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Attachment Parenting
anna7602
member
If you SAH/WAH or otherwise spend more time with DC...
anna7602
member
than your DH does (sorry for the long title post)...
Would you consider changing your current arrangement so that DH could be home with your DC for a while or stay home with child #2 instead of you? In other words, would you be willing to either switch roles completely or be less happy with your own work/life balance if it meant your DH could be home more?
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Re: If you SAH/WAH or otherwise spend more time with DC...
I wouldn't, but only because DH wouldn't want to either. He loves working, and always says that he could never be a SAHD. We're also really traditional, so for us, it's just normal that if someone can stay home, it's the mama.
That said, if DH really wanted to SAH, I would probably be willing to do something about it.
DH makes eight times more in his field than I do in mine, so we both agree that switching roles would not be a great idea
However, if the money issue weren't the case, then I would consider it. I don't think he want to though. He loves spending time with DD and wishes he could spend more with her, but he also gets easily overwhelmed by her high-needs demands (although that's getting better as she gets older). There would also be the issue of BFing...my body doesn't respond well to the pump, so I'm not sure if I'd be willing to give that up for #2 either.
As it is, DH comes home early frequently. We also get six weeks paid vacation over here (plus he gets three months paid vacation in January, since he will have been at his job for ten years) so I don't think he feels that he's overly missing out. I will say though that he did SO MUCH enjoy our six-week Europe trip because he got to spend so much time with DD.
I dunno...that's a toughie. So many factors involved!
DH is a great dad and handles the responsibility well, but he LOVES his job. He works four 10-hour shifts and by the end of his 3 day weekend he's itching to get back to work. And working makes me absolutely miserable.
So no, I wouldn't trade him
There's no way I'd want to swap. If it meant us being able to stay afloat financially, then I would, but I'd be relaly sad about it.
DH used to think that staying at home all day meant just chilling and playing on the computer. Now he knows better and he wouldn't want to swap either.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I was in the military doing the same job as DH (F-16 mechanic) for 6 yrs before having LO and there is no way I'd want to go back. It was so exhausting (looong hours) and I hated coming home smelling like jet fuel. DH doesn't mind it as much.
I do think he'd be a great SAHD but we can't both SAH and I'm not going back to work!
If money were no object! An unqualified yes.
However, at this very moment, that wont happen. BUT in 2 years, who knows.
Noel - August 2010
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I'd be pretty miserable having to leave DD to go back to work, but if it was something DH really wanted then I'd be willing to try it.
Luckily, DH would be absolutely miserable not working.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
I WAH and DH works outside of the home. I wouldn't change a thing and I think that DH would agree with me on that one.
I did return to the office after my maternity leave for about a month and a half. DH was home with DS all day during that time because he is a teacher and was on summer break. While he enjoyed having that time with DS, he was pretty antsy to get back to work.
Everyday that I left DS was torture for me. I felt horribly guilty and missed him like crazy. We have a great arrangement right now. My boss agreed that it would be best if I was at home with DS - she is a former SAHM - and thought that telecommuting would be best. My MIL comes out everyday to help out, I make a full time income with DS right there, and DH gets to go to work everyday. Eventually I'd like to work part time, but this arrangement works best for us right now and everyone is happy.
I WAH but have a corporate job & very little flexibility in hours & lately I've been working a lot of OT. DH was laid off 3 times while I pregnant, so he's back in school & SAHD during the day.
If I could quit my job & be a SAHM or just work part time I totally would do it, so I guess I wish I could switch but in the opposite direction of what you asked about. DH would go back to work in a heartbeat, but retraining was the best thing for our long term financial prospects, plus the jobs he was finding would barely cover daycare.
No, and for totally selfish reasons. The jealousy would eat me alive.
When I was pg with #1, we made equal money. He *hated* his job. We discussed him staying home and me working and while a big part of me liked the idea of my child being with a parent rather than daycare, I knew it would eat at me that it wasn't me. Not because he would do a bad job, but just because of my own selfishness. Fortunately he got a new job which is pretty much the same money but without the hate.
I work p/t now and have since DD was born. If something happened financially and the choice was me working full time or DH working 2 jobs, I would work fulltime. So I'm not 100% selfish... right?
Oh, you're killing me. The most feasible choice right now is for me to work full time so that DH doesn't have to work the equivalent of 2 jobs (he only works one, but with the hours of two, basically- nights, weekends, etc.) So I guess my wanting to continue my freelance life, with its awesome flexibility with DD and unpredictable income, is selfish. Oy!
Seriously, though, thanks for your input, ladies. I know there are a lot of variables, but I was curious to get a general sense of how people out there feel...