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Attachment Parenting
nekorayne
member
>
Vent: MIL and SIL hurt my feelings (I feel pathetic...LONG)
nekorayne
member
I feel so pathetic for having my feelings hurt. My MIL watches my nephews everyday. They leave both the boys my at her house constantly and I know that is a big part of why this is happening. I'm cool with that.
I on the other hand am a SAHM. I go out of my way to send her pics of LO and bring him over all the time to visit. She has only visited us once but we go see her all the time. She always asks about LO, I know she loves him and us with all her heart. We only live 20 - 30 minutes away, she says she will stop by and ends up calling and saying she can't because BIL and wife will be late to pick up my nephews. We try to bring him by and let her watch him on date nights and just stop by to visit on days off.
My DH and I actually moved in with DH's grandma for a few months to help MIL out with taking care of her when she was sick. I was pregnant and it was a bit hard on me but I wanted to do the right thing and help. We ended up moving out when she got better. MIL often would ask me to help with extra stuff so she could go and do baby stuff with BIL's wife. They have a 4 year old and we were pregnant together...her DS is 2 months older then mine. Of course it hurt but what can you do.
She often confided in me that she felt more like a babysitter then a grandma for BIL's kids. I would never want that for her and my DS. I love letting her occasionally watch DS and be grandma! My MIL and I get along and have a great time talking. I really love her and I'm lucky for the most part.
My BIL and his family and MIL have parties. I know they don't invite us since we don't necessarily want LO around people getting CRAZY drunk. But I always read on FB or hear stories of other things. Things that don't involve getting crazy drunk in frount of my LO (and my nephews).
SIL and MIL are going to my other SIL's next weekend for my nieces birthday. It's 6 hours away and I would love to get invited occasionally. It would be fun to get with the whole family. I love my nieces. Most of all I hate that my LO will be the only cousin left out...not bad now but when he is older...
Stuff like this happens all the time. I even mention that my DH and I would love for DS to be apart of everything.
I don't want LO growing up and hearing about all of it and knowing he is the only cousin left out. I was hoping we could be close to family... I feel like such a baby for being hurt!!!
>This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: MIL and SIL hurt my feelings (I feel pathetic...LONG)
Are the SILs your MIL's daughters? or more DILs? I think this makes a difference.
I understand that you want your son to be involved with family activities, but I can also understand a mother and daughter wanting to hang out or take trips together.
I'm sure they like you and enjoy your company, but I can understand why a trip with Mum and her two daughters is a special thing too.
If you've let it be known that you would like to be involved in things and they still don't invite you then, you might just have to accept things as they are.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
No she is my MIL's DIL. In other words BIL's wife. I 100% agree that it is diffrent for mother and daughter!
They never mention it. I think it is possible in the case of my nieces birthday. Maybe they just assumed I knew. The other things not so much...but maybe this time! ::sigh:: I really feel like a part of it may be that DH and I don't like drunken crazy antics around DS. My nephews are around when things get crazy, like SUPER crazy. I don't want to go to that stuff and maybe they don't invite me to the calmer stuff because of that. We get invited to holidays of course , but not the fun family stuff on the side. Who knows...
I can see why you're hurt. Maybe they don't invite you because they don't want you to feel obligated since 6 hours is a pretty long trip with a child your LO's age. Or maybe they're just totally clueless. Talk to your DH about it. An invitation, whether you are able to accept it or not, is always nice.
So I can total see why you'd feel sad and hurt being left out from a family thing like that. Could you just say something to your MIL like "Hey, when are you going to the niece's party? Id like to go but don't think I can make that drive alone with DS. Could I ride with you?" She may not even realize you'd be interested in going and might feel bad when she realizes she was neglecting asking you.
I am definitely the cousin in my family that is often left out of things, and at best, informed at the last minute, like as people are on their way to a place, or even actually there to meet up. it definitely sucks.
I dont think it was always the case, like when I was a child, but I know my mom used to be one of the planners and now she either isn't or doesnt bother to invite me. I kinda get the impression that everyone assumes she will let me know, but my mom and I don't really have that kind of relationship, and she is sometimes insane and super forgetful as well. I do talk to my mom quite a bit, but I dunno, I still will not just come a long to someone else's home, especially if it is in another town without being invited. My husband and I don't drink at all and we also don't eat meat, which may leave us out of things, but i rarely refuse to do anything that I am invited to, even if the accommodations for veggies or non drinkers suck.
I actually have spent more time with my inlaws than my own extended family even though we don't necessarily get a long or have much in common.
I get my feelings hurt sometimes but then i just focus on the family I am creating and I am grateful and excited to be able to do things our own way.