Are you having extra help after you bring LO home?

LB1988 · September 2010

Just wondering what people are doing. I'm mostly referring to family members. Both sides of the family stress me out, and we live a few hours from anyone, so any help would actually would be living with us and I really think I would be nervous the whole time. However, I read something on babycenter this morning about not "shutting the world out" because it can make baby blues worse?

Mrs.Johns · September 2010

We'll have family visiting us but not staying over. I think that would put me over the edge. I'm sure my mom will come by and make us dinner and hang out but then go home at the end of the night.

phanatic · September 2010

my mom will be in for 10 days about a week after LO is born, MIL will be helping me before that and DH is taking the third week off of work. i'm having a c/s, though, so i'll definitely need help.

hermione76 · September 2010

My family would make me crazy. We live 4 hours away from everyone, and if they came they would stay with us. DH get's two weeks off work , and it will be just us at home.

If they make you crazy , it would probably do more harm then good.

Anonymi · September 2010

My mom is going to be around our house helping us out until I feel like I can't take her anymore. However my mom lives about 5-10 minutes from our house. Whether this is a week or a few weeks, that I'll have to wait and see how long I can take my mom (cause sometimes she stresses me out).

rg8482 · September 2010

I was going to stay in my home and just deal with being alone after DH goes back to work within a week, but my mom called me up yesterday and pretty much said I'm not "Superwoman" and I should stay in her house for at least 2-3 weeks post-partum. I will be living there as of this weekend anyway since her house is closer to the hospital than mine and I love my mother so I'm glad she is willing to help me.

TAMLVSCARL · September 2010

No extra help for me. I prefer to do things myself. Hubby & DD will be home in the evenings but during the day it'll just be LO & I.

1BabyFritsch · September 2010

We are not having anyone come stay with us and help, But all of our family lives very close (my mom lives 3 houses up). So IF we need help then we will have people that can help but I think of the time after the baby comes as a bonding time for me and DH to have with the baby.

aforst · September 2010

I agree that having family stay at your house might be stressful. My mom is taking off M,T,W (DH will be home Th, F) the week after I have him to help me. She lives 15 mins away though, so she goes to her own home when DH gets home! I loved having her w/ DS1, and am looking forward to having her again. If nothing else, it allowed me to get some sleep! We have a very good relationship though and she knows how to respect boundaries. If you can get some help that will not stress you out, I highly recommend it!!!

pinkiemo · September 2010

I'm trying to get out of "help" from my mom right now. DH works from home and we have a really small place so I feel like 3 adults for 1 baby is really just going to stress me out more than it will help. I think it all depends on your situation and your relationships. Especially at this time you should do what you think is going to be the most beneficial to you.

triplea1819 · September 2010

nope. i did not have any help the first time around.

they would be too much of a hassle. I would have to wait on any help, and they would interfere with nursing.

to a PP who said i am having a c-section and will need help. not necessarily. I had one with DS and was fine when I came home. I could lift him, walk him up and down stairs, no issues at all.

My husband will be home with me for about 10 days, but then back to work when I can drive.

djfacemachine · September 2010

Regardless of when the baby is actually born, my parents are coming on October 14th and staying for a couple weeks. They live in Virginia and we are in Las Vegas, so we don't see them often and they are very excited to visit with their grandbaby. They're not staying with us though because my mom knows that we will want our private time. They'll come by everyday and help out and cook dinner and stuff.

I'm not sure what DH's parents will do if anything, we haven't talked about it. They live 15 minutes away so I wouldn't be surprised if they stop by with dinner or something, we'll see.

Christsyhy · September 2010

Just me and DH, we are more comfortable with that. We will call if we get overwhelmed. My mom wanted to come out everyday - No Way!

dehsignz · September 2010

I am sure family / friends will be around but we don't have anything planned. MIL wont plan anything, she will just show up whenever so not sure what she is doing - trying to block that out of my mind....

Tamzin418 · September 2010

There's a big difference between doing what you think is best for your sanity and "shutting out the world". Having family visit is not the same as having them in your house when you're adjusting to an infant. This is our first baby a it'll be just my husband and I mostly because my family is 8 hours away. We can barely tolerate my step mother when we're on our best behavior and I shutter to think what would happen if we added a newborn and sleep deprivation to the picture.

I do have some local friends and if someone offers to come over and help (and by help I mean clean my kitchen, shovel the driveway or make us some food) they're more than welcome but I am not playing hostess to anyone.

The concern they're talking about in babycenter is probably more related to the sense of isolation that new moms can feel after their spouse or partner is back to work and they are all alone with a baby, feeling sleep deprived and stressed out. It's important to reach out for help when needed but if certain people are going to contribute to stress rather than relieve it, I'm all for keeping them away.

LB1988 · September 2010

Tamzin418:
There's a big difference between doing what you think is best for your sanity and "shutting out the world". Having family visit is not the same as having them in your house when you're adjusting to an infant. This is our first baby a it'll be just my husband and I mostly because my family is 8 hours away. We can barely tolerate my step mother when we're on our best behavior and I shutter to think what would happen if we added a newborn and sleep deprivation to the picture.
I do have some local friends and if someone offers to come over and help (and by help I mean clean my kitchen, shovel the driveway or make us some food) they're more than welcome but I am not playing hostess to anyone.
The concern they're talking about in babycenter is probably more related to the sense of isolation that new moms can feel after their spouse or partner is back to work and they are all alone with a baby, feeling sleep deprived and stressed out. It's important to reach out for help when needed but if certain people are going to contribute to stress rather than relieve it, I'm all for keeping them away.

Okay, thats what I was THINKING babycenter meant. I had a strong feeling that I DO NOT want my or DH crazies staying with us but I didn't know if I was just being selfish. I think someone said that it is private bonding time with LO and DH and that is a VERY good point. I'm gonna use that!

Hawt83 · September 2010

my SO will be starting his pat leave as soon as the baby gets here. His mom and sister live 20 minutes away, so I will expect they will be here when they arent working. Which is great for me since I already have 3 kids and they will love the attention as well as the baby. My family lives 7 hours away and will be up on the 8th of oct for thanksgiving weekend. Otherwise it will just be us, which is fine with me since I have done this before but it will be the first time for my SO. I want him to be able to have some time with the baby without the rest of us in his way!!

With my other kids, my mom was here for awhile (DROVE ME NUTS) and then their other nana came up after (AGAIN DROVE ME NUTS)...I felt both kind of set me back a bit from getting into a routine. Its nice to have help but eventually the help leaves and its up to us!!!

Best of luck to you!!

SparkleTart · September 2010

MIL is coming a couple days after we get back from the hospital and staying for an as-yet-determined amount of time. I'm nervous because the the ILs live 10 hours away, so I don't know them terribly well. DH only gets one week off after the baby is born, so there will be some awkward time between myself and MIL alone that I'm not looking so forward to. If I had it my way, MY Mommy Left Hug

would be here for my entire maternity leave, so I guess I am a hypocrite Embarrassed

daenikoffre · September 2010

My mom lives 5 hours away and wanted to come up and stay for a few weeks. I politely [as possible] told her that wouldn't be necessary. She didn't insist, thank goodness.

My SO will be here, though. He is taking a few weeks off, so I think we'll be fine.

Tamzin418 · September 2010

LB1988:
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Okay, thats what I was THINKING babycenter meant. I had a strong feeling that I DO NOT want my or DH crazies staying with us but I didn't know if I was just being selfish. I think someone said that it is private bonding time with LO and DH and that is a VERY good point. I'm gonna use that!

This strategy can totally work, by the way. My sister lives in the same city with both sets of grandparents and was able to keep them away unless she needed help when my nephew was born. She and her husband really wanted to figure out what was best for them and the baby without outside interference and surprisingly, the grandparents gave them their space even though it was the first grandchild. Were they overwhelmed that first night...you betcha! But they got through it and my nephew is the happiest little boy I've ever seen.

MrsDubya1 · September 2010

I don't get much of a choice. Hubby's parents live 2 1/2 hours away & it has been pretty much assumed they will stay here probably through Christmas. My MIL & I are fine but I HATE having my FIL here. (he's here now & I am so sick of him)!! Anyway, I know that I would so much rather have my husband & myself with just "drop in" help but what do ya do? If I say they can't stay here then I am told by others that I am being unreasonable & selfish. I was even told that I have no idea what having babies is like & how hard it is to be alone with them & that I should just listen to those who know what they are talking about & hush about it!! WOW!! I know I need to just give it to God. It's just REALLY hard to not worry about it!

~Dating: 10-2007~

~Married: 7-26-08~

~Due: 12-19-10~

Mommysaurus123 · September 2010

My mom is taking a week off work to stay with us. She is going to be on baby duty overnight and only wake me up if I need to feed LO... then I might relieve her of her duties during the day so I can spend some one-on-one time with my little dude.

Mama_SAS · September 2010

DH is taking 3 weeks off because I'm having a repeat c-section. MIL is coming up for a couple days, while I'm in the hospital. My parents live about 30 minutes away so I'm sure they'll visit often.

jenwoodhouse · September 2010

My mom is here and will be staying with me for a couple weeks. I'm looking forward to having all the help I can get. My sister says she was a HUGE help, doing all the cooking and cleaning so that sis could focus on her newborn.

blondek8 · September 2010

My Mom is 30 minutes away and my ILs are 5 minutes away (unfortunately). They will all visit but not everyday, although I'm sure my MIL thinks otherwise. She's in for a rude awkening. I can't tolerate her on a good day. DH is taking 3 weeks off work and even when he goes back his work is super close by. He comes home for lunch everyday close by. If I needed him for some reason he could leave work for a couple minutes - no big deal. Otherwise when his 3 weeks are up and I'm feeling overwhelmed my Mom would help me out. My MIL is not welcome at my house unless DH is present.