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Attachment Parenting
XP: To use a pacifier or not...
I'm kind of a lurker around here, but Im looking for opinions.
I didn't have any intention of using a pacifier with my daughter. It seems unnecessary and like a habit that is more trouble than it's worth. Shes an amazingly good baby, rarely cries or is fussy and sleeps all the time. However, sometimes she comfort sucks a lot and then spits up because she drank too much milk. It doesnt bother her, shes gaining like a champ and the pediatrician said not to worry. However, all my inlaws seem to think it's crazy that I haven't gotten her a pacifier. My husband was just talking to his grandma on the phone and she couldn't understand why we haven't gotten her one. Part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't worry and just get one, but part of me really hates the idea. I don't want it to be a habit we have to break later. My friend's daughter is 3 and in all of her pictures has a big old pacifier in her mouth. I also was reading in a breastfeeding book that the act of sucking makes babies think they are full, even if they aren't eating. So potentially a pacifier would mess up her hunger cues.Am I just over reacting? I guess I just feel judged by in laws and I don't like it. My husband doesn't see the big deal about getting one, but he's also leaving it up to me. What are you ladies doing and was it a big decision for you?
I didn't have any intention of using a pacifier with my daughter. It seems unnecessary and like a habit that is more trouble than it's worth. Shes an amazingly good baby, rarely cries or is fussy and sleeps all the time. However, sometimes she comfort sucks a lot and then spits up because she drank too much milk. It doesnt bother her, shes gaining like a champ and the pediatrician said not to worry. However, all my inlaws seem to think it's crazy that I haven't gotten her a pacifier. My husband was just talking to his grandma on the phone and she couldn't understand why we haven't gotten her one. Part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't worry and just get one, but part of me really hates the idea. I don't want it to be a habit we have to break later. My friend's daughter is 3 and in all of her pictures has a big old pacifier in her mouth. I also was reading in a breastfeeding book that the act of sucking makes babies think they are full, even if they aren't eating. So potentially a pacifier would mess up her hunger cues.Am I just over reacting? I guess I just feel judged by in laws and I don't like it. My husband doesn't see the big deal about getting one, but he's also leaving it up to me. What are you ladies doing and was it a big decision for you?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: XP: To use a pacifier or not...
My DD would never take a paci. Comfort sucked until she found her thumb (and then ended up breaking herself of the thumb, but that's another story). I really pushed the paci because she would suck for hours (literally 10 hours straight one day) and I was going out of my mind, but she wouldn't go for it. Occasionally she'd suck on someone's finger.
I kind of pushed the paci on DS because I knew that as a second child, he'd need a little soothing from time to time when I had to do stuff with DD and I wouldn't have the countless hours to nurse. He took to it well from the time he was about 2 days old. He mostly uses it to fall asleep for naps and night (he doesn't usually need it after nightwakings) and in the car.
I am definitely not cool with all the time pacifier use for a toddler, but I'm cool with it for sleeping for a while.
I really don't think it's that big of a deal.
We had wanted to avoid a pacifier with DD, but we weren't 'against' it by any means. After six days of one of us literally having to stick our finger in her mouth for her to suck on for hours (otherwise she would overfeed herself and vomit EVERYWHERE), then that thing was like a tiny slice of heaven. It caused no problems with nursing...she was EBF'd till six months (and we still nurse) and she has always been above the 90% for weight and off the charts for height.
We stopped using the paci in public when she was six months (other than our long vacation at 7 months when we thought she might need more 'comfort'), then stopped using it everywhere except her crib at 8 months. She now only uses it for falling asleep and it stays in her crib. We also have an emergency paci in the car for car seat tantrums.
I don't anticipate it being a huge issue taking it away, but I also don't have a problem with her using it in her crib until she's 2 if she needs it. I don't really like toddler talking through a pacifier out in public, but I don't find it a problem for comfort at bedtime.
DD used to nurse to sleep. She didn't seem to like the pacifier at all at the beginning, so I didn't push it, but when I went back to work around 3 months, she would scream and cry at the end of a bottle. Our sitter discovered that if she prepared another bottle, she didn't want it. Then, voila, the pacifier made its magic appearance and DD was a goner. I resisted using it myself for a while, but one day I thought, hey, wait a second, maybe she'll actually stay asleep when I take her off the breast if I put a pacifier in her mouth and it worked. I felt like my world changed that day and I suddenly had a child who would take long naps without being attached to me. It was pretty liberating.
She decided on her own, sometime around a year old or so, that she didn't want to sleep with a pacifier in her mouth anymore, so it wasn't that hard to get rid of it. It was a lot harder to get her to stop nursing to sleep and in fact, she dropped her daytime nap when I weaned her from daytime nursing at 23 months. I kind of wished then that she still liked a pacifier...
You'll learn quickly that the opinions about what you should and shouldn't do will not stop. Just ignore every single one of them and do what works best for you and your family. Tell them it's your child, and your decision so they can just STFU.
["anabell0920"]We didn't try to introduce one till after 6 weeks, I battled to hard to nurse and was so afraid of anything messing with that. Lo and behold he wanted nothing to do with it!
This is exactly what happened with us. There was a small time frame where I really wished she would have, but now that she's teething she's got Sophie and that seems to make her happy.
DS took one during the first week, off and on (soothie) but figured out he like nursing all the time much better! Then when he started daycare around 8 weeks, he started taking it more because they offered it a lot and he's always been a comfort sucker/nurser and it filled in the gap from me not being there.
He totally gave it up by the time he started teething though!
So you can give it, don't feel bad either way.I promise you're not a bad mom if you don't give one, or if you do, and your IL need to STFU.
My baby would scream at the breast when she just wanted to comfort suckle because I had a really strong let down and she was over faced with all this milk when she just wanted to nuzzle.
So we gave her a dummy around 4 weeks. It made her super happy. We've only ever used it in the cot, so won't have the issue of a 3 yr old walking round with it, but we had the nightmare of her wanting it to be put back in 10 times a night.
If I can avoid it with the next one I will.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
She definitely doesn't need the pacifier to go to sleep. She will sleep for 8-12 hour stretches, I usually have to forcibly wake her up to eat. The times I would use it are times when she will act like shes hungry, but when i try to feed her she frantically will root but wont latch. I'm not sure what its about, but she gets so frustrated she upsets herself. This usually happens after she's already eaten for 45+ minutes, so I'm sure shes not hungry at that point, just trying to comfort suck.
Our pediatrician suggested a specific brand which I can't find in stores. They are cheap enough, i might order a pack on amazon and just keep them around and see how i feel.
You're approaching this entirely the wrong way. (which can be easy to do.)
You need to ask yourself (honestly) what is in the best interest of YOUR BABY and do that.
Don't worry about being judged by your sister, or what your ILs say or any other bvullshit like that.
I will honestly never understand paci fear/hate. For babies that need them pacis are a GODSEND. Why any parent would refuse to give a child something that does no harm and only makes the child feel better is beyond me. (Not to mention it makes the parent's life a hell of a lot better too.) Obviously if your child wouldn't be helped by one then of course don't use it. But I don't understand deliberately withholding a paci. from a child who could benefit from one.
I really don't see why people have to judge either way!
I wasn't really for or against pacis in general, but very against them for first month. In the hospital I was overruled by nurses and DH (who was exhausted and later apologized) and DS got a paci. It messed up breastfeeding for several days and his weight dropped low enough they were wanting us to supplement formula. I persevered and they day they were going to insist on formula he was gaining back alright.
From what I was told (by my midwives...I was supposed to deliver in birth center but he was breech...) by the people I trusted most, during the first month or so your LO should be nursing most of the time, for food and comfort. It evens out over time.
By the time I was fine with DS having a paci, he would have nothing to do with it. The only time he has ever taken it since the hospital is for my MiL, who lives in another state. I told her she is welcome to use one because it doesn't change anything for us. Nowadays he sucks on his fingers, our fingers, and anything else that is nearby and is a happy kid.
I say do what you want to do. Don't listen to what your sister OR inlaws think (or me!). That is your baby and you get to make the rules!