Lost pregnancy this week, looking for some support

HopefulMoll · September 2010

Hi Everyone-

I'm new to the board today as I lost my first pregnancy this week. I was 12 weeks pregnant on Sunday, and went to see my midwife on Tues. She could not hear a heartbeat on the doppler, and I had had a little bit of spotting, so we went for an ultrasound that night, and found that the fetus had stopped developing at about 8-9 weeks.

I had a d&c this morning, and I'm not sure how to feel. The pregnancy was a surprise, albeit a welcome one. I was so excited to reach the 12 week mark, as I felt we would be "out of the woods" by then, and we had started to tell people the past couple weeks. I had also had very severe morning sickness for the first two months of the pregnancy. Looking back, it seemed to stop right around the time that the baby died.

My husband and I are grieving our loss, but what is weighing most on my mind is that I am afraid that any pregnancies I have from now on will be plagued by constant worry and anxiety. Everything went well with the d&c, I am healthy, was told by my midwife that I have a great body for carrying a baby, and we got pregnant without really trying so I have no reason to believe that my next pregnacy will not be successful. However, I don't know if I could handle going through this again.

The worst thing is having to readjust all our thoughts and plans that we have had. I don't know how I'm going to get through Christmas, when I know I would be big and seeing all my family for the first time, and April 3, my due date.

I'm sorry for the long post, but it feels good to share. I would love to hear anyone's story, especially those with happy pregnancies following a miscarriage! I'm so sorry for everyone's loss......

veggie0420 · September 2010

i am very sorry about your loss. tomorrow will be exactly 3 weeks since my "induced" m/c with cytotec, and i was/am very devastated obviously. we had tried for a year, so it was very exciting that it finally happened. i am terrified of this happening in the future, but my desire for a family out weighs my fear.

vegasgirl07 · September 2010

((hugs)) you are not alone. please dont feel like its anything you did, it is out of our control unfortunately. I hope you find strenght and know that someday you will have a happy, healthy baby. t&p's your way!

Snowbride02 · September 2010

Your story is very similar to mine. I was due April 9th. I started spotting this Tuesday at 11 weeks 3 days. I went to the doctor and they did an ultrasound. The baby didn't have a heartbeat. I had a natural miscarriage on Wednesday/Thursday. I had a previous ultrasound at 8 weeks 5 days and we saw the heartbeat and the baby moving. The second ultrasound showed the baby to be the size of a 9 week 1 day fetus. So the baby's heartbeat stopped just a few days after we saw it. I too just started to tell people at work, friends and extended family thinking that I was safe to do so. Now I have to un-tell everyone. It's really awful. And I feel the same way about subsequent pregnancies. I'm so scared to have to go through this again.

My great consolation are my two wonderful children I already have. This is my first miscarriage. So that should show you that sometimes it's a fluke and not always a chronic problem with the mother/father. Knowing that should give you (and me) hope for a successful pregnancy in the future. But it's hard not to be terrified that this could happen again. I am praying for you and me and all of the women that have gone through this. It is an unimaginable pain and sad to know that every time we get pregnant in the future, the joy will be overshadowed by the fear of losing the baby. I hope you're feeling better soon.

MandaS08 · September 2010

I'm really sorry for what you're going through and I understand your anxiety about it happening again-but chances are this really was just an isolated incident and you'll be totally fine in the future.

beachbum28 · September 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss...this was my second pregnancy and never thought it could happen to me because I had a healthy baby...but I guess it is very common which I hated to hear....it was a major blow for me because it took my hubby and I 12 months to concieve this baby....but i'm not afraid to try again...this just made me stronger! I will pray for sticky baby's for our future

my due date was in April as well....it will be a tuff month for both of us

inlovewithB · September 2010

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet little baby! I know what you mean about the Holidays and the estimated due date. I really thought I was going to be showing off a baby bump this holiday season, and I can't even imagine how hard it will be to get through the day our baby should have been born. I am having a really hard time adjusting my mind to the fact that we won't be meeting our baby in April. We spent so much time planning for all the "baby to-do's", and now I don't know what to do with myself.

I don't know how to get over the fear about future pregnancies! I am sorry I don't have more encouraging words to share. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.

bryanandkatrina · September 2010

I am so very sorry for your loss ((((hugs))))

I am new to the board as well - still waiting to m/c naturally.

I completely get what you mean about the holidays and adjusting all the plans that you had made - when I think about all that, it makes me cry. I that hope we can all find some peace soon.

silverrose43 · September 2010

I lost my pregnancy this week too so I feel your pain. I too am nervous about trying again, but I really want to. The super nice Doctor I had today assured me that most miscarriages are isolated incidents and should not deter anyone from trying again.

This board seems to be a great place to find comfort and stories of hope from others.

camdenfaithful · September 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. My pregnancy was also a surprise and once I got over the shock I was thrilled, but sadly that was short lived.

I know one of the hardest things for me to deal with is the loss of innocence throughout this whole thing. I'll never just be able to go through a pregnancy blissfully unaware and naive to so many things that could go wrong. We got the green light from our doc and are actively TTC but I'm also so incredibly scared. It happened so easily the first time. What if it's so much harder now? Or what if it happens easily but just ends the same way?

There are so many questions and fears and I just want to say that you're not alone. Please use this board and the wonderful women on here as a source of support. I never thought I'd be here or rely on women I don't even know, but it's been amazing.

HopefulMoll · September 2010

Thank you all SO SO much for sharing your stories. It makes me feel better just to know that there are others feeling the same things that I am feeling. I think we can all help support each other in trying to stay positive about future pregnancies and in getting through those hard times to come. I am praying for each and every one of you and truly appreciate the support you have shown. Please know that I am wishing you all the best.

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