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3rd Trimester
mrsf123
member
Getting KU on the "first try"
mrsf123
member
My brother's wife just told us that she's 15 weeks pregnant with her 3rd. She said she didn't want to say anything before now because she's 37 and was nervous that the NT and Quad screenings would come back badly and she wouldn't have the baby. Fine.
Then she proceeded to brag to me that she got pregnant on the first try, which she has also bragged about with her other 2 kids. For those who don't know my history, I had a m/c that lasted forever and it ended up taking me about 9 months to get KU, which I admit isn't anything close to having IF issues, but it wasn't like a snap of the fingers either....
I certainly don't wish it on her to have a hard time getting pregnant, but why the need to brag about it? Why does she see this as if it's some sort of measure of success?
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Re: Getting KU on the "first try"
Maybe it was her hormones making her just ramble on nervously. (She probably didn't even think it would upset you and wnted to talk to another pregnant person?) I hope she didn't mean anything negative toward you by it bc that would just be weird.
I feel the same way as Bones - except longer time TTC and needing lots and lots of ART not lupron.
I know, I just don't understand it... I understand being excited but why the need to rub it in my face?
I can definitely understand where you're coming from on this. Sometimes it feels like people who have never struggled with fertility or experienced loss live in a different world from those of us who have.
My first pregnancy ended in a missed m/c and D&C. It was devastating to DH and I. This pregnancy has gone very well, but the fears and hesitations are definitely still there. A few months after my loss, my cousin's wife got pregnant and announced to the world at 4 weeks. Basically she peed on the stick and told. To each their own, but knowing what happened with me, it sort of felt like she thought "I know that happened to YOU, but it won't happen to ME". Obviously they were just excited to spread the news... but to me the 'blissful, non-worry pregnancy' just can't happen after what we went through.
Anyways... I totally get what you mean.
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
I honestly don't think she meant anything negative or to hurt my feelings. I think she's just... .proud.... that she got pregnant immediately. She's not a mean person, just very insecure. <sigh>
I know. I don't think it makes her a more successful person than me or anything! The whole thing just really hurt my feelings.
::hugs:: Some people just don't think.
It's like that old movie quote ..."I'm not asking you to think like I do. I'm just asking you to think."
Very true. That's a good way of looking at it. Thanks!
I am not excusing what she said or the fact that it hurt your feelings, but I will say that I am one of those who gets pregnant easily and I hadn't heard infertility stories (because I had my son young and didn't have a lot of mommy friends for a couple of years) until recently. I really didn't realize how hard some people have it and now that I do I am even more thankful for my fertility. I hope I never said anything that hurt anyone's feelings.
I had a m/c last Fall and it totally changed my perspective. I never realized how hard m/c are until I had one. It's not that I was ever insensitive on purpose, but I can imagine that there may have been times that I was not aware of how painful it could be. Again, I hope I never said anything that hurt anyone's feelings.
Exactly. That's like bragging about having naturally red hair or having a high metabolism. It's not an accomplishment, it's luck of the draw.
I completely agree!
I felt the same way. It's funny how we spend most of our young life thinking that it's soooo easy to get pregnant, fearing that it will happen and avoiding it. And then when you actually want to be pregnant, you realize it's not always so easy.
I feel like my m/c changed my perspective as well. Although it was very difficult to deal with, I think it made me more compassionate and understanding. At least there was something positive that came out of the experience.
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
I imagine she didn't mean anything by it, but don't blame you for being hurt. If she says it again I don't think there is anything wrong with politely telling her she should consider herself lucky then, and that she might want to be careful how often she says that, it may make some people who were not as fortunate feel bad about their luck.
If she seems to say it alot, she may actually be saying it for other reasons, maybe she doesn't want you to think she was "copying" you or trying to hone in on your special time, these are silly to, but you never know, some people feel like especially in families that it is kind of like getting engaged at someone else's wedding or something ya know.
I have one of those "first try" stories, but after learning more about IF from the ladies on TB, I see how talking about it could rub some folks the wrong way. Like a PP mentioned, it's the luck of the draw, but you can't help feeling happy/excited/fortunate if the odds worked in your favor.
Maybe she wasn't trying to brag, but just really excited that it happened so quickly and the screenings came back fine considering her age. I do think she should have been more sensitive to how you might feel though.