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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
acia
member
I can't be a working mom & a SAHM!
acia
member
Now that my maternity leave is over, I'm going back to work, but only on Fridays - the rest of the time I take care of DD as a stay at home mom. DH is crazy busy finishing his PhD, so I take care of her pretty much 24/7, except for sometimes in the evening when DH gives her a bath or will play with her for a bit before bed. Since DH has a pretty flexible schedule, he's going to take care of her on the days when I'm at work.
So today is the first day of "daddy daycare," and DD was up at 5:30am. I tried to get ready as much as I could before waking DH up, which ended up being at 6:45am. When I went to wake him up, he said, "Why are you waking me up so early?" I told him I had to get ready for work, and he pretty much just rolled over and told me there's no way I need that much time to get ready (I leave for work at 8:45). I told him that it wasn't fair, so he sighed this exasperated sigh and said he'd be up in a while when he had a chance to wake up more. It's been half an hour and a I'm pretty sure he's gone back to sleep.
Seriously, DH?? As if I get a chance to "wake up" when DD is up at the crack of dawn! When he works, I'm up with her when she wakes up, and he sleeps until he's good and ready to get up, and then goes about his day the way on his time. Shouldn't it be the same when I have to work?
Is this fair? How do I explain to DH that I can't be a stay-at-home-mom on days when I work?? Aargh, I hate this division of labor crap!
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Re: I can't be a working mom & a SAHM!
Argh! Good luck! Maybe pick a time when you're both awake to discuss this. I get up with DS in the mornings when he is up before us (although lately - except for this morning - we've been having to wake him up - BLISS!)
Anyway, I usually plop DS in bed with DH and they play together, maybe watch a little Sprout, and I get to have my shower and get ready time.
Good luck!
Ugh, these are the kind of situations that drive me nuts at home! I SAH now, but every once in a while I want a break! My H is usually a huge help, but lately he is really letting me do it all.
AAHHH!
Hope your H gives you some help so you can get ready! When I get ready in the mornings, my LO usually plays with toys in the bathroom. (Which really used to gross me out with my first, but I'm over it now, lol.) He's usually pretty content watching me get ready. GL!
I am not trying to be harsh, because I certainly have my own issues with my DH, BUT you are just as much as fault for this situation as your DH is by not demanding more out of him over the past year. I did the same in the very beginning, but nipped it in the bud pretty early on. You need to do the same.
Sit down with him and lay it all out. Set expectations, rules, whatever. Most guys need it spelled out for them- and not when they are laying in bed half asleep. Eventually he will be able to anticipate what your family needs without you telling him, but in the beginning he will most likely need you to spell it out for him.
DH and I switch off weekend morning so that we get to sleep in once a week- during the week we BOTH get up with Lily. It is part of our family time. This is just one example of how we make this parenthood thing work- you have to find your own.
GL
Exactly this.
My DH SAH while I work too. And then he works on my days off. We have it so that he wakes up about 15 minutes before I leave. DH then finishes breakfast with DD. DH also likes to stay in bed until the last possible minute.
But I have to ask - why would you need 2 hrs to get ready for work? You wanted him to wake up at 6:45 and you don't leave until 8:45? One thing that may help you is to get all your stuff ready the night before.
My Schedule:
6:40-shower, get myself ready
7am- get dd up, change and nurse
7:30- start dd's breakfast
7:45- leave
If she wakes up before 6:40, she comes into the bathroom with me. I just bring a small tote of toys in there, put the garbage and toilet paper out of reach, close the toilet lid, and she plays while I shower. Sometimes she gets a bit fussy, but a quick peek-a-boo usually helps cheer her back up.
This is all well and good if it works for you. But she basically gets up every morning with her DD while her DH sleeps. It doesn't matter how long it takes her to get ready, he's the parent too and he can get up an tend to their child 1 day a week. It's one day. She shouldn't have to get things ready the night before because her DH wants to sleep. She doesn't have that luxury when he's going to work.
This exactly.
I would remind all of your selfish azzhole husbands that they had just as big of a hand in making this child as you did, and therefore they are 50% responsible for it. And I would cut that "favor" nonsense off right out of the gate. I can't even imagine the shades of purple I would turn and how many times my head would rotate around if my H said that to me about his own child.
People would be bailing my azz out of jail.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
http://pandce.****/index.cgi#general
Thanks all, for the support and replies.
The reason I needed 2 hours this morning was because it was my first day, and I had a bunch of stuff that needed to be prepared. But I agree with those of you who said that it shouldn't matter - he needs to step up more, regardless.
I've tried just plunking her on the bed with him, but he says it's unsafe because he's still half asleep and she could fall off the bed. Mind you, I feel like I'm half asleep most of the time, and DD is still alive and well.
I may have to create another post later asking you all for advice on how to approach DH about this issue. Now that I'm working things suddenly seem more complicated....
Do yourself the favor of filing for divorce.
You are married to a complete asshat.
OP- he's your husband, if it's that hard for you to talk to him then you have problems beyond his lousy parenting. Wait till your DD is asleep, tell him you need to talk and lay it all out there.
Dear women who are married to these men.......
You are married to a D!ck
get a new one
this is not a division of labor. you're doing 90% of the work. that's just silly.