes people forget that just because they have an opinion and a personal preference, doesn't mean that you can tear people down for choosing otherwise.
Hopefully she realizes that in time and can learn to be more supportive of your decisions.
On a side note, I personally cannot understand how anyone could think being pregnant/having a baby is a "disease." Bringing another life into this world is a beautiful thing. How could think of an innocent baby as a disease???
That was very wrong of her to say, even if it isn't her "cup of tea" she should still support you NO MATTER WHAT and be excited when you are.
Plus if getting pregnant was a disease, there are a whole bunch of ladies who want that disease, and are trying everything they can to get it.
Luck and Baby Dust to All!
What???!!?!?! 4 unplanned children??
Im 23 and get really peeved when someone tells me I'm too young. In many ways, DH and I are more ready for a child then many 40 year olds I know. I think that is totally a matter of who the person is and where they are in their life and finances. When a distant friend or family member randomly tells us to wait to TTC (because we dont really tell many people we are), I get pretty pissed. They have no CLUE why we would make the decisions we would make.
I agree with you 100%. Everyone is different
I'll be 23 when we start trying to conceive. My husband and I are home owners, both have good jobs (in fact we have organized our budget so that I will be a SAHM) and have taken wonderful vacations together. We have family support and have plenty of experience with children. We understand fully that when we have a child, our needs no longer come first. To the poster that thinks 23 is "too young" - I feel I am in a better position then some 30 year olds are. I hope you reconsider your opinion that 23 is too young. That comment was really 'immature'. How old are you?
Agreed. I know a friend who just turned 30 and he acts like he just turned 21 all over again. No Im not 23, Im 26. And she's told me before that she wants a LO of her own. So I know she's not against babies completely. It's just not for her at this time in her life, which I understand. We've held off from telling anyone else for the time being. I was just wanting to tell someone so badly. Again, Im very happy that this board exists.
I'm sorry your friend reacted that way.
I haven't actually told my Mom we're TTC but every time I talk to her she mentions that I'm too young to get pregnant. I'm 27 and DH is 28 (turning 29 in a month) and I definitely don't think we're too young. Thankfully, I have to come to realize that it isn't her decision and when it happens I know she'll end up being happy.
Bug Meets World
I'm sorry she hurt your feelings. I kinda feel "eh" about it. Not everyone wants kids, and not everyone has tact. Sometimes they overlap. What are you gonna do? You and your husband are sure this is what you want, so be confident. Not everyone is going to jump up and down for you. Sure it would be nice if she showed some positivity toward you, but she didn't? It's up to you to decide how much you share with her or if it's even a friendship that's worth it to you if she isn't going to show you support.
I have a coworker who has chosen to not have kids with her husband. She refers to us as trying to "breed spawn." Whatever. My mom and MIL don't know we're TTC, but both have made comments like "don't rush, enjoy marriage" which I perceived as negative. It sucks, but in the end, it's not their choice. You just have to not let other people's opinions of your life choices get to you.
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That's no fair of your friend to respond that way but your DH is right, you are doing it for YOU, but I completely understand your sadness at your BF's lack of excitement. **BIG HUGS**
There are only a couple people who know we are TTGP and when we told them they were excited but awhile ago my SIL told us she was pregnant. My SIL is 10 years (to the day) older then I am. She waited awhile (by choice) to have their first child. I was so happy for her and we were talking about babies and everything baby related and I said something to the effect "I can't wait to start a family" and her reply was "You shouldn't have a baby until you've been married for 10 years. You're too young (I am 25 and DH is 28) and immature." That shut me up quick! I didn't even know what to say. I'd like to think DH & I are mature and have been for quite sometime now. But in my case my SIL is a very jealous person and resents that fact that I'm younger then her and never hides her distaste so after my initial anger wore off I let it slide because exactly like your DH said, we do this for US not them.
Exactly! Im over it now. I think it was mostly the shock of her calling it a disease. To each their own tho.
This! When I read that I actually said "ahhhhh". Sounds like a good one you've got there! You guys sound ready, and that's what matters. There are lots of others that will be thrilled for you when you do get KU. And I'd imagine your BF will come around. GL!
I'm sorry you do not feel supported by your friend.
I think that babies/children can be a weird topic for people that are not even close to being ready for it. It is kind of like when you are getting married and you realize that no one will care about it or be as into it as you are. I think that is the same thing with telling people you are TTC.
I would assume that once you are pregnant she will come around, but the thought that you guys are going to start trying, may not be all that appealing. She probably assumed that you guys would be trying soon anyway so the "announcement" may not be seen as a big deal.
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My mom reacted strangely when I told her that we were thinking of starting ttc in December (that was the original plan before "the Master Plan".) I think she was just surprised because I'm the baby of the family. She's already got two grandboys by my sister, and they're both in or approaching puberty stage, so I think she need a few hours to wrap her head around becoming a grandmother again. She's cool with it now.
You're much stronger character-wise than I am. I think if a friend had said that to me, I would have punched her in the boob.
I'm not sure if this is to me but I'll answer anyway ...
I've been asking myself that question for a while. What is really ironic is that she had me when she was 23 and the rest of my siblings before she was 30. I realize that times were different then but still.
I actually think it has nothing to do with us and completely to do with her. I'm the oldest and when I have a baby it will make her a grandmother which she doesn't seem too keen on. It's like it officially makes her "old."
She actually made a comment the last time we were visiting along the lines of after you become a grandparent the only thing left in life is death. That's when I realized where her thought process comes from.
Her reaction when it happens is one of the few things that has scared me about TTC. But, I figure it's not up to her and I know (hope) that once it happens she'll be happy.
Bug Meets World
agreed. It's no one's business if my age is too young. I was 22 when I was pregnant with DS, 23 when he was born. I'll be 25 in January, and I'm trying for #2...young compared to a lot of the women on this board? yes. Too young to be trying? No. Age is just a number, it's about the person's maturity.
I don't get how this makes her immature? You can make a point that she is generalizing an entire group when there are a few who don't fall into that category, but that doesn't make it "immature". If you are as mature and as confident that you are ready as you say, why so defensive? She said that SHE didn't have children on her mind at 23 and that she would have counseled close friends to think about waiting. Why is that offensive?
I think a lot of people in their teens and 20s think they are ready and they have kids and realize they had no idea what they are getting into. Clearly it doesn't sound like that's you, but counseling a friend to live a little more, to experience more of life, to get an education, to be more financial stable, etc before they TTC is sound advice. Recent studies are showing that women who delay childbirth have more financial stability long term, higher levels of education, etc, so there are real issues to be considered that are more than just maturity. But again, she wasn't directly it specifically at you and if you have thought about everything and made the decision that works for you, I'm not sure why it's so personal?