- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
January 2011 Moms
discovolante
member
NBR: Etiquette ?- How would you feel? (Long-ish)
discovolante
member
A friend of mine is getting married this weekend. To give you a little background, she is someone who used to be a close friend, but over the years we have drifted apart a bit. Mainly because she was such a competitive person, and was so obsessed with being the "last one" of our friends to be married. So much so that she pushed many a decent guy away because of her timelines (ex. if we are dating for a month it HAS to be exclusive by then, if we are exclusive for a year, we HAVE to move in together, etc)
Fast forward to now, she got engaged last year (actually a week after me which was kind of funny in itself). I have had a few issues with how she is doing her wedding/reception but have kept my mouth shut for the most part:
1. She is doing a small wedding for family only which originally was only supposed to be 10 people, however I saw her last week and she told me there were going to be 40 guests at the wedding, meanwhile everybody else gets:
2. A "cocktail reception" at 7pm with appetizers and karaoke. 1 keg of beer and 1 keg of cider for 90 guests, after that, it's a cash bar
I personally think all of this is horribly tacky, (and actually I'm sort of offended that 17 years of friendship did not score me a ceremony invite) but I can't imagine that no one else has said anything to her about it.
My BIG issue is this- She told me last week that she had planned to hand off her bouquet to our one remaining single friend in this big to-do in front of everyone. She is going to have the DJ play "Someday my prince will come" FFS! I told her that i think said friend would be really humiliated and that it was a really,really bad idea, but she seriously doesn't grasp why. I suggested even telling the friend in advance so she could decline if she liked, but she said that would "ruin the surprise".
So...if it was you on the receiving end of the bouquet, how would you feel? If you were me, would you rat her plans out to the unsuspecting victim?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR: Etiquette ?- How would you feel? (Long-ish)
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
This.
OMG!!! I didn't like when people threw the bouquet at me when DH and I were dating! I can't imagine how I would feel if my being single were a feature of someone else's wedding! I see how your friend's heart is in the right place, but that's just an awful thing to do.
I really don't know if I would tell the other friend. I feel like it would cause a LOT of drama between you and the bride. Are there other common friends who know of this plan? Maybe you can say something together?
I'm also surprised you didn't get invited to the ceremony. I'd be tempted to say something like, "I'm so sad that after all these years of friendship I won't get to see you walk down the aisle".
Same here for the bouquet thing. As for the receptions, it's her wedding, let her be as tacky as she wants.
ITA. The friend probably thinks it'll be funny to do that with the bouquet but I think the single person is going to feel awful and embarrased by that. Your friend seems very selfish.
Interesting...
How would she have felt if she was still single and someone did that to her? Probably humiliated. That's not a fun surprise, it's absolutely traumatizing. Honestly, it sounds like her competitive nature is coming out again and this is her way of publicly saying "look at me! I'm no longer single, sucker". That's not ok, and I wonder if her fiance even knows about this plan.
That aside, my husband and I had what we considered a small wedding of 85 guests, which included family and friends that are like family. I don't have a problem with her increasing the number of people she's inviting, but I'm confused as to why she has limited the amount of people who can attend the wedding ceremony. Normally it's the opposite, no? Generally, people like to celebrate the actual marriage ceremony.
I don't know this girl, but it sounds to me like she's making her wedding into something it shouldn't be. Call me old fashioned.
If I found out one of my friends knew of this big-to-do to announce to the entire reception that I am the only one not seriously committed, I'd probably flip out at the bride, my friend that knew, and anyone else in on the "surprise". Not that it would be your fault at all if you didn't say anything, but I would totally spill the beans to said friend. And if the bride has something to say about it, DENY DENY DENY! JK - I would just say that you didn't feel comfortable keeping that a secret because if the shoe were on the other foot, you would want the heads up.
By the way, cash anything at a wedding is TACKY. And I would deduct whatever I and H spend at the wedding from her envelope!
I totally agree that it is a slap in the face, knowing this girl and exactly how she is, I truly believe it is a way to bring attention to herself in the way of
"Hey everyone, lookie here, I'm NOT the last one!"
I ended up not making it to her shower, but I did hear the bride-to-be got pretty hammered and made an off-handed comment to the same person about the same thing! This girl in question is a great person, I wonder why she would even come to the wedding after that.
As for me personally, I have been sort of waiting for all of this to be over so I can quietly drift away and cut my ties.
What's she's planning on doing to her friend is not just tacky, it's rude. I also have a big issue with inviting some people to the wedding and others just to the reception. I think that this is just being greedy. If I'm invited to a wedding, attending the ceremony is included in the "wedding" otherwise I can go out and buy my own dinner and drinks.
I would be completely humiliated! Please tell the other person in advance. I can't imagine being caught of guard with something so embarrassing. I would probably cry.
We have a friend who is the last single one in our group of friends. I would never think of pointing it out because I imagine it's a little painful to think about.
This would be fantastic, lol.
But yeah, if I were your friend I'd pull that beebee b*tch's weave out or something. What a self-absorbed hobag. Ugh. Tell her, absolutely.
I would feel humiliated, nothing like one of your friends making a huge production of the fact that you're still single.
And everything else you said about her wedding...TACKY!
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
OMG that would be so great, I would love to see her face if that happened!
As for the wedding (or reception I should say) It would be forgivable if they were a couple struggling to make ends meet or something, but they both have masters degrees and make good money. She had to sign a pre-nup FFS. The wedding location only holds 75 people and she "couldn't just invite 75 people" I have heard her on many an occasion complain about everyone's wedding and baby showers and how she "better cash in" when it's her turn.
Instead she is getting 1/4 of the monetary gift we would normally give her (per DH who HATES her) because we are basically the "afterthoughts" Hope the extra 15 guests are worth it, bwahaha!!
Um, first of all, the whole "someday my prince will come" bouquet hand off is so tacky, I am not sure who should be more humiliated - the person in receipt of the bouquet or the bride!
I would 100% tell her. I get the whole "it's the bride's day" thing, but it is so unfair to put that poor girl on the spot, and a cruel way for the bride to provide entertainment. I am sure you will get some angry feedback from the bride, but you can't say you didn't warn her!!