- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
MrsBeckO
member
Getting DD to sleep is literally painful. Advice? (long-ish)
MrsBeckO
member
Oh my word, the pinching!!! I have somehow become DD's lovey and the girl (lovingly) pinches me while she's falling asleep and its starting to really drive me batty. She grabs a bit of skin between 2 fingers and rolls her fingers back and forth and it effing hurts. Sometimes its not too bad and I can tolerate for the few minutes it takes her to fall asleep - tonight it was like being scratched by a pack of cats over and over and over. It was terrible and I couldn't take it, so I had to keep moving my arm away from her. That would disrupt her drifting off and she'd get upset, so we'd have to start over from square one. While it typically only takes her 10-15 minutes to go to sleep once she finishes her milk, tonight it took well over an hour because I couldn't stand just letting her pinch me til she was out. We have GOT to change this. She has a stuffed rabbit that she cuddles with, but she needs to be touching my skin to fall asleep. I don't want to just break her of it cold turkey, and I will not just let her cry or be upset that I'm not there letting her to pinch me to death. I love laying down with her before bed and want to be able to continue that, but how do I get her to stop pinching?
Tonight I tried to place my arm over her body/arms to cuddle, but she lifts her arm to lay it over mine every time. I would try to just give her my hand to hold, but she'd pinch my fingers too. The needing skin thing isn't new, she's always been that way.. but the pinching has gradually gotten worse and I've reached my breaking point with it.
What would you do to lovingly try to break this habit??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Getting DD to sleep is literally painful. Advice? (long-ish)
Oh DD is just exactly like this! It comes and goes and right now it's bad bad. And I have the bruises & marks to prove it. I think it coincides with teething? And any blocking, restraining, hand-holding just pisses her off. (DD also bites when she's tired & frustrated- rocking to sleep is not a fun time for us right now.)
Right now, I can't rock her to sleep facing me. I have to turn her facing out, which she hates at first, but will settle into it pretty quickly. I let her lay on her back with her head near my shoulder, like we're reading a book. And I try to make sure she has a doll or lovey to hold on to. She's figured out how to turn her arm and stick her hand down my shirt to grab my boob while she's falling asleep. I'd like to break of this, but right now it's getting her to sleep and it's not painful, so I'm not trying real hard. :P
Occasionally, I'll let her lay towards me, but I have to keep a large blanket between us, which neither of us like.
Interestingly, she is SO much better about the pinching & biting when DH is rocking her. He can go in and have her in the crib within 15 min, but it will take me an hour because of all the warfare. She's come & gone from it before, so I'm trying to be patient and remember that this will pass too.
GL!
Look, I know AP is about being as loving as possible to our babies, but there comes a point where it's wrong to let them hurt you because you're afraid of their reaction. I don't know if it's wise to let them get away with hurting you because you're afraid they might be upset, but that's just me. I'd say "OWIE!" and flinch away, but then again, that may also interfere with her falling asleep.
Oh dear, I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I'd ask my midwife/nurse/doctor, STAT.
If she were trying to hurt me, doing it out of anger or frustration, I would say "ouch" and teach her that it hurts. However, she is not doing this aggressively, which is why I am trying to find a way to gently change this habit. She's not really "getting away with" anything here, IMO. And it is not something so severe or urgent that it warrants a call to our pediatrician either, just a nuisance.
The O'Baby Blog
(bear w the story, it has a point). When I was little, my mom had this nightgown that I would rub between my fingers while I nursed. I'd fall asleep & my mom would slip out of the nightgown & I'd sleep w it. It became my lovey & I slept w that nightgown for an embarrassingly long time. I still like to rub certain fabrics between my fingers - it comforts me.
I know you said she needs skin to skin contact, but you try laying some silky fabric over your arm or something that she could rub between her fingers while you kept the skin contact elsewhere?
I've also seen blankets called Taggies that serve the same purpose (for LOs to rub between their fingers). FWIW, my lovey was v thin, so you could still "feel" a little of the skin underneath.
Even though she isn't trying to hurt you or being aggressive she is hurting you. I think you could do the "owie that hurts mommy" without being harsh.
LOs don't know that they are doing something that hurts you. And it's not on purpose. But that doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't teach them how to be gentle.
My DS loves to pinch me, scratch me, pull my hair, pull my glasses, bite my shoulder. I say, "Ow! That hurts mommy," and put him down. I pick him up again immediately if he wants (I am not trying to punish him, just use a method that he understands). At bedtime, I put him down in the crib and pat his back or his tummy to comfort him. I am all for cuddling with DS, but not if he is hurting me.
My DD goes through phases with this. Right now she's not doing it as much (knock on wood), but for a while I had tons of bruises and scratches. I do tell her, "Ouch, that hurts Mommy," etc. She will then say "ouch" while she does it....sigh.
I try to stay as covered up as possible when she's in a pinching phase. I have some nursing nightgowns that keep everything mostly covered, and I'll take a silky blanket and try to put it between her hands and my body when she's trying to pinch and scratch. It works a little bit, but mostly I just have to wait for it to pass. She is sleep-challenged to begin with and I am not about to induce a meltdown by plopping her on the floor when she's trying to wind down, so I endure the bruises.
This is kind of what I was feeling, too. It happens as she's drifting off to sleep so if I say "ow" or leave her to herself, it would make bedtime terribly difficult because she would be startled from her dozing and she'd get upset. She is in a flood bed in her room, so I can't just leave her there and walk away. She's not to a point now where she will stay laying down by herself, especially if she's upset because she wants to cuddle and I walk away or turn my back -- she'd follow me and want me to hold her.
I will try the silk blanket trick. Thank you for the suggestion.
The O'Baby Blog