Ideas to Cheer Up DH (NTTC)

FmrAFBrat · September 2010

DHs dad was killed last year in a car accident. We learned this summer that the now 20 year old who hit him head on will not be prosecuted (he was going over 80 MPH on a two lane country road and tested positive for drugs) due to where the accident occured (very backwoods community) and the fact that the kid comes from a very affluent family in that community. Needless to say we have put a lot of time, money, & effort in getting something done & nothing has worked. We have also became primary caregivers for DH 95 yo grandmother (who is heartbroken).

Since the accident DH always has to keep busy. To the point we go out a lot....bc he can't stand to be at the house (he doesn't want to think about it bc he feels he failed his dad). I'd love to find something to do that would cheer him up so that we could take it easy this fall. I'm also not sure who we could talk to that might be able to give him some closure in this situation.

Sorry this is long...any ideas you have would be great. Thanks!

reinstone · September 2010

I'm so sorry about your/DH's loss

I'd suggest asking your local Nest board about what to do in your area. HTH

AngelinaOMelia · September 2010

So sorry to hear about you and your DH's loss. That sounds aweful. My DH lost his father unexpectantly too.

Hmm, things to do. Maybe just showing him lots of love and support would be enough. I know when my DH is upset I can tell he appreciates my sensitivity to the situation and the way he is feeling. Sometimes it's just enough to hold him and give him lots of hugs and kisses.

Again sorry for your DH's loss.

pinkmickey24 · September 2010

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband's father. I am not sure what to suggest in terms of cheering him up, but I thought that maybe he could talk to a therapist. Just remind him of how much you love him and to think about the good times he had with his father. Maybe talking about the good times will remind him of how happy he and his father were prior to the accident.

KdgTeacher · September 2010

I was also going to suggest having him go and talk to a therapist to help sort through everything.

FmrAFBrat · September 2010

AngelinaOMelia:

So sorry to hear about you and your DH's loss. That sounds aweful. My DH lost his father unexpectantly too.

Hmm, things to do. Maybe just showing him lots of love and support would be enough. I know when my DH is upset I can tell he appreciates my sensitivity to the situation and the way he is feeling. Sometimes it's just enough to hold him and give him lots of hugs and kisses.

Again sorry for your DH's loss.

Thanks... Smile . DH knows I am there for him (& I'm there for him in that way).

megd06 · September 2010

KdgTeacher:
I was also going to suggest having him go and talk to a therapist to help sort through everything.

this. It really sounds like he needs someone (who's not involved in the situation) to talk to and to get some closure.

blackbird01 · September 2010

What an awful situation. I agree with PPs who suggest that your DH talk to a therapist--the poor guy can't keep himself busy every second forever.

I know the two of you are taking care of his grandmother, but is there any chance you and your DH could get away for a weekend (or even just a night)? Maybe a B&B somewhere not too far away?

lynn97 · September 2010

I can't speak definitively for your DH, but my mom was in a terrible accident when I was 10. She was permanently disabled and is very different from the mom that I remember from my childhood. Like your DH's dad's accident, she was hit by a 19-y/o who was exceeding the speed limit; he ran a stop sign going 60-70 mph and hit her car broadside. We were old there was little recourse for her situation as well.

Obviously, I was just a kid when this happened, but the void of not having "her" (the mom I used to have) is still there in my life and it's still tough sometimes. I'd say it will be the same way for your husband. I think counseling would be good. Also, I think a weekend away could be good at some point. But honestly, just telling him how much you love him and listening to him when he's hurting will be the best things you can do for him. Time will help him to heal but it will take a while. And big life changes (like TTC) are hard for me b/c those are the times when you really want that parent to be there to experience them with you and you want your kids to know their grandparents. The harsh reality that this can't happen is really hard sometimes. Also, the anniversary of her accident is especially hard some years.

I hope this helps you gain some insight. I really hope he can find some peace soon.

FmrAFBrat · September 2010

lynn97:

I can't speak definitively for your DH, but my mom was in a terrible accident when I was 10. She was permanently disabled and is very different from the mom that I remember from my childhood. Like your DH's dad's accident, she was hit by a 19-y/o who was exceeding the speed limit; he ran a stop sign going 60-70 mph and hit her car broadside. We were old there was little recourse for her situation as well.

Obviously, I was just a kid when this happened, but the void of not having "her" (the mom I used to have) is still there in my life and it's still tough sometimes. I'd say it will be the same way for your husband. I think counseling would be good. Also, I think a weekend away could be good at some point. But honestly, just telling him how much you love him and listening to him when he's hurting will be the best things you can do for him. Time will help him to heal but it will take a while. And big life changes (like TTC) are hard for me b/c those are the times when you really want that parent to be there to experience them with you and you want your kids to know their grandparents. The harsh reality that this can't happen is really hard sometimes. Also, the anniversary of her accident is especially hard some years.

I hope this helps you gain some insight. I really hope he can find some peace soon.

This. I think you hit the nail on the head. He has a good group of friends & I am hoping they will help him through it. I think the TTC thing killed him while we were at the country club-there was a little boy golfing with grandpa (his dad was a golf pro) & hit him that his dad will never meet his grandkids. We got out of town last month for our anniversary-however, I got pretty ill half way through our weekend trip to Cincy.

Want a personalized experience?

Ideas to Cheer Up DH (NTTC)

Re: Ideas to Cheer Up DH (NTTC)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards