MIL Vent

poison489 · September 2010

Normally my relationship with my MIL is great. She calls me her daughter, and I call her mom. She is helping us through a financial tough spot right now and I appreciate her generosity. Normally my husband watches DS during the day while I am at work and then I have him at night while DH is at school. Occasionally we have to call her to cover if DH has a big project to do or a test to study for. Today happened to be one of those days. DS has been a little fussy because he is teething and he had a vaccine the other day that gave him a fever. He is normally a very happy baby. DH was in his room studying when he over heard her calling DS stupid, and saying he was a bad baby because he was fussing. DH said she was the same way when he was a child, and thought that things would be different. DH called her on it and said that is not acceptable to call DS names. She said we are making him "soft". I am so angry at her for this. How can someone verbally abuse anchild like that and rationalize it by saying he would be "soft". DH and I have now decided that she will not be able to watch DS any more alone. I guess you could say that it is a good thing that I am getting laid off at the end of October. My boss also told me today that during my time left, if I need to take the baby in to work with me, he is fine with it for a few hours.

We already were having a hard time trusting others with our son, but somehow we thought we would be better off with DS grandma. I really wish we didn't have to rely on her now to help us through our tough spot. I can't wait until DH finishes school and we have stable jobs or I can at least SAH without financial pressures.

I am so furious and don't know if I will be able to keep my mouth shut next time I see her.

Tiger1984 · September 2010

Terrible! I would be really furious too. So, she thinks you should call your child names in order to make him tough or something? That's insane.

kwinters87 · September 2010

So sorry to hear she is doing this! But I'm glad that you are going to limit DS's alone time with her.

OctGirl80 · September 2010

My MIL recently related her thinking that she would pat her oldest son on the belly all the time when he was a baby. She never did that with her second son and she thinks that was why he was "softer" and got picked on while growing up. Confused

I take all her info with a box of salt. I sometimes wonder of the thinking of some people.

nekorayne · September 2010

That is crazy! I don't even know how I would react to that...but I imagine I would losse it. A baby is not stupid for crying, he has feelings amd since he is unable to talk this is how he expresses them. I HATE the sissy thing as well. DH's dad used to pull that on him whne he was little and hearing about it makes me want to punch someone. No need to make a child feel bad in order to "toughen them up". GRRRRR

kwinters87 · September 2010

OctGirl80:

I take all her info with a box of salt. I sometimes wonder of the thinking of some people.

This is a hilarious phrase! Mind if I steal it?

heatherglen814 · September 2010

OctGirl80:
I take all her info with a box of salt. I sometimes wonder of the thinking of some people.

Hah! That's fantastic! I do the same with my MIL. She said, "Oh, if DD is fussy just let her CIO. That's what I did with all 4 of mine." Ugh. DD wasn't even born yet when she said that. Then when she came up to visit, she said it again and DD was 4 days old.

robinadorno · September 2010

unacceptable! just make sure DH stands with you all the way otherwise things will get more awkward. I hope she can listen, learn and change for the sake of your baby. GL

poison489 · September 2010

Thank you for all of the support everyone.

My MIL is not likely going to change. We have had conversations in the past about how her father was verbally abusive with her and how that made her feel. She admits that she was that way to her sons and cried because she felt so bad about it. We talked at this time about how we were doing the AP thing with Positive parenting discipline to make sure that our child grows up to be a confident, well adjusted individual, that has respect for himself and others. She agreed that it was a good idea at that time, but then she went back to this type of abusive behavior yesterday as if we had never had the conversation. Apparently she ended up calling my husband yesterday evening and proceeded to give us "helpful" tips about dealing with DS fussiness.

ljlkm · September 2010

poison489:
Thank you for all of the support everyone.

My MIL is not likely going to change. We have had conversations in the past about how her father was verbally abusive with her and how that made her feel. She admits that she was that way to her sons and cried because she felt so bad about it. We talked at this time about how we were doing the AP thing with Positive parenting discipline to make sure that our child grows up to be a confident, well adjusted individual, that has respect for himself and others. She agreed that it was a good idea at that time, but then she went back to this type of abusive behavior yesterday as if we had never had the conversation. Apparently she ended up calling my husband yesterday evening and proceeded to give us "helpful" tips about dealing with DS fussiness.

This explains a lot. It's very difficult to break the cycle of abuse. Not that you should budge from your position, but try to remember this when dealing with her--she's working with the tools she was given.

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