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Success after IF
DavezWife
member
Can we talk religion?
DavezWife
member
as long as we're testifying!..... ;-)
I've wanted to approach this topic before, but not sure how.
I guess I'm curious how others couple FAITH and/or RELIGION with their battles with INFERTILITY.
Has your faith changed from where you were at with it before this war started? better or worse? What REASONS do you believe you're going thru this? (like, WHY are do you have a blocked tube/half an ovary/high FSH, etc) - Do you think it inner-twines with faith, or it's just science?
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For me (me) I was raised Catholic, but never really got "into" it. Faith is in my heart, but I'm a pretty "science created the world" not some dude/woman named God. Traveling all around the world, I've seen faith come in 10000 different colors and styles, and really support the idea of " to each their own. "
A month ago I sat in a big fancy (catholic) church at a big wedding, and listened to the Father give a sermon about God giving you your family. Yeah, well, in my eyes, God has taken 9 members of my family to keep for himself, and I don't like that. God and I are fighting.
But then I retort to my "scientific" roots, and just tell myself, God didn't take those babies, something physically/chemically is wrong with me. Find it, fix it, and I'm fine. (right.....) Then the catholic guilt seeps in, and I fester on this.
Then of course, there's my mom, who's telling me perhaps God is telling me to stop trying, and I'm not listening. I don't like her God, and choose not to listen to him right now.
YOUR THOUGHTS? (not on me, just about religion)
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"I did it for Cricket"
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can we talk religion?
Ooh, this one should get interesting!
For me it's been very easy to not involve religion at all. I would say DH and I are both Agnostic. but I'm more open to the idea than DH. I take a more scientific approach too.
I've had many people say that my both my babies are miracles. While I agree (all babies are miracles in my mind), it's not for the same reasons. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that Hadley was my gift from god and me getting pregnant so soon after Stella was meant to be. I think everything happens for a reason, but I don't believe it was god. I believe I had unprotected sex thinking I couldn't get pregnant when in fact having a baby got me ovulating.
I feel badly for anyone dealing with IF to have the whole religious guilt or judgement to deal with on top of everything else. It's hard enough to handle on its own.
I WISH I were religious...
I had the thought a million times about how comforting I might find it if I could just say "well, if its god's will I will have kids".
But I'm not. at all.
I think i totally stopped believing in anything sometime around the time my brother died at 29.
Neither DH nor I believe in anything. This position hasn't really been a factor at all in dealing with infertility, except that after losing our babies while going through the various stages of grief I went through periods of wondering if maybe that's why we lost them, if we were being punished for being atheist, etc., but I don't truly believe that, and honestly, if I did believe in any sort of religion, god, being, etc., my feeling is that it would be more of a merciful, benign force, not something doling out vengeance or punishment, particularly on people that are good and moral, even if not practicing of a specific religion. There are plenty of bad people out there who haven't suffered through anything similar so it just doesn't add up. If anything, my babies' dying has just cemented my lack of faith.
Infertility per se (versus our loss) - never even gave it a thought. I think the reason behind our infertility is (a) my being fat which made my hormones all out of whack in puberty and beyond, (b) maybe DH having a little too much fun in his 20's and messing with the boys, but mostly (c) bad luck of the draw.
Has your faith changed from where you were at with it before this war started? better or worse?
We are Christians, we love God - always have and always will. Our faith has not wavered in the face of IF in fact if anything it has opened up our eyes to the GREAT need of the orphaned children that the bible calls us to watch after (James 1:27). We know that no matter what happens in terms of children in our future it is God's plans for us. He does not wish us harm sometimes he just redirects and we feel like we should be open to that. Which we have....
What REASONS do you believe you're going thru this? (like, WHY are do you have a blocked tube/half an ovary/high FSH, etc) - Do you think it inner-twines with faith, or it's just science?
I have PCOS. DH has borderline low/normal counts and morph (not to bad though). I don't think that what we have biologically affecting us from getting pregnant has anything to do with my faith. Its the facts some people have problems some don't. I don't think me having anymore faith in God is going to cure me. However, my faith DOES get the through the ruff times when Im really hurting bc I know I have a great big God that cares about me.
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
I am an agnostic: a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable; broadly : one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god.
I don't feel I am in a position to say one way or another whether there is a God/higher power.
I am pretty scientific/logical/literal by nature. So, I lean that way, but for all I know there is something/one more powerful than all of that who is running the show (though I have a hard time making sense of that).
I also like the idea of metaphysics as a basis for "religion": The branch of philosophy that examines the nature of reality, including the relationship between mind and matter, substance and attribute, fact and value.
None of this factors into my feelings about IF.
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!
I'm a born again Christian and get asked this a lot. There is God, and there is science involved, I believe.
He knows the joys of our heart.
I have risen above my issues ( most the time )and turned it into a ministry. I've found a way to encourage/reach out to others struggling with it and I've ministered to them. That's why I am put here. And in doing so, I feel so much better, and He will bless me.
Dont get me wrong, it's a sucky ministry to be in, I'd rather go back to my singing ministry,ha! but I'm realizing I'm stronger than infertility and I wont let it rule me.
I will trust that God will put the right doctors in my life to fix or help these issues I have. His plan is sufficient for me, and his timing will be perfect.
i'm a Christian. i believe that things work according to God's plan & i try my hardest not to question that plan.
i must say- there were times i did question Him while going through IVF hell- i was in a very broken & confusing place. i wanted to ask "why" but what right do i have to question God? you know?
it was tough. but i think i'm stronger after all of it & i feel like my faith is stronger too. i thank God every day for allowing me to experience the gifts which are my children. without Him they wouldn't be here & His timing was perfect- as always
one of the best examples of putting all of your faith & trust in God is Tabitha (from the boards) her faith puts mine to shame- i am always in awe of what she went through & where she is today. her blog is that gentle slap i needed from time to time.
look at the birds | bless this food
Damn...wish I could have said it this well. But I absolutely agree with you!!
I am a spiritual person but NOT a religious person.
I'm all for people finding comfort/strength in their faith, howeverrrrrrr, I hope they keep it to themselves. if you pray to god or santa claus, keep it private. my MIL is forever shoving her christian ideas down my throat and it's rude and uncomfortable. (plus I have major issues with "the church" in general. I'm going to stop here...)
2 infertiles' journey to 2 pink lines (and a baby girl)
"our IF story"
I guess my "short" answer is that as a Christian, I believe we are each given our own struggles to deal with. Because no man (or woman) is perfect, we all have burdens to bear. The women on here deal with infertility. Others deal with bad hearts, or cancer, or blindness, or <insert other issue here>. I feel that God blessed us with the knowledge to combat these problems (IF treatments, cancer therapies, etc.). Again, not being perfect, we don't have perfect solutions. But we keep working at it. I'm a very scientific minded person and in my mind, science only further confirms my belief of a creator. How else could two tiny cells be smart enough to go through all of the changes necessary to eventually become the complex being that is a human? There's too much at work there (to me) for it to have just been an accident.
Was that still short? I tried to be short!
Well.... I grew up in a very Catholic household, and married a man who was raised in a very Catholic household, and went to Catholic school. We are not Catholic anymore.
I had a crisis of faith sometime in college, with everything that the Catholic church was doing I couldn't agree with, on homosexuality, on women on the alter, on birth control, abusive priests, the church's view on other religions, etc. I worked through my problems and continued to attend church, but never felt 100%. Then I met DH, who had his own similar set of things which made him rethink the Catholic church. We were married in a Catholic mass, and attended church for a good 2-3 years together. The last straw for us though was what the church and our families told us about our troubles having a baby. When it came time to get some help, we were told, that we would not be supported in the church. The fact that Sean was a product of an IUI, and not sex alone, means that my child is a sin in the eyes of the church, and it still is a very sore subject for me and DH. After we learned that, we didn't go back, well we did, but only until we could find something else. We had a deacon at the Catholic church we had gone to baptize Sean because we hadn't settled into any other church. We also only did it after he told us that just because he was baptized in a Catholic church didn't mean that we had to raise him Catholic.
We have always been people of faith, we believe in a God, but we believe that its a peaceful God, and not a God that wants to punish all the time. We believe in God, but not the doctrine of the Catholic church, so we looked elsewhere. Right now we are a combination of Episcopal and Unitarian Universalist.
God and I have had many chats.... I was so angry at God for my TTTC, and my m/c that I couldn't have imagined a God wanting that to happen to anyone. I was angry. God and I are on better terms now, but we need to talk in a different environment, one thats accepting of the choices that I've made and the principles that I believe in, thus we switched religions.
m/c August 2007 - Blighted Ovum
Sean - Our IUI/Injectable miracle born Oct. 5, 2008.
Liam - Our second miracle born July 16, 2010
I'm Catholic and I honestly feel like my son is more special because we worked so hard to get him. However, I've had it easier than many people on this board. It took us 3 1/2 years to get pregnant, but we only did 3 IUIs & 1 IVF so I actually feel like we had it pretty easy. I've never lost a baby, it just took a long time to have one, but if I did have a miscarriage I might have different feelings than I have now.
I don't agree with the Catholic church about IVF, I feel that if God didn't want us to have a baby we wouldn't have had one with or without fertility treatments. However, I do question myself on these beliefs at times.
- My pregnancy wasn't exactly easy (severe morning sickness, several bleeding scares, an abnormal anatomy scan which led to many visits to the peri, an injury to me which required a lot of pt and I'm still not fully healed)
- Delivery was very rough (son turned at the last minute and needed to be manually turned for delivery, 4th degree tear, meconium aspiration, son needed chest compressions for low heartrate, my blood pressure dropped dangerously low and needed additional meds to bring it back up)
- My son has a couple of health issues that have come up since birth as well as one non-functioning kidney and still wakes up every 1-2 hours at night
- I have a tear in my knee that I've been dealing with since he was 2 months old which has required multiple MRIs, a lot of pt, and now it looks like surgery. I feel like I haven't been able to care for my son well because I can't walk well, climb stairs, or easily get on the floor to play with him
Based on all of these things I often wonder if we are being given a lot of challenges because we wanted a baby so much we were willing to do IVF. Kind of a "I didn't give you a baby the easy way for a reason and you went against that and did IVF so I'm going to make it more challenging for you". At the same time, I feel like these are all very small problems and they could be much worse so I should be grateful to have had it so easy. Sure things haven't been perfect, but nothing has been too horrible that it is going to drastically change our lives. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it isn't that bad - for example, if I get upset that one of my son's kidneys doesn't work I just remind myself that I should be grateful for the one that does work, without that kidney he wouldn't be alive. I think all of our challenges have made me more so much more grateful for what we have, but on a bad day I can easily feel down about some of them and wonder why my friends all seem to have it so easy.
Sorry about the novel! I never actually tell anyone any of this stuff and just felt like spilling it all today
IVF #1 - BFP (6dt)
Unassisted Pregnancy #2 - lost at 15w6d due to T21, severe heart defects, and fetal hydrops
THis! I couldn't haver said it better myself (except I don't have a second child).
I was raised catholic but do not consider myself catholic. I too have been hurt by what the church finds acceptable and not acceptable. The fact that they don't want science involved with helping families create families was the last straw for me. I feel that most religions are hypocritical at best.
My husband is Jewish. I have thought about converting but religion doesn't play a huge role in his life either. He considers himself Jewish more from a cultural aspect than from a religious one.
It comes down to the fact that neither of us think too fondly or any kind of organized religion.
I'm sitting in a meeting and can't respond in depth, so I'll just echo the bolded above from llrb.
If anything, my faith is stronger having gone through IF, similar to the way that my relationship with DH is stronger.
God didn't give me IF. God didn't cure it. But God loved me through it. (again, just my personal belief
This was right on the money for me, thank you BelleBaby for answering for us.
This is such a personal topic!
I raise my head to the sky every day and say THANK YOU for my gorgeous daughter. I am not sure who I am specifically talking to! I was raised catholic, but am so justice-minded that I cannot wrap my head around "everything happens for a reason." I just can't accept that my baby died for a reason while other babies live to be born into abusive homes or worse. What is the reason for that? I don't think it is all part of God's plan or that it was "meant to be." I believe that there are physical things wrong with my hormones and ovaries causing me to be infertile. Bad things happen to good people and we all just try to deal with what we have to deal with.
I have decided not to baptize Gwen in the Catholic Church because I was told by that same church that my son was meant to die. I do feel guilty about not having her baptized because, what if I'm wrong? haha. But at my nephew's baptism Gwen was being loud. We headed to the back of the church where I had plenty of time to read their brochures on how IF treatments are a sin and the hideous things they said about the babies/parents as a result of treatments.
That pretty much confirmed to me that we have no religion at the present time.
I am Catholic and DH is not. He is not baptized in any religion. DD is baptized Catholic. As a family we tend towards agnosticism (great definition SeaSoul). It's funny that this topic comes up today because I was going to post my big "I'm dealing with my anxiety" f/u today. One thing that I've really struggled with in the past week is whether or not I'm so anxious because I've essentially stopped having faith. Obviously this would be personal to my situation but I can say that during my pregnancy I was very zen because I was very close to God during that time. I mean seriously more spiritually in tune than I had been in my entire adult life. Not to say that because I prayed a lot I got a take home baby but just that I was very calm and relaxed about it. Now I've gotten so busy I've pushed God and time for God out of my life. And I wonder if my punishment is this horrible anxiety that is eating me up. I don't know.
Re: infertility. Don't blame it on God. Recently read that PCO is inherited possible from fathers. So now I can blame it on my bio dad. Really I blame it on my weight. Fat holds on to hormones and throws off balance. I'm fat. Ergo, I have hormone imbalance issues. I think the fact that so many have conquered PCO by losing weight is "evidence" enough for me on that one. Too bad I can't blame God for putting McDonalds in my way.
lol, why not? I do. He made man and man made bricks and french fries. lol.
Very interesting subject. I would love to hear more from the side that's still close to their faith. I remember one time I was "very upset with God" that someone died. I voiced this, and the priest who happened to be there piped in "well, at least you still believe in him." That's stuck with me thru the years. But you know, I find myself being a LOT more spirtual and affected by things bigger than science... like when I'm at a top of a mountain about to tear it up, or looking at my daughter grow, etc....
I'm Catholic... Love the church, the tradition, the litergy, and the commitment to social justice. Not at all a fan of much of what comes out of Rome about IF, homosexuality, etc. I guess I see it sort of like a big family... I love my family dearly, but strongly disagree with some of the decisions they make!
That said, when it comes to IF, I go back to my fundamental belief that God is love. I don't believe that God is up there orchestrating day-to-day activities or even when or how people conceive children. IF just changed how I see that. I believe good and bad in life happens - but God and our faith in God allow us to take what happens, find meaning in it, and find opportunities in it to grow as individuals and to minister to other people.
Bad things happen in life (like IF), and God isn't making them happen. But rather faith can help us find the beauty in life's challenges. IF made me more compassionate, more patient, more humble, and more grateful for the many other blessings we have in life. Through IF, I have found an amazing community of women who minister to one another through their shared experiences of pain. Without my faith, I worry I would have become more bitter and more isolated in the struggle. But I find God in the relationships I've built and in the Hope I have that we will find joy and peace in whatever our family looks like when all is said and done.
Of course, that is just me and my experience with my faith and with God. I would never assume to know another's experiences nor expect other's to agree with me. My faith is rooted in a faith community, but is fundementally between me and God.
Because we're fancy like that.
I'll preface this by saying I apologize if my post in any way offends you but this is what I believe.
DH and I were both raised Catholic by force. Once we both left home, it was all over. However, we were married in a Presbyterian church. I did not care to get married in a church at all but bended to DH's wishes. At that time, we also attended this church on a very infrequent basis so that we could be married there. Since that time, I've confirmed to myself that the only "belief" that I have is that religion is a man-made construct and there is no existence of some higher power that rules over everything. I've always believed this on some level but I never really "came to terms" with it until recently. It's still not something I express to family and friends. If DH and I actually "talked religion," I would obviously let him know that I'm off the wagon but we don't have this conversation because it's not a part of our lives. I've basically gone into avoidance mode with my mom. Luckily and surprisingly, she hasn't made a big stink about us not baptizing DS.
In direct answer to the question, our struggles with IF in no way shaped or had any effect on my beliefs and vice versa. I think it's great that religion and faith can help some people deal with these issues but it's not for me and I think it's much more an added burden for some than it is helpful.
Yep, I like this.
Because we're fancy like that.
I am Catholic. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school. We have Paige in a Catholic Mother's Day Out program, and she will go to the same school I went to as a child.
I believe in a good and just God. Everything good comes from God. If it's not good, it's not from God.
God didn't give me infertility. He DID give me the strong desire to be a mother, a husband who was committed to our goal, and the means to beat our infertility.
I found peace with my God about doing IVF, even though traditional Catholic teachings disagree with it.
Paige is a perfect reflection of God's love, and the love my husband and I have for each other.
Being Catholic is just a part of who I am. I can't lose something without saying the St. Anthony prayer (patron saint of lost things). It just comes naturally to me!
This is how I feel 100%.
I am Jewish, DH is Catholic, but neither of us is remotely religious. I do believe in something I'm just not sure what. DH and I have both lost a parent in the past few years, and we could easily use that to "prove" to ourselves that there is no God. However, when I start to go there, I remember something my grandfather said after my 35 year old uncle (his son) passed away.
He said that people use situations such as that to say that there is no God. But if that were true, who can he thank for the 35 years he had with his amazing son? I thought that was the most beautiful and well put statement, and try to remember that in difficult times.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and there is a plan for each person. DH and I didn't have as long a road to parenthood as most of the ladies on this board, but I feel like if we hadn't had the struggles we did, we might not have the child we have. My aunt was unable to get pregnant and ended up adopting 2 girls... she is now so thankful for her infertility because she wouldn't have the daughters she does. She firmly believes that they were created to be hers (and I believe they were created to be my cousins because I love them dearly and I am so grateful that they were brought into our lives!!)
Again, I'm still trying to figure out the whole religion thing for myself!
I'm a practicing Christian and infertility did not damage my relationship with God. When it comes to such things it always helps me to remind myself that all of us have our crosses to bear. Heck, that just helps me get through daily life and be kind to those around me even when I'm having a bad day.
God did not promise us a lifetime of puppies and rainbows but he did promise us that if we have faith he will see us through our trials and tribulations and, in the end, bless us with eternal life.
Also, I'm a Methodist, which means I believe in Free Will. That helps me let go of the tendency to blame God for trials and tribulations.
We're Catholic. Catholics by the book per the Pope, don't believe in IVF. I carried this with me throughout IF. 2 days before my ER, I went to see my priest about it. He said he has researched this a lot and in his eyes he thinks that it is more of a sin to NOT seek this out and try everything we can and fill that hope in our hearts than IVF being a sin.
We didn't feel good ourselves about destroying embryos. Catholic, science, whatever you want to call it, just didn't sit well with us. I also was not ready to donate them. We took a risk and fertilized only 5 eggs (of 26 retrieved) hoping for the odds. 2 made it to day 5 transfer. One is my beautiful daughter.
IF honestly brought me closer to God. Oh I got angry, confused, whatever you want to call it, but the truth is I am so blessed. I hope your journey continues...
We are lifelong Lutherans. For a different perspective, our chuch held our hands through the entire IF process. The day I went in for IVF retrival my Mom and Dad were with members of our congregation visiting the Wailing Wall, and our female pastor lead a group of women in prayer for our success as my mom put her wish for a grandchild into the wall, and same with my father on the other side.
The day of transfer, they happened to be at the supposed spot where Jesus was Baptised, and our pastors took water from the river as the group prayed for our IVF. That water was used to Baptize DD.
Our church has an IF support group. So, not all churches feel that ART is indeed a bad thing. Some embrace it.
At the end of the day, they've been nothing but supportive through and through. I didn't question God when faced with IF, it was just bad luck and a battle we had to go through.
When I landed in the hospital from October until Christmas with pre-e, we had constant prayers and visitors from church and it helped so much with getting through that time. When DD arrived hours before the Christmas Eve services, the announcement of her birth brought such a celebration in the church people still talk about it. We had an enitre community behind us, praying for us, rooting for us, and it worked out.
Now why, I don't know. I don't think we were favored by God because we have faith and prayers rooting us on. But somehow, in ways I can't explain, it made a difference.
When we were in the hospital, the prayer list at our church read "pray for patience and strength as they await the birth of our child" - I didn't learn this until after the fact. I, who am not patient, and not strong, had more patience then imaginable to lie on my left side for weeks on end. I have to believe the prayers somehow helped.
Dh & I were both raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school k-12 and Dh's family left Belfast, N. Ireland in 1972 because the religious "troubles" there. Religion has always been front and center for both of our families.
We were married in the church and went regularly for a few years. We are godparents to many of our nieces and nephews. Sean & I used to talk a lot about the various ways we did not agree with the Catholic church - views on homosexuality for one, but we were still willing to take the good with the bad, so to speak.
And the IF happened to us and neither one of us could wrap our brains around the fact that we were going straight to hell for creating a child using IVF. We were sickened by the thought that she could not be baptized if they knew of her conception and we refused to lie about it.
The more we talked about it, the more we realized we have no desire to be apart of the RC church or to raise our daughter in a faith that is so archaic in its views on reproduction, BC, homosexuality, women, etc...To stand up there and have her baptized would be the ultimate hypocrisy to us. It would be a lie.We want to raise our daughter to be a loving, caring person, who is accepting of all people and we don't feel that is the message of the RC church. Our family is having a difficult time with our decision.
On one hand, I look at Dh & I, who were raised Catholic and I think, "we turned out alright", but I just can't get past it for Eliza.
We have been talking about joining an Episcopal church - Catholic light as it's known. All the traditions, none of the guilt. But we are having a crisis of faith in general, so I really don't know what we will do.
I have a hard time believing in an all powerful being that listens to prayers and grants miracles at will. Why some and not others than? Why did we go through IF and my 18 yr old nephew got his girl KU? Why does one child in a hospital die while the other is "saved"? Why do we get to enjoy such peace and prosperity in our own nation when there is so much poverty, violence and despair in the world??? I could go on and on...
For me, I always describe IVF as the hand of science meeting the hand of God/higher power. I believe in Science and I believe there is a greater power at work.
I don't believe our IF has anything to do with God. I believe it is all science. I do believe everything happens for a reason.
Well, I was going to read the responses first so I could just "ditto" if someone said what I'm thinking, but wow, there are too many!
Basically, I am Christian and don't feel that IF has had any effect on my faith or views concerning God. I don't believe there is a reason why we're IF; it's just something that happens. I believe that God can intervene in our lives when asked, as he chooses in his discretion (which I believe is superior to my understanding of the world, thus I make every effort to not question it). If he intervenes, sometimes it's "miraculous," and sometimes it's through science. I believe he does want the best for us but doesn't just hand over everything we want -- that's not the same thing. Sometimes he is guiding our lives (generally when we are living our lives as we are supposed to), and sometimes he just lets things take their course. (If someone never listens to you, you eventually stop trying to talk to them very often, you know?) There is also a bigger picture that I can't possibly begin to grasp. To me, that's where faith comes in. Life is complicated! Haha.
I bold phrase is perfect for my feelings!
Sorry this is so long...
I was raised Methodist. Mom practicing, Dad C&E. We did VBS, Sunday School until my Mom started working weekends at 11. I sought out church when our family stopped going, doing confirmation with the Methodist church on my own. In high school, I drove myself to a different parish (our church leadership had changed) while no one in my family went to church.
In college, I studied different faiths and did a lot of soul searching. The Catholic faith was most in line my, amongst other things). I do see a great deal of value as to the significant social good the church has done in other areas. I converted to the Catholic faith as an adult, DH and I were married in the Catholic church and DD is baptized there. DH was raised with no religion and is agnostic. He was baptized Methodist and never entered a church again.
I'm Catholic BY CHOICE. I wasn't a cradle Catholic, I wasn't marriage convert. I picked that faith, for a multitude of reasons.
I also picked that faith 100% aware of the fact that I had a IF journey ahead of me and that the church didn't support my fertility treatment. I became Catholic 7 years ago (shortly before I was married I completed RCIA). DH has a birth defect that has left 100% IF and we have always known that known donor sperm fertility treatment was in our future. I discussed at GREAT length my parish priest back home prior to converting. He made me feel very comfortable with my decision to convert and raise my children Catholic.
I will say that one of the qualities God most often gives me the opportunity to change is my inability to compromise or see shades of gray in the world. I so often in my life would draw lines in the sand, saying things like "I would never" or planning my life so down the microscopic detail. Honestly, I think God throws me curve balls to teach me to bend. To love others, accept their decisions, see their reasons for doing things I wouldn't do. I think he laughs when I (from the age of 8) told everyone I would have 5-8 children. I just knew I would be a Mom by 23, have at least five kids (the good old fashion'd way) and etc. We are blessed to be TTC our second (and last) child. We are so lucky to have one. If this is our only (if we run out of IF insurance coverage), then that's okay with us. We may foster adopt down the road if we can't have a second child this way.
I also said (::::no flames please::::) that I would NEVER do IVF. Never. I had ethical issues with the process. See my ticker. It's just one more line in the sand I drew the God gave me the courage to cross. I don't regret my decision. And honestly, the way our IF journey has gone, it happened the perfect way. I was in the process of our 5th cycle/4th IUI and over responded. It was canceled and a nurse made a joke that it was too bad I wasn't an IVF candidate, I would be in great shape. I had less than 2 hours to decide to convert and had an ER 4 days later. If I had time to think it over, I may have waited it out or done 100 more IUI's and I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter. I have the baby I was meant to have. We are undergoing IVF, round 2 in an attempt for #2. I have these made up rules about how it's handled and have a clinic that works with the crazies like me. They play nice in the sandbox with me. I don't judge other's choices about embryo donation or IVF/selective reduction, etc. This is just what works for me and my faith....
Yikes, what a novel!
Is it too late to respond? I've never actually acknowledged this, and it might feel good to get it out.
I say I'm a Christian. But I believe that that means a personal relationship with God. And I don't really have one of those right now.
(Bear with me here) - when my sister was dating and would claim to be in love, I always asked her about their last fight. If she claimed they'd never had one, I didn't put much stock in her delarations of love. I think that it's important for people to fight (in a mutually respectfully and healthy manner) - people are always going to disagree, and the fact that they work through it and come back together speaks volumes, in my opinion.
But when I got HELLP and our twins died - I was terrified to be mad at God. I was scared that I'd start running away and would never look back, and in my heart I don't want that. But it made no sense. And it angered me when people told me that they were praying for me, because "people were praying for our babies, too, and you see how far that got me."
But I didn't want to forever run away, so what I did instead was just ignored the "God issue." That was so much easier than trying to think it through and figure out all the hard questions and make it make sense in my mind. Since then I haven't thought about it, haven't talked to Him, haven't gone to church, etc. - I haven't let myself "go there" in my mind. It would open up such a can of worms.
That said, we did have DH baptized a few weeks ago. I want him to be raised in the church as I was. I want to (and do) sing him songs and read him Bible stories. But I'm just going through the motions. But I feel like my avoidance is the only thing allowing me to even hang on to and keep up the motions.
I'm honestly wondering if it's possible to get back to a good place without ever really dealing with the above. Probably not. But, honestly, I'm not sure I'll ever be in a place to work through all this, so things might just stay the way they are.
Not a lot of time to post but I'll give you the Cliff's notes.
Raised Baptist. Never really bought it.
Any shred of faith I might have had left was completely destroyed after working a few years in mental health/social work.
You wouldn't believe some of the horror I saw during my time working in a hospital. I can't believe in a god who lets children suffer.
Also, watching J go through all he's been through didn't help the cause.
hannah
Not a lot of time to post but I'll give you the Cliff's notes.
Raised Baptist. Never really bought it.
Any shred of faith I might have had left was completely destroyed after working a few years in mental health/social work.
You wouldn't believe some of the horror I saw during my time working in a hospital. I can't believe in a god who lets children suffer.
Also, watching J go through all he's been through didn't help the cause.
hannah
I am late on this post, but here it goes.
I lost my faith. I am with Hannah, too much heartache out there for me. why does God's plan have some infertile and people who clearly shouldn't have children they get children?
Since Hannah also mentioned J, why does he have to have a heart problem, if you met this kid he has one of the biggest hearts ever. He is such a sweet kid, just wants to be like everyone else. I will never forget Hannah's story about when J asked if Santa had to take medicine for his heart. I tear up just thinking about.
What about all the losses on this board, hasn't there been enough heartache just getting pregnant?
I believe in Science, science got me pregnant, science kept me pregnant.
I had a hard time admitting this up until a few weeks ago. I was raised methodist. I went to church camp, prayed a lot, never missed a Sunday. Now I have a hard time even typing T&P, because to me that mean I am thinking about you and I am sending you vibez, but praying... not so much.
I just want to give this board one big ole hug!
::stepping off soapbox::
Savannah
Callista
Baby Trail Blog
"Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
What she said! Very good answer.
I'm not sure anyone is still reading this thread, but I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in . . .
Like many others on this board, I was raised Catholic, as was DH. I practiced a kind of "cafeteria Catholicism" for a number of years, embracing what I liked about the faith, but looking past official views on homosexuality, birth control, IF, etc.
Today, I am somewhere between atheist and agnostic - more and more athiest. DH feels the same. History tells us that some day others will view the God I grew up believing in as we do the Greek and Roman gods of the past - a product of our human need to be able to explain things we don't understand and feel there is something greater than ourselves.
I don't talk about this much, especially with my family. None of my siblings are practicing Catholics anymore, either, but would probably all still consider themselves Christian.
None of this affected my decisions or feelings about IVF, except that I have never told my parents about what we went through to have DS. They are pretty devout Catholics and I just didn't want to get into it.