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Advice, sticky situation

SariGarciaSariGarcia member
in June 2011 Moms

My sister has been TTC for just about a year.  They just found out that they will probably have to do IVF.  She found out recently we were trying and got very upset.  I realize it is extremely difficult to be in her situation, and could not even imagine.  The question is how and when should I tell her.  We work together(family business) so I feel I should say something sooner rather then later in case I start having symptons.  Her situation aside I always envisioned giving her some sort of aunt gift, but now I don't want to come across as insensitive to her sitaution.  Any help is greatly appreciated!  Thank you!

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Re: Advice, sticky situation

  • cvl105cvl105 member

    That is a very sticky situation. I would wait till at least you hear the heartbeat.  This way, god forbid, anything happens with your pregnancy you can avoid telling her and hurting her feelings unnecessarily.  I hope that came across the way I was trying to...and not insensitively.

    I wouldn't get her a gift just yet either.  She probably won't be in the celebrating mood.

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  • HallilHallil member
    imagecvl105:

    That is a very sticky situation. I would wait till at least you hear the heartbeat.  This way, god forbid, anything happens with your pregnancy you can avoid telling her and hurting her feelings unnecessarily.  I hope that came across the way I was trying to...and not insensitively.

    I wouldn't get her a gift just yet either.  She probably won't be in the celebrating mood.

    I would have to agree with this, you don't want to tell her too early...or too late, but she will have to find out eventually. Hopefully she doesn't take it too hard

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  • Winkski15Winkski15 member
    hmmm that is tough. I think eventually you are going to have to tell her.  Sure she will feel a little sad for herself, but at the end of the day you are her sister and I'm sure once that passes she will be happy for you.  I would, however, tell her seperately, than say, a group announcement to your whole family all at once or something.
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  • ~denise~~denise~ member
    I agree with PPs but also I would try not to tell everyone but her (and expect everyone to keep it a secret). That happened with a friend who was pregnant and another friend of mine that was told she couldn't have children on her own and it didn't work out well.
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  • gymnst1013gymnst1013 member
    As someone who has been in your sister's shoes, she is probably going to be very happy for you, but more sad for herself to start.  I can say that I would much rather receive this news via email.  That way she will have the chance to cry and feel awful in private.
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  • bajanbrownbajanbrown member

    imagegymnst1013:
    As someone who has been in your sister's shoes, she is probably going to be very happy for you, but more sad for herself to start.  I can say that I would much rather receive this news via email.  That way she will have the chance to cry and feel awful in private.

    I agree, I've been in your sister's position as well. I would also explain why you chose to tell her via email instead of in person. 

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  • tdmd09tdmd09 member
    I would also probably not get her any kind of aunt/baby gift right away. If someone handed me anything baby-oriented in her position, I would feel obligated to keep it, but it would be a constant physical reminder of what I don't have.
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  • SariGarciaSariGarcia member

    Thank you all!  I had already planned to not to a gift, but thought of doing it in person rather then phone/email.  But now I am leaning towards email,  Thank you again for the advice. 

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  • becrp2010becrp2010

    Be careful with the email, route. I know my sister and she would find an email to be insensitive whether she was having issues conceiving or not.

     I TOTALLY understand why and how an email would be appropriate in this sistuation, but be sure that this way is okay and works for you and sister. If you think she would be okay with an email, maybe mention why you chose email as an option. I hope everything works out!

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  • mommemmommem

    We are also trying to figure out when and how to tell people who have been trying with no success. We are going to do it in person or over the phone for those too far away to see. It will be a private conversation, not a huge family announcement where everyone else is so happy and that person would have to try to fake it too. One on one you can tell her you know this must be upsetting and hard for her, and that you respect her wishes to be as involved or not in your pregnancy. I haven't been in their position, but I have had friends tell me this is what they would prefer - as opposed to not telling them, doing it in a large group, or via email/facebook/blog. Good luck.

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  • rbcalvinrbcalvin member

    imagegymnst1013:
    As someone who has been in your sister's shoes, she is probably going to be very happy for you, but more sad for herself to start.  I can say that I would much rather receive this news via email.  That way she will have the chance to cry and feel awful in private.

    I would be careful with email.  I have had a loss and then had my sister tell me (2 months later) she was pregnant via email shortly after.  This was horrible to me and our relationship is not the same.  I was sad for myself at first but even more sad that she felt so little of my feelings she would tell me via email. 

    I think you know your sister best and will know how to deliver the news.  This is a tough situation no matter what and each person wants info differently.

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  • bajanbrownbajanbrown member
    imagebecrp2010:

    Be careful with the email, route. I know my sister and she would find an email to be insensitive whether she was having issues conceiving or not.

     I TOTALLY understand why and how an email would be appropriate in this sistuation, but be sure that this way is okay and works for you and sister. If you think she would be okay with an email, maybe mention why you chose email as an option. I hope everything works out!

    I agree, while I would prefer to know by email instead of being put on the spot, everyone is different you know your sister and your relationship best. go with your heart. GL! 

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