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nbr: save me... SIL vent

saturdaynightdoubletreesaturdaynightdoubletree member
in 3rd Trimester

Can't seem to do anything right. I get told off... so I back off and don't talk. Now I'm "distant". It's a never ending cycle of drama, being told off, being super fake nice, and then some other drama comes up again. It's family, but I just don't understand DH's sister. My brother and sister and I fight, sure, every family does - It's more like stupid bickering, we get over it, life goes on, we're all best friends in 10 minutes. SIL just throws out all this hate, and doesn't understand why when she decides to come around, I'm not jumping out of my seat to be her BFF.

She starts sh!t with DH, and I want to call her up and yell at her, but I know it's better to say nothing.

Do I give in, kill with kindness? Leave things be, let her hate us for her own caused drama? DH has instructed me to just not talk to her... but that seems to be making things worse. I hate games!!! I suck when it comes to figuring out how to please EVERYONE... she's impossible. I just wish it could be easy... there's no reason for family to fight! I feel like I'm in high school again... but this isn't some random person I can just walk away from, or a friend I can just un-friend... family is family, forever.

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Re: nbr: save me... SIL vent

  • uluvfrankeuluvfranke member
    It does suck.But I make sure when it comes to family if there is an issue between H and my side of the family I will handle it, if its with me and his side of the family he will handle it. This way it helps not cause hard feelings.
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  • volcrazymamavolcrazymama member
    Your SIL sounds a lot like my MIL.  I feel your pain.  If you find a solution, please share it with me!  No matter how hard I try to be friendly to my MIL, she is convinced I'm a horrible person.  Despite the fact that I have hosted Thanksgiving for 20+ of her relatives, hosted numerous other holidays and birthdays, and extended an open invitation for her to come over anytime to see DD (just call first!), she told my DH that she has never felt welcome in my home or comfortable around me.  I sure wish I had known this before I let her stay in the delivery room when I delivered DD!
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  • OliveBabyOliveBaby member
    You and I must have the same SIL. I pretty much just leave her be, am fake nice to her when we have to see her, and ignore the drama. I know it's hard, but it's just not worth getting caught up in it. 
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  • qme09qme09 member
    Sounds just like my fiance's mom. I try really hard to only interact when its necessary, and be as pleasant as possible. But it is hard! I'm not used to parent figures starting sh!t like high schoolers. Its insane to me. Its just the same-old, same-old for my fiance! It makes me very thankful that all of the adults on my side of the family behave like adults :)
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  • saturdaynightdoubletreesaturdaynightdoubletree member

    I guess I'm just sad... I don't want to have to explain to DD why she has a cousin, aunt, and uncle she never sees or hears from. And I don't want her kid to miss out on having 2 cousins, me, and DH in their lives.

    Aren't we old enough now where we've learned to compromise and do the best we can?! 

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  • erind0213erind0213 member

    My MIL is this way. At times I think the umbilical cord is still attached to DH. Everyday at dinner he get a call asking about his day, what days he is off, what schedule he is on etc... Yet everyday she forgets. If we are busy and I tell DH we can't make it somewhere, im the bad guy, as opposed to them being so last minute.

     

    I try and keep my cool, but am very curious as to how things will be once baby gets here. Until then, i'd say kill her will kindness, that is what I do, and tolerate them, i think she is trying to get the best of you.

    I typically then go and vent to my mom about how crazy and obsessive his family is! 

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