Post mortem sperm retrevial?

Shelley-Bean · September 2010

I'm watching "Make Room for Multiples" and her husband died in a car accident and she had the hospital do a sperm retrevial after he died.

How is that legal? DH and I had to sign consents for everything when we went through treatments. How does she know he would want to have kids if he died? I mean, if they already existed that would be one thing, but he died 4 years ago.

It seems very immoral to me - both on the patient's part and the RE's part. No one knows what the father wanted. Sure, he wanted kids when he was alive, but after he died? DH and I talked about it because it was a consent that we signed before our IVF treatment. We both wanted to be parents, but if either of us died, we wouldn't continue. We wouldn't want to purposely create children knowing we wouldn't be around.

WWYD?

LALASEPT05 · September 2010

I think I saw that one too over the summer when I was on leave. I wondered about it as well. I guess the wife can do that? His family just seemed so happy about it that I figured I guess that is what he would have wanted. Still I see what you're saying he might not have wanted her to do that...he may have wanted her to find someone else and have a family with them? He may not have wanted his children to grow up with no father. All unanswered and I'm not really sure there is a right and wrong. I just know that it must be incredibly difficult to be a single parent to multiples even if you do have other family as support. I'm not sure I would want to do that.

cocojack10 · September 2010

Shelley-Bean:
DH and I talked about it because it was a consent that we signed before our IVF treatment. We both wanted to be parents, but if either of us died, we wouldn't continue. We wouldn't want to purposely create children knowing we wouldn't be around.

OMG that's terrible! Dh and I had never spoken about the topic until IVF consent forms. We both agreed that neither one of us wanted to have the "children" if the other wasn't around.

Extacting sperm from a deceased man... that is just wrong! I agree that there should be some sorta of law against it. But didn't Ugly Betty in the beginning seasons have an episode about the same? Seems so bizarre to me.

I did see an episode of Make room for Multiples where a lady had quads I believe from frozen embryos after her Dh had passed away. It was quite sad, but she really wanted to have children. To each their own I guess.

ervin412@gmail.com · September 2010

To each their own I guess. But what comes to my mind is, what about if the guy had a life insurance policy? Is this child entitled to it even though they didn't even exist when he died? My mind works in funny ways like that.

My cousin died in a car accident 8 years ago. His ex-girlfriend came forward saying that she thought her 1 year old son might have been my cousins. My aunt and uncle were excited that there may be a little Jesse around. They got his toothbrush and paid for DNA testing and everything, come to find out, it wasn't his kid and she was sleeping around on him. She just wanted part of that life insurance policy! The nerve of some people.

SoldiersGreenBean · September 2010

I can sort of see the other side. If my DH were to have deployed before we had children, we would have likely banked some sperm. I would still want to carry his child(ren) should he have become disabled or KIA.

macchiatto · September 2010

I don't see why that would be illegal; I think it's a way for a grieving widow to literally keep her husband's memory alive in a sense. I can't imagine doing it myself, but I don't see how it's immoral unless it's specifically against his wishes.

Temp159135562506975 · September 2010

eh- i don't see the big deal.... assuming his life insurance policy states clearly who it goes to - and i'm guessing that it does - it wouldn't be an issue b/c the child wasn't even concieved before he died.

"what he wanted" = no big deal b/c he's not around anymore.

if the woman wants to have kids on her own - that's her deal. A strange thing to do - but to each his/her own.

Eris-Alexis · September 2010

They didn't say one way or another if she and her husband had already discussed this. They said that they were actively trying, but didn't specify if they had already started seeing an RE, or any other discussions that were had prior to the accident.

If they did discuss, I don't see anything wrong with it. If they didn't, I definitely think that is a moral gray area. But, in an ideal world, the wife should know the husband's opinions better than anyone (I know that this is rarely the case).

amanda31H · September 2010

I don't know....it's not something I would likely do, but I don't see the big deal in it.

Honestly, even if DH and I hadn't discussed it and then something happened and he died, I know he would have wanted whatever would make me happy. If that was going ahead and having his kids, then do it. That's how I would feel if we could do role reversal here. I can also imagine situations where the spouse may be of advanced maternal age and may not have much opportunity to meet another man, have a baby, etc. and so maybe that would be best for her.

MoMandA · September 2010

It is not something that DH and I have ever discussed, but unless I knew that he did not want to do it, I would have done something like that if he had died and we only had one child. If my DH ever died, there is no way that I would ever remarry. Both of us really value siblings and I wold have wanted to have a sibling for the first child. When someone who is married dies, their spouse is their sole legal heir unless a will suggests otherwise. They can do pretty much anything that they want with the body, provided that it is legal.

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