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Silly Fears and Tears T&P Needed

RFKD82909RFKD82909 member
in Cincinnati Babies

    Dh is a cancer survivor. He is a survivor in every essance of the word. He is strong and healthy and he works hard to educate people about his disease and is always there to talk to anyone who needs an ear when it comes to this. However, his cancer has left him with PTSD and I believe a bit of survivors guilt. One of this close friends wasn't as lucky as he has been.

  I've always been the emotionally strong one in our relationship. Sometimes I can even be emotionally distant. I attribute this to the way I was raised and for the most part it isn't a terrible thing. DH had to go in for his testing and it's the first round of testing while ttc and the first round of testing since we've been married. Before we were married I could always tell when an appointment was coming closer, even before he would tell me the date. He gets distant and lashes out and generally (this time of year aside) doesn't do well with stress and anxiety. I try to ride the emotional rollercoaster the best that I can and be there for him as best I can.

    Last night we had a bit of a break through. He came to bed and woke me up and snuggled with me and whispered in my ear "Are you sure everything is going to be alright? I'm scared." It was all I could do to not start sobbing. I am irrationally terrified to lose my husband. There is no reason to think that the cancer is back. There is no logical reason for me to be as scared as I am. I've been fighting it for so long so I could be strong for him. I feel like I'm about to burst. No matter how much we argue or drive each other nuts, he is my entire world and I can't begin to imagine life without him. Last night was the first night that he talked to me about how he was feeling. The first night he told me how scared he is about a reoccurance and how much he wants to be there for our children. We've talked before about the possibility of his treatments rendering him infertile but never how he felt about it on an everyday basis.

   I'm being silly but I've had quite a few crying spells this week. I know that he is going to be fine and it will be a routine visit. It has to be. If you believe and made it through the entire post (thank you!) maybe say a little prayer for us here in the Fozzy household. It's been a rough week.

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Re: Silly Fears and Tears T&P Needed

  • PirateGirl04PirateGirl04 member
    I'm so sorry to hear abt ur DH's cancer but thats awesome that he is a survivor!  I wouldn't say your fears are silly b/c I'm sure I'd b the same way.  T and P coming your way! 
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  • spradssprads
    Of course I made it through the whole post and of course I will send a prayer your way. Cancer is a scary scary thing!
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  • brittanyandcjbrittanyandcj
    i'm so sorry! you guys are in my thoughts.
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  • rachho930rachho930
    T&P coming your way. 
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  • MrsMoherMrsMoher member
    ((HUGS)) I have no advice, but just wanted to show my support.  I wish you and DH the best.
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  • Lyons_in_2007Lyons_in_2007
    That has to be hard...for both of you!  T&P's coming your way.  Please keep us updated.
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  • KristenBtobeKristenBtobe member
    I can sort of relate. My dad had prostate cancer 5 years ago and reacts in a similar fashion when his testing time comes along. Only you know your relationship, but I know that in ours when one of us is stressed out, the other seems to step in the role of comforter and supporter. Sounds like that's what he needs now. No, you don't know what the future will hold but getting too far ahead of yourselves isn't good for either one of you. Gotta take it one step at a time.
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  • stillwaiting12stillwaiting12
    You have every right to be scared. Trying to be strong for him is a very hard job, one that it sounds like you would do no matter! If you ever feel like you need to let it out, feel free to post whatever it is on here, we will be supporting you! I am sure the fear you are feeling right now will be silly to you in a few days because his Dr. appt will be just fine. Until then though I will be sending my T&P your way!
    6/28/10: Lost our sweet baby Addyston at 18wk 1day to pPROM 7/24/11: Michael William born at 24wk 2d due to IC after an emergent cerclage at 18wks, 4wk home BR and 2 weeks hospital BR. Grow strong our little Miracle! 9/17/11: Michael joined his sister in heaven after 8 amazing weeks with us on earth. He fought a very hard fight but NEC was too much for him in the end. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • RFKD82909RFKD82909 member
    Thanks ladies. I really appreciate it. It's really hard because I don't have many people in my life that I can talk to about it. None of my close friends have had to deal with this (thank goodness). I feel silly complaining but it's good to get it out. I appreciate all the kind words.
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  • RFKD82909RFKD82909 member

    imagedaves_sweetpea:
    I'm sorry, that does sound really tough for the both of you.  How long ago was his diagnosis?

    He was diagnosed a little over 5 years ago. We met and started dating right after his initial diagnosis and surgery.

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  • alloboscallobosc member
    Oh, I just wanted to cry reading that. T&P your way for sure.  You're both so strong.
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  • JscaggsJscaggs
    *Hugs* and T & P your way. It's a hard thing to get through, but you will.  My family has had many rounds with cancer and I know it can be hard to even think of the idea of losing the one you love.  Stay positive and strong and I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers that everything turns out good. 
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  • klee411klee411 member
    Lots of T&P coming to you and your DH. Cancer is a very scary thing - my family has seen it's share of it (both my grandparents passed a few years back). Having a diagnosis so young must be scary! Lots of positive thoughts coming to you guys during this hard time...
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  • Kle2922Kle2922
    Big big hugs to you.  I can only imagine that fear that lingers over cancer survivors and their family. It used to break my heart when my mom talked about her fears of her breast cancer coming back, so I can't begin to imagine how you would feel as a wife.  It's ok to be scared and feel weak at times, sometimes it just helps((Hugs))
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