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Natural Birth
Hate the negativity
I hate when people ask me "how" I plan to give birth. And when I say natural water birth, they say I will be begging for an epidural. It is none of their business and I don't need the negativity.
Telling me that it is extremely painful and I won't be able to handle it is not helping. I am aware that childbirth can be uncomfortable and things have a chance to go wrong. I am not naive and am probably much more educated in childbirth than those people who tell me that I won't be able to do it.
How do you deal with the negative comments?
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Re: Hate the negativity
I would just tell people what I planned to do and see how it went (before I had children), and then I'd shrug my shoulders. I didn't leave it open for discussion.
After I had my first (med free.), I'd say "I went without for Olivia, so I'll see how it goes for my next" then shrug my shoulders.
After Natalie (epidural), I'd say "I'm going for for med free and see how it goes - Natalie was hard but not typical" and shrug my shoulders.
Shrugging my shoulders really helped. Seriously, it's not worth getting up in arms over.
It's probably my pregnancy hormones, but I have this strong urge to tell those people off, and maybe poke them in the eyes and ask if they can now clearly see that I don't give a damn about their opinion?
Before DS was born, I told people that I was planning to go natural, and that I had studied the choices available to me should I need them.
Now I get to defend a HBAC...this should be fun. But I think now that I've had to defend (not the best word, but couldn't come up with any others) many of my choices, I've sort of gotten into the attitude of "it's none of your damn business". I tend to tell people that this is what I'm doing, you can take it or leave it, but if you leave it than you risk losing out.
Pregnancy hormones make me very grouchy.....DH is already having a hard time....
i was at a party this weekend and when i started to discuss how i wanted to give birth (also a water birth) a woman said, "OH, YOU'RE the one she was talking about!" apparently you & i must be the only women on earth worth discussing because of our birth plans. people start to back off when i pull out the facts, like how the water acts as a natural pain killer, it helps to open everything up & loosen everything, an epidural doesn't allow your body to move into the positions that help the baby move down, etc. i still get all the people telling me that i'm crazy & to just wait & give me that look that says "she's so cute, she thinks she can actually give birth without meds. awwww, poor girl doesn't know what she's in for." but then i come in contact with a few people who say, "i want to do that with my next one!" and then people around us kinda realize that it's not just me being insane.
who knows, maybe we will beg for drugs, or maybe baby has a different plan, and maybe we'll end up with a c-section. but just educating ourselves and attempting to make the best choices for our babies is something to be proud of. if people can't support that, then forget 'em.
I smiled and said "I guess we'll see." There's not much more they can say to that. And I did it - at home - so I proved them all wrong. Incidentally, I used the same technique when people told me I wouldn't last two weeks cloth diapering. Well, it's been a year. Guess they were wrong about that, too
Bottom line is that people who act like that aren't going to be convinced by words and arguments. It's not worth the elevated blood pressure, IMO.
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I try my best to keep my birth plans to myself as much as possible. Having been a big natural childbirth advocate for a long time, I've been running into this for years, and hated being dismissed because I'd never had a baby before (and wasn't even pregnant at the time). Now I only say something if someone asks me point blank which is pretty rare. If they give me flack I just say that I've done extensive research, will be doing extrensive preparations, and I guess we'll see. Like a PP said, there's not much to say after that. Then I make a mental note to NEVER discuss my birth plans with them ever again. I don't need the negativity.
I'm very lucky in that even though only one of my close girlfriends have succeeded in a natural birth (one tried very hard but had to be induced early with pre-e and needed the epi, the other's never even considered NB) they have only said things like, "you're stronger then I am" or "I wish I'd been able to do that!" but never anything negative or doubful! I'm very thankful of that! They also know me and know that I only make decisions after careful consideration and EXHAUSTIVE research!
Good luck! And try as hard as you can to let the negativity roll right through you!
The only person who told me I would definitely need and epidural b/c I couldn't possibly imagine how much pain it would be was a man. I simply said, "Neither can you. When's the last time you had menstraul cramps?"
Most of my close friends who have had babies and received an epidural actually regretted that decision b/c it led to other complications that ultimately required c/s for them. So they are very supportive of my decision. The one close friend who received an epidural and had a positive result did so after 36 hours of back labor and no progression, so she knows her situation was out of the usual and is very excited I'm doing natural.
I have several very supportive friends, and several others who fall into the category of, "Then I make a mental note to NEVER discuss my birth plans with them ever again."
The one I'm concerned about is my mom... different than the random people who provide unsolicited opinions. She must be talking about it at work, because she told me 'so and so at work knows someone who gave birth at home in Montana... they didn't tell anyone what they were doing until after it was over.' Maybe she's asking her friends about it? Somehow, Montana justified the choice for her, like 'well of course in Montana, where they barely have roads and stuff, this might make sense...'
Back to your original question about how I deal,... humor helps.
I COMPLETELY agree that those of us who have researched and are preparing for a natural birth know more than 95% of the women who say we will be begging for an epi. When I find myself in one of these situations, I just nod and smile. If/when I have the natural birth DH and I are prepping for, I can then tell them my story. However, there have been some teachable moments where I've been able to share my learnings and philosophies (despite my inclination to want to preach to everyone!!)
ROFLMAO! Maybe my new thing should be, "I want to birth the way they do it in Montana" and let people figure out what that means.....I needed a good laugh, thanks!
This. After spending time on these boards I've taken to saying as little as possible about anything pregnancy related to people if I can avoid it. If anyone asks I tell them that every pregnancy/birth is different and that topic X is between me and my health care provider and husband. So far it seems to work with a variety of questions that are no one's business (what are you naming the baby, what are your birth plans, where is baby sleeping, are you breastfeeding, etc.).
Oh girl get ready for negative unnecessary comments from family, friends, and strangers. I hate that that question is now part of what people ask you when talking about babies. I always stated that I would try natural, but that I keep an open mind. I've had people roll their eyes at me, say that I can't do it, tell how wonderful the epidural is, how I'm going to get drugs, etc... For me I use it as fuel. I have SO many people to prove wrong. People say, "I don't know why women would go without drugs for delivery" and it's like that comments isn't even necessary! I don't know why you'd put yourself and your baby at risk with drugs that you don't know the long term effects of that inhibit natural hormones to you and your baby AND that could lead to a ceasarean. Women have been doing it the natural way for 1000s of years and they were just fine.
Just use it as motivation to become more educated about everything and to focus on what you're really doing.