Mom wants to be in delivery room...grrrrr

KMS416 · September 2010

I told my mom 2 weeks ago that DH and I just want it to be the two of us in the delivery room when LO is born. She seemed to take it just fine.

Well, last night she was over for dinner and questioned my decision asking if I was sure about it. She just kept saying, "you're going to want me there" and "who's going to take pictures?" OVER AND OVER. I just kept repeating that we had made up our minds and that was that. So then she asks if it's because I don't want her to see my vagina!

Seriously Mom, that's not the reason!

~*Sarah*~ · September 2010

I wanted my mommy! and am glad she will be with me this time as well. yes its nice just to be you and DH but you might also want her there to be support also but if not ?you need to stress to her that its just going to be you and DH.?

stillbeaksgirl · September 2010

i am so thankful that my mom seems to be the one mother who is totally on board with NOT being in the delivery room.

frankly i am amazed that so many people feel the need to push this issue. a birth is not something to invite yourself to! good luck!

OctoberBabyH · September 2010

Just don't bring it up again. If she asks again though, tell her, "But, Mom I DO want you to see my vagina!" as a joke and brush it off or dance around the subject. You gave her your answer two weeks ago and you obviously are going to do what you want to do (right on!!!) so she isn't going to guilt you into anything or change your mind.

(I am in the same situation)

KMS416 · September 2010

~*Sarah*~:
I wanted my mommy! and am glad she will be with me this time as well. yes its nice just to be you and DH but you might also want her there to be support also but if not you need to stress to her that its just going to be you and DH.

My mom and I have never been close...dare I say I'm closer with MIL than my own mom. She's never taken much interest in any of my endeavors in the past 29 years, until I became pregnant (first grandchild). That's one reason. THe other reason is if she's there, then my step mom should be there and if she's there then my MIL should be there too. I just don't know where to draw the line. 3's a crowd!

~*Sarah*~ · September 2010

stillbeaksgirl:
i am so thankful that my mom seems to be the one mother who is totally on board with NOT being in the delivery room.

?frankly i am amazed that so many people feel the need to push this issue. a birth is not something to invite yourself to! good luck!

yeah on this note I had a c section with DD but I had my mom with me up until then. when my MIL found out about this baby and we found out i would have another c section she has been harassing DH as to why my mom got to be with me again this time and that it should be her turn!!! ummm no i am the one having surgery not your son I CAN HAVE WHO EVER I WANT!!! lol

neurda · September 2010

Ha! Well that would be part of the reason for me. My mom also wants to be there but I am fortunate because she lives in another city about 4 hours a way. She is pretty convinced that she could get here in time because she way in labour for 3 days. The thing is that never in my life has having my mom there in a stressful situation made the situation better. To avoid the constant conflict and tears I haven?t flat out said no but we certainly won?t be calling her as soon as it starts. Does your mom live close by maybe you could avoid calling her until your own the last push?

~*Sarah*~ · September 2010

KMS416:
~*Sarah*~:
I wanted my mommy! and am glad she will be with me this time as well. yes its nice just to be you and DH but you might also want her there to be support also but if not ?you need to stress to her that its just going to be you and DH.
My mom and I have never been close...dare I say I'm closer with MIL than my own mom. She's never taken much interest in any of my endeavors in the past 29 years, until I became pregnant (first grandchild). That's one reason. THe other reason is if she's there, then my step mom should be there and if she's there then my MIL should be there too. I just don't know where to draw the line. 3's a crowd!?

got ya! defiantly then to be fair just stay strong on that its just for you two GL Moms and MILs can be quiet feisty?

KMS416 · September 2010

neurda:

Ha! Well that would be part of the reason for me. My mom also wants to be there but I am fortunate because she lives in another city about 4 hours a way. She is pretty convinced that she could get here in time because she way in labour for 3 days. The thing is that never in my life has having my mom there in a stressful situation made the situation better. To avoid the constant conflict and tears I haven?t flat out said no but we certainly won?t be calling her as soon as it starts. Does your mom live close by maybe you could avoid calling her until your own the last push?

Yeah both she and my in laws both live 10 minutes away from the hospital and she's a nurse there too, in pediatrics. I think that's part of the reason she's pushing so hard, no pun intended

yourmom5309 · September 2010

It was just DH and me. I loved it and would not have it any other way.

TColeman · September 2010

Luckily my mom has never pushed the issues. Mainly because she knows she can't handle it, which is fine. I don't want anyone there except DH. MIL, that is a different story. She surprised us last week saying she was flying in town, I know DH and I are going to have to put our foot down about her being in the delivery room.

Mrs.McLovin · September 2010

Forget about fair when it comes to the delivery room. There is nothing fair about going through labor & delivery. So screw anyone who demands to be in the room to be fair. You pick who you want and that's it.

qme09 · September 2010

stillbeaksgirl:
i am so thankful that my mom seems to be the one mother who is totally on board with NOT being in the delivery room.

frankly i am amazed that so many people feel the need to push this issue. a birth is not something to invite yourself to! good luck!

Yeah, I am pretty glad my mom and I have an unspoken understanding. Its not that we aren't close, we are just both private people. She will be there after LO is all cleaned up and everyone's bonded, but during labor and delivery, is just between me and my Fiance (and the medical staff LOL) .

annesav · September 2010

My parents (and in-laws!) all agree that the delivery part should ONLY be hubby and me. I love that they all understand that it's a private moment. I can't imagine having any one else in the room.

BananaBlitz · September 2010

My mom wants to be there, because when I was born I was an emergency c-section and she had to be under general anesthesia. So she feels like she missed out on my birth and wants to be there for her granddaughter's. But, she's totally reasonable about it -- ie, she said she'll be there if I want her there, and if not she'll be in the waiting room. I'm still debating -- I'd like her to be there while I'm progressing but I'm undecided about when its time to push. I'm leaning more towards it just being H and I.

Kitiara5512 · September 2010

I want my mom there for labor but not sure if for delivery or not. However, its important for her to respect what I want since I am giving birth and not her. Same for you and your mother. Way I see it, she got to see your vag plenty when changing your diapers, she can miss out on this time (she was the one bringing it up, not you).

bomilli · September 2010

I am right there with you. This is my first child and we are going med-free (hoping all goes well) and I have no idea what to expect. My midwife and doula told me that anyone that is going to be in the room with you should only be there to help... for me my mom is a source of stress, so this was out of the question. I told my mom, for this first baby I just want it to be DH, midwife, helper and doubla... seems like more than enough already to me. She is so upset with me that she went to a BBQ and told everyone that I don't want her to be at the birth, told me about it and said that everyone was shocked that I would be that way! At least your mom isn't being passive aggressive. It's craziness and totally selfish. Stick to your guns and reassure her she can run in after the baby is born. Good Luck!

longingtoholdher2010 · September 2010

Whatever the reason may be just let her know that if you happen to change your mind mid-labor (which my mom says many women do) tell her she is only one shout away and a nurse can go get her for you if you want her.

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