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Attachment Parenting
Quazel
member
Is parenting what you expected?
Quazel
member
Some of the posts have me wondering how being a mom differs from what you expected.
I guess I heard enough horror stories that I expected sleep to be rough. I thought CIO was something you had to do until I had DS and it made no sense to me. I was scared that I was already tired pre-baby and would possibly resent being more tired, I am so glad I was totally wrong about that. I am tired, absolutely, but not one bit resentful. I never thought it would be easy and I completely expected my life to revolve around DS. I really enjoy my life revolving around him. Overall, I think it is pretty much in line with what I expected.
Is it what you expected?
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Re: Is parenting what you expected?
I was a nanny for 8 years prior to having DD, so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect when the sun was up. I kept hearing how lucky I was to be such a well-prepared first time mom given my experience, but I was terrified of how hard things would be when I didn't get to "clock out" at 6pm to unwind with a glass of wine every evening. I think I built it up in my head that nighttime and sleep deprivation and all that would be killer, and it really wasn't. DD has been a much easier baby than I anticipated and I have been very pleasantly surprised at how easily and naturally everything came together for us. And, I never knew how well I could function on less than 8 hrs (hell, less than 5 hours most nights!) of sleep.
Parenting has been far easier, far more joyful, way more fun than I ever imagined.
One thing I wasn't prepared for was how painful BFing can be and the troubles we would have with latch, I thought that would just come naturally and it did not. But once we got it figured out, we were golden.
The O'Baby Blog
I would say I was totally unprepared for how much DD would rock my world.
I knew I would love her, but I had NO idea how intense those feelings would really be. It has put a whole new perspective on my relationship with my own mother, too.
I was prepared to not sleep for a while, but I didn't really know what that would feel like...and I really didn't think I'd still be this sleep deprived a year later. I slept a lot as a baby and hoped DD would do the same, but she took after Daddy instead. Yawn.
Yes and no.
I expected it to be hard, but not nearly as hard as it was made out to be. I think that a lot of people scared DH and I in regards to our parenting decisions (BWing, BFing, CDing, etc.). We were told that it was going to be too time-consuming and impossible to manage with both of us working full-time. We were also told that our parenting style would prevent DS from learning how to self-soothe.
Ultimately, the choices that we made don't really seem to require that much more effort IMO. Also, DS is not fussy at all and people now rave about how easygoing and pleasant he is.
I also didn't expect DH and I to find an even deeper love than we already had. Now that DH is a father, I look at him completely differently and our bond as husband and wife has gotten much stronger. I didn't think that it was possible for me to be more attracted to him than I was before DS, but I am. I wasn't ready for that, but obviously embrace it.
It's both harder and easier. But not in the ways the age boards make it out to be. I expected to never sleep again. I expected to have a baby that woke at night, cried, maybe had colic or reflux, and needed to be held. I lucked out in that DD hardly cries, never had colic or reflux and for us BFing was easy so that always worked to calm her. Plus I discovered babywearing early and it's really made our lives much easier. So that stuff - easier. For sure.
It's harder in that I find that it takes more day to day work and effort than I thought -- I find sometimes just being with her and playing with her is exhausting and I miss being able to sit on my couch and watch TV or read. But I remind myself that this doesn't last forever and I need to get down on the floor and play. But it's hard. And I'm tired. But I love her.
However, I'm still not hormonally balanced and have had some breakdowns. I love being at home with her, but it can be overwhelming when my husband's at work all day. Thankfully he is absolutely amazing and understanding. He basically takes over when he gets home and helps a lot. Even with such a good baby it can still just feel like a lot. Especially when I don't leave the house all day and don't have a chance to talk to any adults all day. I don't really have any friends in the area, but tomorrow I'm going to a new mom group so that might help.
Breastfeeding has been so much easier than I expected. I saw so many posts about people having trouble, but she latched right away and has been great. She was up past her birth weight 6 days after she was born, and up 14 oz. at two weeks.
I'm really excited for her to get a little bigger and more interactive. I am cherishing her being int and cuddly, but I am excited when she has more of a personality.
This is exactly the way I feel.
The other thing that is hard for me is limits and discipline. I'm of the mind-set that rules are made to be broken, and this clashes vastly with raising a toddler
I hate saying no, taking things away, being mean, etc. I just want to be the "fun aunt," which is what I was since I was 11 years old. Now I'm the fun mom until he gets out of control and then I turn into the mean mom. 
I also really really hate cleaning, and my toddler is a mess! Sweeping and mopping is my least favorite household chore, and it needs to be done like 3 times a day now. Ick.
I also find it to be somewhat isolating. I used to be a spur-of-the-moment person. I always had something to do. If DH wanted to go to a hunting, for example, I could make 1000 different plans (or just sit at home and relax). Now, I often feel trapped because I have to plan everything around nap time, where a kid is allowed, etc. Most of my friends don't have kids (many don't even want kids), so while we can do things occassionally, we just don't have the same lifestyle. I can't make a phone call when I want to make a phone call, get on the computer, go to the bar, travel, go on road trips, go shopping, go to the liquor store, go to the gas station, walk the dog, etc. when I want to. I always have to take 2 other people's lives into consideration and that has been hard for me. I can't even freaking get to work on time if I wanted to.
I'm not saying that its not worth it - but I have had to change as a person, especially now that he's a toddler. I had a lot of habits that weren't baby/toddler/kid-friendly.
I think it is equally hard for DH, so that, in turn, makes it harder for me.
Obviously, there are a ton of positives about having a kid, but that didn't come as a surprise to me. I just didn't take into account how mine and DH's selfish personalities would clash with being parents.
Edit: I also found the baby year to be infinitely easier than the toddler years so far. As least babies kind of come with an instruction manual. Hold 'em, feed 'em, change their diaper, play, repeat repeat repeat. When a baby woke up at 3 a.m. and wouldn't go back to sleep, you could lay them down and they stay there. Not so with a toddler! Now I have to chase my toddler at 3 a.m. Not fun.
I felt the same way about my dog! lol
I felt the exact same way! Now I look at Ben's cage and hate the thought that I haven't cleaned it recently and don't want to. I used to love anything that meant taking care of him.
I have thought about this a lot recently?. I don?t think I had any concrete expectations of what parenting would be like. DH and I had been together for over 9 years before DD was born and married several of those years so having kids was a given but when I would think about having a family the kids I would envision were about 6 years old. I realize now how narcissistic I was during my pregnancy but look back upon that naivety fondly because I know it is something I will never experience with future pregnancies. Ignorance was bliss!
DH and I, in terms of our marriage, were hit harder by the challenges of parenting than anticipated. It really turned our marriage inside out and upside down. Throwing a new person into the mix after 10 years of it being just us and our dog was a big adjustment. We?ve adjusted for the better but our pint size ring master?s antics wear our patience thin and the easiest outlet for the frustration is one another.
I had heard the horror stories of toddlers but I never expected DD to have such a big personality at such a young age. I?m constantly amazed by her sense of humor and by how compassionate she is. I knew we would love her but I didn?t know how much she would love us back.