Adoption
I'M Adopted and pregnant - should I inform my birth mother
I wasn't sure who else to ask... we have minimal contact via the adoption agency in Ireland. I wasn't sure whether I should tell her or not .. Any advice?
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Re: I'M Adopted and pregnant - should I inform my birth mother
I'm a BM but my daughter and I will likely have a very different relationship, and therefore my advice comes more from my heart than experience or anticipation...
Ask yourself these questions...
Will she be happy for me?
Will it matter for her to know to me?
Will she support me, whether it be financially, emotionally, or other?
Would she want to know?
Would you want to know?
If the answers are all yes, then maybe you should, but if they are no or you are unsure, it may be a good idea to hold off for a while.
Congratulations on your pregnancy BTW!!!
I think it totally depends on the relationship you have with her. I don't have one (nor do I have the desire) with my bio mother, so I wouldn't seek them out personally. Since you do have contact, I would probably consider it at some point, whether letting her know your pregnant or letting her know you had a baby. I guess I kind of look at it like a possible situation where you'd eventually tell a casual acquaintence or something of that nature, but it isn't critical to do so right away if that makes any sense.
(Edited)
Nevermind... clearly i've been misreading everything lately. Sorry.
I would tell her, if it's something you are comfortable doing. Perhaps (again, if you are comfortable with it) you could send her a picture or other limited information after your little one is born.
IMO, it might not be a bad idea to send some sort of letter through the agency to update her on things and let her know you're expecting. You may get a muted response, if any, but you've reached out to her and let her know.
Just my 2c.
Sure. My BFF's mum was a BM in Ireland and although she has limited contact with her birth daughter, she loves seeing updates, especially of the daughter's child. I think she'll delight in your joyful news.
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
I can somewhat relate. I'm an adult adoptee who also had a childhood very far from a fairy tale. I am very close with my BM. Not because of being adopted but because of my specific situation I consider my BM more of a mom than my AM. I personally became much closer with my BM during pregnancy and since becoming a mom. I don't really know my BF at all. He refuses to admit that I'm his though it's pretty obvious were related. After I had DS2 I sent my BF a letter. We have no relationship at all and I think he's a jerk but I still felt like I wanted him to know that he had biological grandchildren.
I would consider possible outcomes with telling your BM about being pregnant before you make a decision. I would also think about potential boundries that you may want to set depending on her reaction. How do you think BM will react? Do you think she will want more regular contact with you? Are you ok with that? What if she actually wants to be a grandmother to your child?
I wouldn't sacrifice your comfort just because you feel obligated to inform your BM of a major life event. If YOU want her to know then tell her but I wouldn't feel obligated to tell her just because she gave birth to you.