Hospital visitors

Tsurrel · September 2010

So I was talking to DH about people coming to the hospital and I explained to him I don't want anyone to come see us at the hospital except our parents. My mom will be there for the delivery. So I have to make it okay to invite his parents. Everyone else can wait until we are home. Well.. DH is insisting on allowing his brother and sister to come too. He doesn't even get along with them. His reasoning is that he came to visit his nephews when they were still in the hospital so he has to let his brother and sister come visit their nephew. What do you guys think? If I say okay to his family then it will just open the flood gate to my ENTIRE family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.) I want to be able to recover and bond with LO not deal with visitors and have everyone holding Avery but me. Plus, I don't want to have to try to learn to BF with visitors coming in and out.. I'm not even comfortable enough with DH's family to ask them to leave so we can feed LO. Idk what to do!

OctoberBabyH · September 2010

I say do what YOU want. This is your time with your baby and you are the parent. Everyone else should respect your wishes and rights as his parent. They will have plenty of time to see him when you get out of the hospital for sure. Just bc they had more visitors doesn't mean you have to or want to. Put your foot down now. If you happen to change your mind while in the hospital, good for the siblings. If not, oh well. It's not like you will be there forever and if you would like that time to bond and learn to BF, then so be it. That is very important!

tmac1022 · September 2010

ok so alot of people on here are prob going to tell you "your delivery your rules" but easier said than done!

I'm having similar issues as well.

Try explaining to him that your family will be insulted and hurt if they know you allowed his family but not them and you want to be able to learn to bf without interruptions and visitors since it can be difficult to get the hang of. *keep stressing tha breast feeding is difficult* he might feel more inclined to listen to you if you stressing that to him (that's my plan)

Also you both can tell your families the hospital has a strict visitor policy in effect when you will be delivering bc it will be flu season (once you have him on your side!)

Gabe&Dana · September 2010

I had quite a few visitors with DD and it made it very hard to nap! By the time I got home, I was so exhausted from being up from delivery, up every two hours with DD and then hardly any down time during the day.

The only saving grace about visitors in the hospital is that they tend not to stay as long. It seemed like visitors camped out at our house when they decided to come over. It was awful. I felt like I only saw DD when she needed to eat ... I seriously sat and cried in my room. Hormones and inlaws do not mix!

Tsurrel · September 2010

he's fighting me tooth and nail over this! I just want to scream! He is worried about what his family will think and say about me if i ask them to wait until we come home! He just doesn't understand that I need time to bond with Avery and learn to BF

dasaher · September 2010

I would definitely try to stress the BF part! Also, you might ask him to try to view it from your point of view - you will have been doing an incredible amount of physical activity throughout labor, you'll probably be sweaty, and won't have a chance to take a shower or whatever before the onslaught of people. Explain that you want that time for you and he and Avery to bond as a family, as well as to take some time to rest from this marathon event! Make sure he knows that it's not that you have anything against any single person in his family, just that you want to have a bit of a breather to collect yourself before you start seeing a bunch of people that want to come and see the new addition. Maybe if you explain how you're feeling, especially since you don't want to invite more people in his family than you are willing to have of yours, maybe he'll take a step back and have a little more understanding...

OctoberBabyH · September 2010

Tsurrel:
he's fighting me tooth and nail over this! I just want to scream! He is worried about what his family will think and say about me if i ask them to wait until we come home! He just doesn't understand that I need time to bond with Avery and learn to BF

Explain to him that he has to live with you and Avery, his immediate family, everyday. He needs to get over what the rest of them will think, bc ultimately, it is the three of you that matter and what you and DH think, not his extended family.

OctGirl80 · September 2010

You may want to point out that you have no idea how long delivery will take or if every thing will go smoothly (of course, I hope it does for you). Does he want them in the waiting room for 18 hours? My friend just had her DS 2 weeks ago and while the baby went home the next day (perfectly fine), she had to stay for 4 days due to complications from her c-section. Tell him that you can call them once you are home and settled and arrange a time for them to visit. Let's face it, after giving birth and learning to BF, I don't think me or LO will feel like having visitors. DH already said only our parents at the hospital. Everyone else can visit us at home later.

grnshdw · September 2010

Sorry I responded to your other post very differently not knowing what you are after. I would tell your husband that you are feeling "overwhelmed a little bit about all the changes that are about to happen, and that you would like to adjust privately. You'd love to have them come over to the house after you get more comfortable." What I found is most people didn't hang out- they came by for 15 minutes or so and then they left. None of them wanted to hold the baby- and the baby either cries or sleeps in this phase. If you are feeding or you need to feed, ask for a few minutes and if they aren't willing to wait then they can come back later. From my memory- the feedings at this stage are pretty quick. Yes it is a huge change, yes you will have a lot of bonding and learning to do BUT many women have done this before us and YOU can do it too!

grnshdw · September 2010

You can also be a little "manipulative" - don't call everyone when you go into labor, wait until you are done and showered. Your husband can own letting them know you are "ready"(showered and all)- but I agree with a previous poster that said people stay a lot longer at your house then they do at the hospital. I would have much rather had visitors at the hospital than my house.

naponte · September 2010

I completely understand, this is my first baby and I know how important it is for a mother to bond with her newborn especially in those first few days so when I think about tons of family members coming to visit in the hospital, all wanting to hold the baby and pass her around I start to feel anxiety! lol I just want to be able to bond with her and like you said, learn to BF and get some rest before we go back home and the real fun starts. I've already talked to my fiance about this and he agrees, he doesn't want it to turn into a zoo either and he knows that it's very important to me. Just explain to your H that you understand how he feels (even if you don't lol) and just try to explain to him how important it is to you and how it makes you feel. Both your families will have the rest of that baby's life to visit and play with her so they should really respect your wishes, even if they might not agree with them.

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