Am I being selfish?

CheyenneShaw · September 2010

So DH wants his friend to be at the birth. Not like in the room, but in the waiting room, and him come in soon after. I don't want that. My DH and Grandmother will be in the room, and other close family members will be in the waiting room. Friends can visit that night, or they can wait until we get home to visit. His friends are just not the people that I want to see after birth. None of my friends will be there. DH says its for support for HIM.My thought was that his "support" is his family that will be there same as mine. Am I just being selfish in not wanting his friends there and wanting this to just be a family thing?

Mrs.Johns · September 2010

Not selfish. Having H's friend in the waiting room is totally weird.

jenj542 · September 2010

I think since you are the patient, the one in the hospital gown, you get the final say in all matters hospital related. Its different once you are home, but I think for the hospital you rule the roost.

Sonadora · September 2010

Mrs.Johns:
Not selfish. Having H's friend in the waiting room is totally weird.

This. Why would they even want to be in the waiting room, it's bizarre.

uluvfranke · September 2010

if it was only one friend, I wouldnt get too upset about it. Maybe this time is super emotional for him and he feels like if he has a buddy there he can hold himself together better. I agree with mostly family, and you are by no means selfish, but if H told me he needed one specific person for his support, I would support him in that descicion.

amandalawless · September 2010

I dont' think you are being selfish. Your the one going through it. But if it helps some of DH's friends are going to be at the hospital. But in my DH's defense they are all like brothers to him and I do consider them all family (all firefighters and thier own families)

CFH79 · September 2010

jenj542:
I think since you are the patient, the one in the hospital gown, you get the final say in all matters hospital related. Its different once you are home, but I think for the hospital you rule the roost.

I agree with this. However, my H has several friends who are like family to him. They will probably come to the hospital--but probably not while I'm delivering. I'm ok with that. But, we're talking people he's known his ENTIRE life--not some random buddy from work.

LisaH34 · September 2010

If you're not having your friends there, and you're not close to your H's friend, then yeah, it's weird and not selfish at all.

It's about what you want and what you're comfortable with, since you're the one going to be half naked pushing out a human being from your vagina.

This kinda reminds me of a post awhile back where someone said their H wanted his mother in the room to support him, and when she wouldn't agree to that, he said he wasn't going to be in the room, either.

Stick to your guns!

Mrslove78 · September 2010

I get so sick of men saying they need this, or that because they need support. You are a team. You are eachothers support. Further more, I think your being overly accomidating by letting your DH's friend see LO THAT night. I didn't let my friends or DH's friends see LO untill he was a week old.

CinemaGoddess · September 2010

What is your DH's relationship with his family like? My DH's family would be anything but supportive if they were there. They'd probably get into political or philosophical arguments with the other people in the waiting are and get kicked out of the hospital.

It's happened before.

If DH wanted a friend there for moral support, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Whatever would make DH comfortable and actually feel like he's got someone to lean on if necessary.

Even though your husband isn't the one doing all of the physical work, it's still an emotional time for him as well. I'd let this one go, especially since the friend isn't going to be in the delivery room with you.

lilmgirl · September 2010

uluvfranke:
if it was only one friend, I wouldnt get too upset about it. Maybe this time is super emotional for him and he feels like if he has a buddy there he can hold himself together better. I agree with mostly family, and you are by no means selfish, but if H told me he needed one specific person for his support, I would support him in that descicion.

Ditto this. It may be a friend, but that friend might mean more to him than family.

JaimeCH · September 2010

Is he very close to his family? I would want my BFF there more than my dad, but that is because we are not very close. I think it is really sweet that his friend is so interested in the birth of your child that he wants to be in the waiting room.

aswinney · September 2010

DH and I have discussed this, because we feel like his best friend (practically brother) will be there.

My general thoughts are that I don't care who is there. It will be me and DH there for the delivery. They are more than welcome to sit in the waiting room for as long as they like - until after he is born, and DH and I feel like we have had sufficient time with him ourselves, and I have time to make myself presentable. At which point family can visit, and then friends - and they will be informed that I've just had a baby and we need to rest and that their visit WILL be brief.

CheyenneShaw · September 2010

He is very close to 2 of the 5 family members that will be there from his side. His friend is a friend from highschool (they both recently graduated), but this friend never answers his phone or texts, and when DHs friend comes over it seems he only does so to come swimming in our pool. Since we have stopped swimming as much and its cooling down, Dh and friend seem to only talk every once in a while. I am by no means close to said friend.

MrsJones714 · September 2010

Mrs.Johns:
Not selfish. Having H's friend in the waiting room is totally weird.

THIS. DEFINITELY.

TAMLVSCARL · September 2010

Just seems weird to me. I think his friend should come after the baby is already out & you've had a chance to freshen up somewhat. I don't want anyone 'waiting' in the wtg room. I'm hoping I have my LO at night for this very reason.

Kitiara5512 · September 2010

My DH doesn't have any family in town, and the few cousins and stuff that are in the area will be traveling away for his half brother's wedding (that we didnt get invited to but whatever, I gotta let that one go). His BFF from highschool, the guy we are planning to ask to be godfather and guardian to our son, will not be coming to visit in the hospital. He will be welcome to come see us at home. I dont mind him being there since they are so close, but DH doesnt see any need to have friends up there, since he will be in the delivery room with me and wind up ignoring them anyway. My mother will be in the room for labor, and my dad, sister, BIL, and cousin will be in the waiting room for some of the time if they really want to.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

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se2231 · September 2010

Not selfish! We might have my mom there in the delivery room (because my DH thinks I'm gonna turn into the exorsist) but I won't even let anyone be in the waiting room. After DD is born I would like time with just DD, DH and myself and to feed her and then for us to rest before we seen anyone. I know everyone is excited, but I want us to be able to enjoy our moment for awhile before we have to share with the world.

The one major annomaly I have discovered during the past 9 months, is that when you are having a baby eveyone thinks it's a "community" baby. And while others may play a HUGE role in your life it is your baby 1st. People tend to think the have the "right" to be there, but it is your body, your DH's and your baby and you have the right to decide whom to share that moment with.

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