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Constant Anxiety

BrideofJackSparrowBrideofJackSparrow
in Postpartum Depression

 

   My daughter Natalie was born 6 weeks premature and is currently residing in the NICU. Other than the fact that she was early and her lungs were a bit underdeveloped, she is relatively healthy and progressing well. Her biggest challenge is eating. Despite these positives, I am constantly in fear of her dying, often because of something I didn't do. I fear her smothering herself in her crib (even in her isolett in the hospital), her starving because I'm not able to breastfeed her, or getting an infection because of me carelessly forgetting to wash or sanitize my hands. I suspect that some of my overwhelming anxiety is from the fact that a co-worker of mine recently lost her own 3 month old daughter to accidental smothering in her crib.

 The thought of Natalie dying cripples me, so much so that I lay on the floor screaming and crying. The only way to distract myself is by cleaning the house (which is wearing me out and causing me to bleed more than I should after my emergency C-Section)

Is this a common fear with mothers who have PPD? My doctor only seemed concerned if my thoughts about her death consisted of me hurting her myself. Not of other things hurting her. Any suggestions?

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Re: Constant Anxiety

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    totallyshockedtotallyshocked member
    You have been through sooo much  would just keep an eye on it. Maybe see about getting on something short term like clonazepam to calm your nerves or it may not hurt to start an anti depressant/ anti anxiety like zoloft, celexa, etc...... HUGS. It will get better. Im sure she is a fighter
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    wihakaydawihakayda
    Your doctor should be concerned, PPD does not have to include psychosis and can be overwhelming fears and anxieties over anything. If the thoughts consume you and cause abnormal behavior, in your case the excessive cleaning to try to distract your mind, then it is definitely cause to go in. If your doctor is unwilling to acknowledge that psychosis is not necessary for PPD treatment then it is time to find another doctor who understands PPD/PPA. Please do find a doctor who can help and try to sit down and not push yourself so hard physically.
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    mommajenbmommajenb
    I had the same fears, I even told my husband that if she died I would have to kill myself too because I couldn't live without her.  The NICU is not where you intended to spend the first days/weeks of your child's life.  I went through everything you did.  All I can say is that you have to have some sort of faith that your baby will get better.  You did nothing wrong, 1 in 8 babies is born premature, it just happens.  You have to focus on the what is not on the what could be or should be.  She is doing better and she is the hospital where she is being taken care of well.  From my experience it sounds like PPD because that is what I have been diagnosed with. My heart is with you.
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