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I'm lurking...

mvanrheemvanrhee
in Military Families

First off...

You ladies are amazing to be so devoted to your spouses when they are away. I have an incredible amount of respect for each and every one of you and for your families. You are making huge sacrifices for your family and our country and I greatly appreciate it.

My fiance is supposed to be leaving for basic training in November and i'm really worried about how i'm going to handle 3 months without him. He's on a fishing trip now and will only be gone for 2 days. I already feel like i'm going stir crazy without him...

How do you stay busy while you're alone?

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Re: I'm lurking...

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    rkenyon89rkenyon89 member

    Welcome! And thanks for your support. :) I just wanted to add, be sure to write him LOTS of letters while he is at BCT. It is one of the best feelings in the world to get mail from loved ones.

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    danamh83danamh83
    Pick up new hobbies.  Get back to exercising.  Write him letters even if he doesn't write you back.  Hearing from you really means a lot.  You also have a new baby to keep you busy.  You'll get the hang of it.  Just take it one day at a time.
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    HappyMommy28HappyMommy28 member
    Do things he doesn't like doing.  DH hates shopping, mexican food, chinese food, and spends a lot of time watching t.v.  When he's gone - I take over the tv and enjoy Mexican and Chinese food.  I also do some shopping and spend more time with my girlfriends.
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    laffieslaffies

    For me, the hardest part was the evenings, so I'd plan fun things to fill that time.  

    I went to the gym every day so I'd have a rocking body when I saw him again.

    I brought stationary to Starbucks, ordered a giant latte, and wrote him long rambling letters.

    I took my dog to the dog park every single day.

    I went thrifting with my girlfriends.

    I had my family come visit me from Canada...that distracted me for a week while I showed them around.

    I found free crap on Craigslist and refurbished them into funky furniture.

    Most of all, embrace this time.  It sucks at times, and you'll be lonely, but for me it was a beautiful time to get to know myself again.  Keep telling yourself that you are strong and can do this.  You'll have a lot of separation in the years to come, and it's reassuring to know that you can handle it. 

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    Smudges*MomSmudges*Mom member
    I can see how it can look daunting, from the outside. . . But you get used to it, it becomes your life. The alternative is to never have fun, be miserable and to depend upon your SO for everything--doesn't sound like much of a life, IMHO. While my DH was gone (for 14 months), there were many times that I had to remind myself that DH being gone was not typical. For me, it just was. I was not as good as some wives at finding things to do, but my son and family kept me busy. As a future military SO, it is important, IMO, for your SO to know that you are okay on your own. His focus needs to be on the mission, whatever that may be, not worrying if you've paid the rent, are eating properly or if you are a wreck while he away. Its not always easy or fun, but once you get in the groove, its not always hard or miserable. You can do it!
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    NSLNSL member

    imageSmudges*Mom:
    I can see how it can look daunting, from the outside. . . But you get used to it, it becomes your life. The alternative is to never have fun, be miserable and to depend upon your SO for everything--doesn't sound like much of a life, IMHO. While my DH was gone (for 14 months), there were many times that I had to remind myself that DH being gone was not typical. For me, it just was. I was not as good as some wives at finding things to do, but my son and family kept me busy. As a future military SO, it is important, IMO, for your SO to know that you are okay on your own. His focus needs to be on the mission, whatever that may be, not worrying if you've paid the rent, are eating properly or if you are a wreck while he away. Its not always easy or fun, but once you get in the groove, its not always hard or miserable. You can do it!

     Big ditto to this.  The fact that you're separated isn't going to change, missing him isn't going to change, but your attitude can mean the difference between months of misery or months of staying positive. 

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    xchexche

    I agree with PP that you should write a lot of letters while he's in basic, even if he doesn't write back. When I was in basic, sometimes I was so tired I didn't have time to write back, but every letter I got so excited for every letter. Just that reminder that someone loves you after a rough day is a huge deal.

    Also, be careful how big the envelopes you send are and that you don't send anything potentially embarrassing. If it looks like something could be hidden inside (like pictures), the drill sergeant can make him open the envelope in front of everyone.

    DH and I met at our first duty station straight out of basic, so we haven't had to spend a significant amount of time apart since he hasn't deployed yet, so I don't have any experience there...

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    ksrawrksrawr
    Volunteer at something to keep you busy.  When my DH (then bf) was in training I had student teaching to keep me busy.  And I went out with my friends.  Also make sure to write a ton of letters.  There were only two other people that wrote him besides me and he got maybe 3 letters from them the entire time and on was his parents.  I wrote him at least 3 letters a week if not more.  He loved getting letters just write about what you did or what you baby is doing.  Even though I thought they were not exciting letters he loved them.  Plus we both still have the letters we've written back and forth through that time sometimes its fun to go through them together.
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    mollylilamollylila member

    Have a baby, like me !!! just kidding... please no flames lol. 

    But find SOMETHING to keep busy! Find things you can throw yourself into...

    Redecorate a room,  take on new hobbies, send lots of letters, watch girly tv, i even find myself watching DH's shows sometimes... pick up crafts, sports, etc... and make friends who are in similar situations! I find it so much easier to talk to someone who has been through it. 

    The distance can be tough, but you just take it one day at a time. You will definitely not be the first girl to be in a long distance relationship, nor will you be the last. It is doable, and you will find you are happier being with your man than a lot of people are with a man who is with them all the time. I myself am so much happier being with someone I admire, someone I am proud of. I feel like my relationship with my husband is is so much stronger after every time we are apart, and the moments when you are in his arms are so much more special. 

     

    GL!!  

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