so frustrated with my parents! NBR
My dad is obese (350ish) and has all kinds of health problems due to this. He has arthritis and takes meds for that. He takes meds for high blood pressure med, water retention, and 1 other thing I can't remember because (according to my mom), his arthritis medicine causes these other issues, so he has to take medicine to keep everything under control.
He is also type 2 diabetic due to his weight. Instead of controlling that, he eats whatever he wants and takes 4 pills/day to manage his diabetes. So total, he takes 7 pills/day to stay 'healthy'.
He was just in the hospital in August because he had an infection in his pancrease. they ran other test and he has internal bleeding in his kidneys (or liver, i don't remember which) and he has a fatty liver.
Since being out of the hospital (7 weeks ago), he has lost 25 lbs. I was just talking to my mom about visiting them and asked her if she'd like to go with me to our favorite donut shop while I'm in town. She said she would go pick us up donuts in the morning and get my dad one. I told her that he couldn't have one and she said "well, he's lost 25 lbs, he can have one". Really, you reward him for losing weight with fatty food?! Why not do something extra nice for him or something...not food!
Their Dr told my dad he'd be a great candidate for bariatric (sp?) surgery or getting a band put around his stomach. Sure, he's a great candidate because he's overweight, but he still over-eats and never touches fruits/veggies (seriously, he's the guy who orders a large big-mac extra value meal and a double cheeseburger on the side). My parents seem very uninformed about nutrition and how the body works. It doesn't help that they have a very lazy lifestyle. So there is NO exercise on my dad's part. My mom goes on nightly walks and my dad won't go with her because it "bothers his arthritis".
It was like this growing up too. There was never any emphasis put on being healthy (eating right or exercising). Does anyone know of any suggestions on how to get through to them without coming off sounding all preachy-like? My dad has been overweight for 30 yrs, so I'm not sure there is much I can do to help.
Re: so frustrated with my parents! NBR
My uncle just had half of his foot removed because he refused to acknowledge his diabetes.
My aunt can't feel one of her feet because of diabetes.
My grandpa went blind in his 50's because of diabetes.
Giving myself 4-7 insulin shots a day while pregnant is enough for me to really think about whether or not I want diabetes for the rest of my life.
It makes me mad and frustrated that there's a magic pill out there to "treat" diabetes and people can ignore the obvious lifestyle changes they need to make - losing weight, eating better, exercising.
My wake-up call was pregnancy (and all those needles!), but obviously your dad won't be getting pregnant.
Tell him you want your kids to grow up knowing their grandpa. Tell him that you want them to be able to spend fun weekends with them without him getting tired. Tell him that you want him there for their weddings. Tell him you're genuinely concerned that his lifestyle is going to cause him to die earlier. I think that's a really hard thing to acknowledge, especially when it comes out of someone else's mouth.
In reality though, he's lost 25 pounds, so he's obviously trying. As someone who is now dealing with it again (gestational diabetes), I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with 1 donut. It's 1 donut every day that becomes the problem. Or 6 donuts every weekend. Should he reward himself with food? Probably not, but it may stop him from spiraling out of control in the future. Instead of food, encourage him to reward himself with a new shirt, a new pair of walking shoes or a haircut.
I think exercise would really help him. Tell him to start slow. Walk to the end of the driveway for a week. Then walk to the driveway six houses down for a week. Then walk to the end of the street for a week. I think the only way he'll keep it up and not hurt is to take slow steps.
Good luck!
You are probably right about the donut. It just seems so counter-productive to me though.
The sad thing, is that he knows all the bad things diabetes can do to you. He knows he will probably have a premature death. He knows we want him around for his grandkids. He sees DH's dad get down on the floor or run around with the kids and he can't do that. He doesn't play with the kids, unless they come to him on the couch. It's the saddest thing to witness. It just seems to me that he doesn't care. He said the other day that he told the Dr, he "couldn't go on like this" (meaning how bad he has been feeling lately) and he asked the Dr to do something for him. It like he just wants a quick-fix pill to make it all go away. He doesn't want to put forth the effort.
He's lost 25 lbs and that is great, for sure. He hasn't started exercising yet, so that has all been due to cutting calories, which is a great start, but I don't know that he is eating good foods or just less bad foods. Maybe it doesn't matter? IDK. But my guess is that if he doesn't start exercising, his weight loss is going to plateau. But maybe that will be enough of a weight loss for him to not be so achy and can walk a little.
Thanks for the responses so far!
Sorry, I have no advice, but I can imagine how frustrating this has to be for you!
(((hugs)))
So my dad isn't 350, but he's a total junk food junkie, and he drives me crazy by bringing candy and junk for my son! Anytime I go stay with my parents, Dad shows up with McD's hot cakes for breakfast, then goes and get hot dogs and milkshakes for lunch, and then bakes brownies and fries something up for dinner, then gives DS1 circus peanuts and M&Ms through the day. OMG! I have tried the nutrition talk, I have tried yelling, I have tried buying all of J's food before we get there and stocking their fridge/cabinets. I finally am starting to get through to him. Here is our (tiny) progress. If Dad is in charge of J's meals (say, he's babysitting for the weekend), J has to have at least one fruit (fresh if at all possible) with every meal. And it can't be a banana, because those constipate him like crazy. When I was there long enough that I almost had to give my son a laxative because he was so blocked up from all the junk that he was sobbing, Dad finally saw what he was doing to the kid. So that finally worked. But I feel your pain.
Why do our parents know nothing about nutrition? I was a total overweight child. We lived on boxed meals and drive through fast food. If we had a fresh veggie in the house it was iceberg lettuce or a potato. OMG don't get me started. I had to tell my mother what a red onion was, and introduce her to Romaine lettuce. WTH??? Ok, vent over.
I have no advice for you other than to just make sure he and your mom know you're concerned, that you want to help, and that you want to feed your kids differently. I think letting them know that you want them to be around for your children is a strong argument. But honestly, if they don't want to change, you can't make them. You (and I) have to let it go eventually, because it will drive us crazy if not!
This is us almost exactly growing up! I was overweight growing up, but my brother was always stick thin, so I'm guessing my parents didn't think me being overweight had to do with our food. But we ate out a LOT. They would go to the grocery to get soda, snack food, and pre-packed processed food. We had a lot of canned ravioli or salmon patties (salmon from a can, mixed with saltine crackers, then fried). This is the grossest though - round steak broiled in the oven. Then the juice (fat) that drained off of it, we would pour it back on the steak like a steak sauce to make the steak juicier. No fruits were kept in the house and the only 'veggies' were instant mashed potatoes (from the box) or frozen corn.
I actually hold a lot of resentment to my parents on how little they tried to teach us about health and nutrition even though they could see what affect it had on all of us growing up.