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3rd Trimester
Grandmother Rant
So apparently LO is getting on the big side (DH was 11 lbs 1 oz so I was worried about this) and Dr. said he doesn't want him to much overdue, so we discussed an induction for weekend of his due date (40w2d) if he doesn't come before then (effacement but no dilation, and I haven't "dropped"). I told MIL, my aunt and my best friend. The only person who I had left to tell was my grandmother. She is only 61, she's not this feeble old woman that bakes cookies and knits soft things. Shes a hypochondriac and pain killer addict (this is what my aunt and I have decided). She screams at my poor grandfather for no reason and constantly criticizes everyone. She thinks baby showers are a ridiculous tradition and everytime she gets a wedding invitation she says, "Oh, she's probably pregnant". I wonder if she's ever been happy a day in her life. She certainly doesn't want anyone else to be happy.
So when I told everyone about the induction, I said that there was NO NEED for everyone to come to the hospital as soon as I came in, and they should just go about their day and we would call them when I got close. Everyone understood. So I finally made the call to tell my grandmother. I said, "I just wanted to give you heads up, but we'll call you when I get close. There is no need to have everyone waiting in the waiting room for hours on end." Her response was, "Well, we will see what happens on that day, I think that I need to be there sooner" She proceeded to tell my that my DH is a wimp and that he'll be more harm than help and I should just have her in the room instead because she knows what labor is like. Then she started making arrangements to come stay with us after the baby is born (we are 2 hours apart) despite the fact that I said I didn't need her to. I was so angry at her. The call dropped and I didn't call her back.
Everytime I try to tell her how I'm going to do something she needs to control it and change it. I tell her we are cloth diapering she starts buying me diapers and says my idea is bad. I said we were EBF and she starts buying me Similac (which ironically turned out to be recalled). She keeps making jokes about buying a trailer and parking it in the parking lot of our apartment complex. I've got news for her, L&D is locked and they will not let her in without a bracelet that we hand out. If she doesn't stop I just won't have her in postpartum either. She stresses me out and if it wasn't for my grandfather (who is the sweetest guy you'll ever meet) I wouldn't tell her anything at all. UGH
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Re: Grandmother Rant
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
My grandma isn't nearly as bad as yours, but I can commiserate a little. DH and I have said from the very beginning that we only want it to just be the two of us at the hospital. The day after we bring LO home we will have over my parents and possibly my grandmother if she wants to come. This has caused A LOT of contention in my family because they all want to be there from start to finish at the hospital. I thought we finally resolved it though since my mom had stopped calling me and crying about it over the phone every other day.
Last weekend at my shower, while posing for a picture with my mom and grandmother, my grandmother brings the whole issue up again saying that she thinks she should be there since something could go wrong and someone needs to be there for DH. FYI, DH can't freakin stand my grandmother because she's so bossy and opinionated. Having her there would stress him out even more if something should go wrong, and there's nothing she could do to help me anyway. DH overheard the whole thing and just looked at me, waiting to see what I'd say. I just said we were gonna stick to the original plan but if we changed our minds we would give them a call.
If only we could pick our family...
I concur!! If she could be mature and helpful then you'll start talking to her more!
I agree with others who have said to stop telling her things or just tell her the bare minimum. She is a different generation and just doesn't get it. My mother, who is in her 60s and is also independent and non-grandmotherly, always talks about how different it was for her. When she had me, my dad had to wait in the waiting room and she was whisked off to triage to labor alone for hours. They lived in a major metropolitan area and she delivered at a modern hospital, but it was just how things were done at the time.
From what she has said, they didn't have the same birth classes, books, or people to talk to and essentially it sounds like they had little to no idea what they were getting themselves into. (I am not the oldest, but she said that you forget things between kids and each pregnancy is different.) I know that for my mom, it is hard to for her to understand that it is a completely different birth experience now and that our husbands are actually there and supportive through the process. My mom has very clear memories of being scared and wishing she had more support. Maybe your grandmother has similar ideas and memories.