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Multiples
#1_BadgeBunny
member
ever feel like a bad mom?
#1_BadgeBunny
member
in Multiples
Lately (since i have been a SAHM) I feel like i barely have enough time to feed &change the LOs...clean up after them and all the other daily crap i have to do let alone educate the LOs. I have been hanging out on the 9-12 board and seems like some of those kids are doing a lot of stuff my guys are not.
I know i know twins can be behind sometimes... but when they were in daycare they seemed ahead of the curve!!!! I mean my LOs are waving bye and clapping and say dada and baba and have started to say mama. but i can cbarely ge them to sit still long enough to read 1 page of a book and with there being 2 kids its 4 sets of hands clawing at the book trying to turn the page which always results in a tantrum bc someone got the book and the other didnt. I try to do sign language but i always feel like my hands are full or im doing so many other hings at once i forget to sign. I try to take them out 1x a day but thats usually to do the 30 errands that need to get done and as im sure you all know after dragging them in and out of the car 2 or 3 times you loose all energy to make the trip educational!
Im exhausted so when they are finally in a good enough mood to play the last thing i want to do is crawl around trying to teach them words and stuff. I know its my job as a mom but how am i suposed to do it all? Dh helps when he is off but since i becme a SAHM he has been working a ton of OT. He literally worked over 80 hrs last week!!!
I know im prob over reacting but lately im just starting to feel like a bad mom! I feel like if i had 1 i would have so much energy and would do so much more for my LO. I feel so guilty and sad for them sometimes. Thanks for listening.
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Re: ever feel like a bad mom?
I sucked at being a SAHM. I thought it was what I wanted but it wasn't. I was far too concerned with all the other house crap to do a good job at home with them. They're in daycare now (at a house) and I feel much better about everything.
I think everyone feels like a bad mom! lol Today- I had lunch with some friends and did some errands, it was a gorgeous fall day, but the entire time I felt guilty for not being home with DH and the babies...
Sounds to me like you are doing an awesome job!
Well it's a relief to me that others feel like a bad mom, or feel that same type of guilt I do. But, on the other hand it makes me so sad!
IMO you should take some pressure off of yourself! If my DH were working that much and I was the only caretaker for the kids during that time... I'd need a break!
As far as the learning curve... you ARE talking about 11mos old babies. I just don't buy into this pressure for babies and toddlers to perform. They can be stimulated and learn w/out learning the same things that kids in daycare learn.
The Baby Signing Time dvds are great. We do #1 & 2, and they are so fun. It IS nice to have babies use signs, but I just reinforce the dvds. It can take a long time for them to actually use signs.
My girls still have tantrums over books like that. The best time to peacefully read a book is while they are strapped into their highchairs
When we read on the floor each baby has to hold a board book while I read a different book. And that only works sometimes!
When mine were really little we did online grocery shopping. I might do it again if DH were working alot. It would be great if you had more time to go to the park or play with them. But, errands are necessary too... just part of life.
Hang in there! You are absolutely not a bad mom!
You're not alone for feeling like this! I am a SAHM and I feel these same things...a lot!
My sister was a SAHM until about 2 months ago. Now her DS (who is only 2 weeks older than my DDs) is in daycare and I too feel like he's ahead of the curve (walking, feeding himself, etc.). While I'm proud of him, I can't help but compare what my girls aren't doing yet.
But I know that we gotta give ourselves more credit as it is a really hard job taking care of the twins! I am glad I have this time with them (I was a teacher) but I often think I might give going back to work a try again to see if the grass is really greener on the other side or not?!?
Hang in there! Sounds like you are doing a fabulous job with your LOs and that they are doing great!! And don't let those other boards get to you!!
I feel like this at least once a day. I'm also a SAHM. My DH works 15 hour days for long stretches, but then he gets long stretches of time off. Its rough. I avoid the other boards because they make me feel bad. The truth is that I'm doing a great job. You are too. We have two healthy, happy babies who feel safe and loved.
Ditto pp. Babies learn just by observing, playing, listening, etc. Our LOs will not be behind in school because it took them a couple weeks/months longer than their peers to wave bye-bye. My foster son came to us at 14 months. He didn't know what a book was, didn't wave, babble, shake his head no, etc. I started sign language with him when he came. Within months he was doing tons of signs and was ahead of his peers. He's three years old now and is incredibly smart. My point - at this age, we are not ruining our little ones. There is plenty of time to teach them things they "should" now if they haven't already picked it up on their own.
FWIW, I have found that our best time for educational activities is in the morning before their morning nap. I have a list of things I want to work on with them and then I get on the floor and play with them. I'm trying to preserve this time so that means for now they don't get solids for breakfast. I can only do so much. Hang in there mama! Your doing a great job! The fact that you worry about such things is evidence of that. PM me of page me if you ever need to talk. SAH is hard and isolating.
I agree! I feel the same way and struggle with this feeling of guilt. When I had DD i loved my job but hated being away from her while she went to daycare. Now that I am a SAHM with all 4 kids I feel like I don;t do enough for any of them, let alone get stuff done around the house.
Like pp said i am sad we all feel this way but glad to know, i too, am not alone.
My DH also works alot more now that i sah so i am basically alone with all 4 most of the time while he does help when he can.
I just started making a little calendar. Some days are errand days, some are I specifically plan fun stuff for the kids and some days for cleaning at home. This is my new plan for the month so we shall see how it goes but as of this being day 2, it's not bad:)
Try to cut yourself some slack we do the best we can. If you ever need to vent or chat send me a pm.
Pay no attention to what is going on the 9-12 board in regards to what other kids are doing. I know that is hard to do, believe me I have the same problem with the toddler 24 month + board. I hear about all these kids saying their abc's at like 25 months and my girls are still working on animal sounds. I know my girls are behind on their verbal skills but are ahead in other areas, they can put together puzzles that are meant for 3+, this is skill that they are better at right now.
Most of what your LO's are going to learn in the next 2 years is going to be through play. As a SAHM we put so much pressure on ourselves to have this perfect home and sometimes it is just not possible. When my DH is home I tell him not to expect everything is going to get done on my list everyday and I may only get 1 thing done that day. He understands, when he is home he sees what I do all day long with the girls and always says there is no way he could do what I do everyday.
My best advice is this:
1) Everyday get on the floor with your LO's and try to play with some animals if you got them and go over animal noises and the names of each animal. Animal sounds are mostly vowel sounds and the first language building skill.
2) I highly recommend signs, I did not do this and I really wish I had. My girls are now learning some signs while in speech therapy because it helps us to get past the non-verbal hump we are currently in. They don't have to learn all the signs and they don't have to do this exactly the right way, but as long as you understand what they are signing that is a huge help. For 6 months before speech my girls were having meltdowns because they just could not communicate to me that they wanted more food or juice, they would just cry instead. Now they say more and sign it at the same time. They also say food and sign it at the same time. I recommend words like: milk, food, drink, more, all done and help. Help is a big one, once I got them signing this, it made things so much easier and stopped a lot of the tantrums because they knew to come sign help and show me what they wanted help with instead of just freaking out and crying because they couldn't get their pooh bear out of their crib or something. Again just a couple of signs that you use in your daily communication with them helps a lot and you will get in the habit of doing it just a few as you say them.
3) You kids are going to learn a lot by experience, when outside try to point out and say the words of what they are seeing. Like tree, truck, car, swings. They really are sponges and pick up a lot from experiencing things.
Don't beat yourself up if they don't get so much time of reading each day. I read to my girls before nap and at bedtime and have been doing it since they were 6 months old, it is kind of a wind down time before putting them down to sleep. But I didn't do much other reading throughout the day. Now at 26 months, I have one that anytime we are in the house she brings me every book we own to read to her. Her sister will go and play with every toy in the playroom while I read to her twin. That is just how they choose to learn. One learns from play and the other from book reading, because of this they are at the same range when it comes to colors because one looks at colors in her book, while the other looks at the colors on the blocks she plays with every.single.day
Once a day.
I'm also a SAHM and most of the time I feel like I'm doing everything to NOT play with my girls. I call my living room the "baby circuit" b/c I am constantly rotating them from play mat to bouncy seat to swing, and then we start all over again! Then I feel guilty that I should be holding them more, playing with them more, etc.
In addition to this, my house has never been dirtier, and I have never cooked less than I do now!
You're like everyone else, in that you wake up every day and do the best you can. But don't compare yourself to everyone else. I always try to remind myself that at least I am home and can love them up all day. I know that sounds corny, but I can provide my girls with a love that a nanny or day care couldn't provide. In the end, I think that's more important for their development than baby sign!
Exactly.
I also feel like I can't give them enough attention. Right when I am holding and talking to one of them the other starts crying. I try to remember that I am a twin and I turned out fine without one on one attention all the time.
I have to go back to work in a few months. My mom is going to watch them while I am at work and I feel guilty about this too. We couldn't afford for me not to (we're both teachers). I wish I could stay as a SAHM.
thanks ladies! I feel better knowing im not the only one who lives day by day hahaha! I think like some of you posted i need to find 1 thing and focus on that for a while. I did that with clapping and they got it in no time. I have a really good friend who is taking her son to sign language classes bc he has some mild hearing loss. maybe i can use her as an inspiration to work on that a little?
ugh! this mom thing is way harder than i thought hahha!