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Family gathering are always copius with the "spoiling" comments

Tiger1984Tiger1984
in Attachment Parenting

Went to a bday party for my nephews today and of course everyone is so happy to see LO, but OMG the "spoiling" comments were in full force, as one person would get another going. As I am sure many of you can relate to, it drives me NUTS! I love my family, but my God, they can really irritate me! A few of the highlights were people saying how I wouldn't be able to hold LO all the time if I had more than one kid, and then likewise people saying how the 1st one is always spoiled. Then, as I was defending my parenting and saying that I believe babies are meant to be held, and that you cannot spoil a baby, especially by giving it too much affection, my  85 year old grandmother muttered "yesssss.... you.... can..." under her breath while sitting right next to me! Of course I was  bombarded with the let him cry comments and everything else too.

Why can't people realize that there is no one right way for anyone to parent their child? And why do people think they are parenting experts?  I am trying to let it go, but obviously everyone got to me...

 
Thanks for listening ladies!

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Re: Family gathering are always copius with the "spoiling" comments

  • the_jackpotthe_jackpot member
    Ugh, why do people feel the need to tell you this stuff. If I am complaining then feel free but otherwise I am content and don't need your help. Just stinks that people can be so opinionated. 
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  • OctGirl80OctGirl80 member
    You've got more patience than me. I would have gone home.
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  • mags507mags507 member

    "I want to hold my baby while I can.  I want lots of snuggles and kisses and I want to take in that sweet baby smell while I can.  As soon as my baby starts crawling and walking,  I won't be able to do this as much and I would never forgive myself if I missed this chance.  Even if I did believe that you could spoil a baby (which I don't), I would still raise my baby this way.  This time of life is too short.  My baby, my choice."

    And then walk away if you can Stick out tongue

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  • KatieGraceBKatieGraceB
    Exactly why I avoid DH's family gatherings. They're the worst and aren't even subtle about insulting my parenting choices.
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  • anabell0920anabell0920 member
    I have only gotten "jokingly" spoiled comments but that's after the fact that they tell me what a good baby he is! So I laugh it off. If he's spoiled I'm the one that will have to deal with it right?So why do they care?
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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    My MIL always makes the, "wait until you have another you won't be able to x, y and z" comments.

    I have never understood the, "well if you can't do x later on then you shouldn't do it now."

    That's like saying, "we won't be able to afford a holiday when we have 5 children, so we won't take one now."

    You do what you can, when you can, with what you have.

    I dare you to look the old ones in the eye and say, 'well you'll probably be dead for the next one, so in the interests of fairness, you better not hold this one." 

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  • brideofaussiebrideofaussie

    Don't defend your parenting.  There is no need and defending yourself actually encourages them to criticize you more.

    If I were you I'd snap back with some pretty sharp, pointed comments to let them know you don't appreicate the criticizing.  A comment that is good in pretty much any situation is "You got to parent your kids the way you wanted to so why don't you let me parent mine?"  or "I'll tell you what, when I need parenting advice, you'll be the first person I ask.  Until then back off, okay?"

    FWIW I think this has been happening since the dawn of time.  A former co-worker whose son is now an adult told me that after she gave birth, her mother told her she was kissing her son too much!  Can you imagine?

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  • Tiger1984Tiger1984
    imagemags507:

    "I want to hold my baby while I can.  I want lots of snuggles and kisses and I want to take in that sweet baby smell while I can.  As soon as my baby starts crawling and walking,  I won't be able to do this as much and I would never forgive myself if I missed this chance.  Even if I did believe that you could spoil a baby (which I don't), I would still raise my baby this way.  This time of life is too short.  My baby, my choice."

    And then walk away if you can Stick out tongue

    Oh yea,... I reminded them that they all tell me to "cherish every moment" and "enjoy it while I can bc they grow so fast." So, I pointed out that I am doing exactly that- as they have all advised. And I said before I know it he's not going to want me to hold him, I am going to do it as much as I can now. That actually did shut them up for a bit!

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  • Tiger1984Tiger1984
    imagebrideofaussie:

    Don't defend your parenting.  There is no need and defending yourself actually encourages them to criticize you more.

    If I were you I'd snap back with some pretty sharp, pointed comments to let them know you don't appreicate the criticizing.  A comment that is good in pretty much any situation is "You got to parent your kids the way you wanted to so why don't you let me parent mine?"  or "I'll tell you what, when I need parenting advice, you'll be the first person I ask.  Until then back off, okay?"

    FWIW I think this has been happening since the dawn of time.  A former co-worker whose son is now an adult told me that after she gave birth, her mother told her she was kissing her son too much!  Can you imagine?

    Thanks- good advice!

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  • Tiger1984Tiger1984
    imageKateLouise:

    My MIL always makes the, "wait until you have another you won't be able to x, y and z" comments.

    I have never understood the, "well if you can't do x later on then you shouldn't do it now."

    That's like saying, "we won't be able to afford a holiday when we have 5 children, so we won't take one now."

    You do what you can, when you can, with what you have.

    I dare you to look the old ones in the eye and say, 'well you'll probably be dead for the next one, so in the interests of fairness, you better not hold this one." 

    hahaahaa.... oh my, how awful, but hilarious! 

    Yea, it kind of hurts my brain a little trying to understand that point of view, like I shouldn't hold my baby because apparently if I had 3 kids I wouldn't be able to? There is no logic whatsoever in this!

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  • Tiger1984Tiger1984
    imageKateLouise:

    My MIL always makes the, "wait until you have another you won't be able to x, y and z" comments.

    I have never understood the, "well if you can't do x later on then you shouldn't do it now."

    That's like saying, "we won't be able to afford a holiday when we have 5 children, so we won't take one now."

    You do what you can, when you can, with what you have.

    I dare you to look the old ones in the eye and say, 'well you'll probably be dead for the next one, so in the interests of fairness, you better not hold this one." 

    hahaahaa.... oh my, how awful, but hilarious! 

    Yea, it kind of hurts my brain a little trying to understand that point of view, like I shouldn't hold my baby because apparently if I had 3 kids I wouldn't be able to? There is no logic whatsoever in this!

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  • EcoBabyEcoBaby
    I agree about not defending yourself. Just say, "I'm sorry you think I'm being a bad parent." Hopefully that would shut them up.
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  • mrsfireflymrsfirefly
    Ugh...I've repeatedly been told by my in-laws that LO will have breathing problems if I don't let her cry.
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  • SMA!SMA! member
     My family usually makes comments re: BF past three months.  I normally say something like "BF has always been easy for us, LO eats well, is hitting all her milestones and we haven't had to spend any money on formula.  I feel really lucky."  That usually shuts them up. 
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  • jescgrljescgrl member

    I just wanted to say that I have more than one, and they both get equal holding time. My 3 year old gets it whenever he wants it-mainly at bedtime. That idea saddened me. While we had to change our ways a bit to fit in #2 into the daily hustle and bustle, there isnt a difference between how Patrick is treated compared to Gavin.

    I understand I get these comments A LOT! I was very interested though when I found a few other closet-APers on my husbands side! I was so excited! My side comes from a very old school, "bottles not breast' "cribs only" "crying it out" learning. Some get where I'm coming from but mostly they don't. I don't speak of my parenting choices to them often. 

     

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  • Tiger1984Tiger1984
    imagejescgrl:

    I just wanted to say that I have more than one, and they both get equal holding time. My 3 year old gets it whenever he wants it-mainly at bedtime. That idea saddened me. While we had to change our ways a bit to fit in #2 into the daily hustle and bustle, there isnt a difference between how Patrick is treated compared to Gavin.

    I understand I get these comments A LOT! I was very interested though when I found a few other closet-APers on my husbands side! I was so excited! My side comes from a very old school, "bottles not breast' "cribs only" "crying it out" learning. Some get where I'm coming from but mostly they don't. I don't speak of my parenting choices to them often. 

     

    That is so nice to hear! My SO and I were just discussing how we would treat our next baby the same way! I have watched all 3 of my sisters kids, while taking care of LO at the same time and managed to continue holding him and play with my niece and nephews! If I can do things with one hand now, why wouldn't I be able to do that with more than one child?

    I really don't get what people are afraid is going to happen... that the child will be too loved? Too affectionate? Trust in his parents too much? Pretty scary stuff, huh!?

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  • brideofaussiebrideofaussie

    imageEcoBaby:
    I agree about not defending yourself. Just say, "I'm sorry you think I'm being a bad parent." Hopefully that would shut them up.

    OH!  That is a good one!  Short and sweet! 

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