Attachment Parenting

I seriously think I need therapy

My childhood definitely comes back to haunt me while parenting my own.  I'm really working on not yelling and other things, but I think I need to work it out.  I am short-tempered, short on patience and I don't like the way it's going.

Anyone gone through counseling/therapy to work through past "discipline" patterns (and abuse) that you don't want to repeat with your children?

Re: I seriously think I need therapy

  • I have not dealt with it but I think it is a great idea for you to speak to someone.  Just being aware is a big part of the battle, you probably have better control than you realize because you are aware.  Good luck!!!!
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  • It sounds like it could really help you gain perspective and positively change your interactions with your LO. There are some great clinics in NY that have amazing referral programs (they do an intake, figure out what you want to get from therapy and what your personality is like, then match you up with a therapist they think you would "click" with), but I am not sure if programs like that exist in other places. You might want to do some searching on line to see or ask trusted friends or your OB/Gyn or GP for a referral. Your insurance may even cover the cost.
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  • DH and I are starting next month in order to work through issues he has from his childhood and help us to figure out how to deal with his family.We'd like for DD to have a normal relationship with them but the way things are now that's never going to happen. We're looking forward to it.

    I heard somewhere recently that going to therapy is like going to a financial adviser... it's a good thing to do periodically and before there's a problem. 

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  • I haven't been in that situation, but I think just being able to recognize that in yourself and wanting to change shows that you are a good parent. As long as you are seeing a good counselor, I don't see any downsides to going through therapy. Good luck!
  • I haven't gone to therapy for those particular issues... but have been in therapy off and on since I was 13 and I will say that it has helped a lot. In high school it was parent-mandated and didn't really help much, but since I have recognized my own depression and see it for what it is (not a personality defect) it has been great. I've had to work through a lot of stuff from my past and having a non-biased, level-headed person to talk to has made all the difference. 

    Good for you for recognizing your need for help and I wish you the best! 

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  • When I was in law school, I was in therapy for a different reason.  I thought I had PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) arising from a childhood experience fleeing a war zone.  My therapist helped me figure out that I had normal post-traumatic stress, not PTSD.  She was extremely helpful in helping me gain perspective and work through my history.  It was really good to have an objective person to talk to instead of a friend or family member.

    I highly recommend going through therapy.  Like you said, you don't want your kid to go through the same things you did.

  • I've had lots of therapy and it can really help if you let it. I still have issues and I'm sure I always will but I know what they are now. I also have things creep up from childhood. I am a control freak and some days it is very hard. I want LO to sleep and she won't and things like that. At times I need to take a min and step back and re think. Also my mom never spent time with me so on days that I am really busy I feel guilty that I didn't spend time with LO and I know it comes from my own childhood. GL it will really help. It is crazy how having a child can bring stuff like that out. I know it has in me in different ways.
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  • I have similar fears, so I've been reading about gentle discipline & trying to be very conscious of how I discipline Ari. Some days are better than others.

    I would recommend seeing if you can use EAP through your work (or your DH's if you SAH, I can't remember if you work). We've been seeing one for some issues with SD & DH's ex, & it's been super helpful. Usually you get a few visits for free.  

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