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Attachment Parenting
SeaMama
member
The downside of AP/Nighttime parenting
SeaMama
member
My LO is almost 11 months and is still waking 3-6 times a night. I'm exhausted, hubby is exhausted. DS starts the night in his crib in our room (goes down at 7pm) and wakes up like clockwork at 10 to nurse. Then at 11:30 or 12 when we come to bed he wants to come into bed iwth us....and nurse. Then the rest of the night I swear he's up every hour or 2 until 7am. I've gone through so many stages during this 11 months - all related to not sleeping (me). I'm so tired, but I hold out hope that he will start sleeping on his own without "training". Now I'm dreading weaning him - I'm going to wean at a year - mostly due to the sleep deprivation, honestly. I think he will continue to nurse all night long as long as he is breastfed. I hate that there is no one to talk to. To say "I know it's horribly difficult at times, but you're doing the right hting!". Instead I suffer alone because everyone around me tells me it's my own fault for not forcing LO to cry it out. I am a SAHM, so although DH is supportive of AP he is also really tired, and somehow feels it's harder on him because he "has to go to work".... (like I don't work?).
I didn't know making these choices would isolate me as much as it has. I'm so tired and so sick of hearing that it's all my fault. Sigh. That's all - I guess this is a bit of a vent.
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Re: The downside of AP/Nighttime parenting
I also did not feel comfortable with CIO - but I did strike a middle line with getting him at the first moment he cries and letting him scream bloody murder. For us, "squaking" and "talking" were okay, but when he crossed the line in to screaming, we went to get him always. Is there some middle ground here for you?
As for the nursing in the middle of the night, does he take a bottle at all? Can you transition to bottle feeding in the living room - or nursing in the living room to cut out the sleeping in your bed piece?
What is right for LO is what you decide - it's not what anyone else tells you nor what you read! So, if this isn't working anymore, maybe it's time to try some new things...
Have you tried moving the crib to a separate room and starting DS out in there? Maybe he's waking so frequently because he senses that you're right there. My DS tends to nurse more frequently if we bed share for the entire night. When he starts out in his crib, he usually sleeps for 6-8 hours before waking.
Don't let other peoples' judgmental comments get to you. You are doing what you feel is best for your baby and there's nothing wrong with that.
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
Unfortunately we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment for the first 6 months of his life, and for the past 5 months we've been staying with my in-laws, so again - no bedroom for DS. It's a nightmare because he was ready (and so were we) to move into his own room 2 or 3 months ago, but there is no room to go to! Thankfully we are moving into our house in 2 weeks. I think the closeness of that date makes this all that much harder!!! I vaccilate back and forth but I'd love the option of putting his crib in another room to see how that goes. Part of the problem is being "guests" in this house and DH doesn't want to let LO fuss/cry at ALL for fear of upsetting/waking up his parents or something. I don't know - they don't talk about ANYTHING in this house whereas my family are total overtalkers. Can you tell I'm going CRAZY!? haha.
I am hoping to wean and transition him into his bedroom gradually over the next month and a half or so. Hopefully he starts sleeping more.....
Thanks ladies, I just needed some support, I guess. I'm tired of the criticism and I am sick of defending myself and then some of it is just situational but I can't say "hey, you could have cleaned out some space in your office for the baby to sleep in if you were so concerned about it!" haha.
Have you tried putting him back in his crib after the 11:30-12:00 session?
I have found that if in bed with me my daughter will eat every hour or so, but if she falls asleep and I put her back in her crib she will sleep much longer.
She is now in her own room, but this worked even when she was in the bassinet in my room.
I sometimes have a hard time stay awake long enough to put her back, but when I manage it we both seem to sleep better.
You don't have to do CIO to get some sleep, and I don't think you have to completely wean either.
My advice is to move his crib to another room. It will be hard at first, but he will adjust. We moved DD at 5 months, and it took about a week for her to adjust. Once you move him, have your DH go in and put him back to sleep for one of his wakings. If he doesn't see you, he might learn that there are ways to fall back asleep other than nursing. If you do that for a few nights, eventually he will stop waking up at that time (or at least, that worked for us).
This is also the beginning of night weaning, which you can do without having to completely wean. I started night weaning at 1 year, and now DD will sometimes get up around 11 or 12, but DH puts her back to sleep. She then sleeps until 4 or 5 am and then I feed her. Sometimes she doesn't need that feeding, so we are almost completely night weaned.
If he doesn't go back to sleep for your DH, or if he keeps waking up a few minutes later, then you feed him. But, the idea is to stretch out the time he goes between feedings more and more each night.
Another way people have night weaned is by feeding a little less each time until eventually you are not feeding at all. For me, that was hard b/c DD would cry to nurse as long as I went in to her room. So, having DH go in was key for us.
Have you read NCSS? It has some good tips that are specific to unique situations.
GL!