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Why don't they get it?....(longish, vent)

Babybear70Babybear70 member
in Trying to Get Pregnant

Men that is. DH and I got into a bit of a heated discussion last night about testing and when we wanted to do it. We agreed that I would wait until I was supposed to start my period which would be Oct. 3rd. Then last night we were talking about it and now he wants to wait until Oct 10th!!! WTF!?! So the discussion went on for a few minutes and he said "well I would just asoon us wait until you are a month late and then test" and I nearly lost it. So I tried to explain to him that once I get a positive test I have to go to the doctor to get levels checked and all this other stuff, and he said "Is that something you read in a book?" to which I told him no that it was standard procedure to make sure everything was okay, because the longer I wait to go to the doctor to confirm a pregnancy and have everything else checked out the more risk we take. Then he throws this "well they certainly didn't do this 50 years ago and everyone from that generation turned out okay..." So as you can imagine last night was very frustrating. We are in our early 30's, but we are a very old fashioned country family. I love my life, but I'm not about to comprimise a possible pregnancy by trying to be too old fashioned. I'm still testing the day I am supposed to start, and he said he is fine with that, but I could still hear a bit of frustration in his voice.

Anyone have any suggestions to make this easier to deal with? Is he being unrealistic, or am I just being impatient? Please help!!!

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Re: Why don't they get it?....(longish, vent)

  • rxy5309rxy5309 member
    My H knows he has NO say in when I test, go to the doctor, etc. He is very interested in what is going on, but he knows as in everything else if I feel like it is best then that is what is going to happen (after discussing it with him of course). It is super sweet that he is so interested in what is going on, but It is your body and you know it best. You have been doing all of the work and research. Ha sorry I feel now feel like I am throwing my feelings on you. Do what makes you feel most comfortable. Unless they read everything and do lots of research men have no clue what is going on with all of this baby making stuff. I would test when you feel comfortable testing. HTH = )
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  • Babybear70Babybear70 member

    Thanks rxy5309. That does help. At least I know that I'm not being unreasonable. I'm so glad that he is interested in everything that is going on, but you are right, I'm the one doing all the research and I just want to make sure that we do everything right so we don't have any problems down the road.

    It later came out that he is afraid I will slip up and say something to someone when we aren't out of the danger zone and jinx the whole thing. I have a hard time keeping secrets, but I told him that I would keep this one so as not to put anything up for chance. I think that was his biggest beef with the whole "finding out" thing. Thanks again. I'm glad someone understands me!

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  • MsCrispyMsCrispy member

    I can see both sides. Unless you've had problems before, I don't think the doctor actually needs to see you right away. (If you have had problems, then they will want to run tests asap). So your husband may be right that it doens't really matter. However, I couldn't wait that long, so I'm more with you.

    I think I would test when I want to and just not make a big deal out of it. If it's positive, go tell him. If it's not, then he doesn't even have to know. It may just be too much TTC talk for him. Who knows.


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  • Babybear70Babybear70 member
    imageMsCrispy:

    I can see both sides. Unless you've had problems before, I don't think the doctor actually needs to see you right away. (If you have had problems, then they will want to run tests asap). So your husband may be right that it doens't really matter. However, I couldn't wait that long, so I'm more with you.

    I think I would test when I want to and just not make a big deal out of it. If it's positive, go tell him. If it's not, then he doesn't even have to know. It may just be too much TTC talk for him. Who knows.

    I think this is part of the problem. But after so many years of wanting it, and laying down the foundation for a family, and finally him giving the go ahead for it all, I would have thought he would have been ready for all that came with it. Guess I will lay off and just talk to you girls for awhile so as not to over stress him about it. Thanks MsCrispy! Smile

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  • Ceridwen21Ceridwen21 member

    This is your body, right? I'm not missing anything?

    If my DH ever tried to tell me what to do regarding my reproductive health he'd get more than an earful from me.

    Oscar born October 2011

    Miscarriage at 8 weeks (August 2013)

    DD due September 1, 2014

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  • Firefly9Firefly9 member
    imageBabybear70:

    Thanks rxy5309. That does help. At least I know that I'm not being unreasonable. I'm so glad that he is interested in everything that is going on, but you are right, I'm the one doing all the research and I just want to make sure that we do everything right so we don't have any problems down the road.

    It later came out that he is afraid I will slip up and say something to someone when we aren't out of the danger zone and jinx the whole thing. I have a hard time keeping secrets, but I told him that I would keep this one so as not to put anything up for chance. I think that was his biggest beef with the whole "finding out" thing. Thanks again. I'm glad someone understands me!

    My DH feels the same way (he says he's had too much disappointment in life, and doesn't want to get everyone excited and have something bad happen), but he knows it's not the doctors we have to worry about.  I told him early on, about 6 months before we started trying after my last gyno appointment what she recommended.  Maybe if you tell him that's what your doctor said last time you were in he'd be more willing to accept it?  I know you've told him it's for your health and your baby's health, but make sure you mention it to him again!   I'm sure he would never want to do anything to jeopardize either.  Good luck!!


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  • heather_09_15_07heather_09_15_07 member
    imageCeridwen21:

    This is your body, right? I'm not missing anything?

    If my DH ever tried to tell me what to do regarding my reproductive health he'd get more than an earful from me.

    Yes

    2 girls and a dog
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