- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
s/o Changing Schedule
How often if ever do you have to switch scheduled parenting time with the other parent?
We've asked maybe 3x over the past 4 years to have an extra night with SD if we needed to take her to an event or party. BM asked to take her to a party once on DH's day. Both sides were flexible in that respect. Now that SD is older and my husband and I are married neither really ask for the other parent to take SD during their custodial time because they had to work or for some other reason.
TTC #1 and Only Since August 2008
DH: Severe Male Factor Infertility (Diagnosed July 2009)
Me: Clean bill of health
2 IVF w/ICSI cycles + 2 FET = 3 BFP = 3 Chemical Pregnancies
FET #2 = BFN
Tired of IVF - Trying for a miracle with IUI
IUI #1 - 1.1 Million Motile = BFN
Surprise Natural BFP on 1/10/12...Praying this is our take home baby
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o Changing Schedule
Dh used to ask for swaps every now and again to accomodate travel - or a big family event - same with BM.
But, since thier relationship (DH & BM) is so bad - we do not ask for swaps - ever. Currently BM asked us to switch all weekends so that her schedule can match her BFs and we are accomodating her as much as possible - but we told her we will nevr do this again - it is a pain in the a&&. Royally! But BM does nothing with SS if it is not the smae weekend as her boyfriends kids - so in his interest we are making that swap happen.
If SS mises stuff, it sucks, but that is life!
And if DH travels (he is in Germany right now) - we tell BM that I can still take him or she can have him and 99 out of 100 - she keeps him. So we just lose Wed, Thurs this week and we'll get him on Friday. Had we asked for a swap - it would have been hell!
I am not so irked by the requests for changes....life happens and you need to go with the flow.
But at the same time you cannot get upset when the other parent is not as flexible with THEIR schedule. Especially when you may have just inconvenieced THEM.
Remember, that BM may have plans for her off weekend and she just had to reschedule THOSE activities to take her child (something the BF couldn't do).
And on top of that, now she has to cancel MORE plans for him?
DH has luckily never needed to give up his whole weekend. We have had to get child care once in a blue moon or BM will want the kids for one of her family events which is fine. Most of the requests DH makes for family events on BM's time aren't a problem. If we have a holiday off during the week it isn't a big deal to get them as long as they don't have plans at home. So to make a short answer really long.....We stick to the schedule most of the time and plan around it but there is flexiblity. DH also respects that he is the NCP and isn't promised this extra time.
Once in a while things come up, but mostly they are things in FAVOR of the child, like we want to take them to DH's family reunion one weekend and it happens to fall on BM's weekend, or we need to extend our weekend by a day or two because we're going camping, or something fun for them.
Recently we had to flip a couple of visits because Skids were sick (and didn't feel like getting out of bed, they had a nasty flu and we totally understood), and then the other weekend, DD was sick and BM asked if we could switch because she didn't want Skids exposed again to this flu/tummy bug since they had just gotten over theirs. It's a bummer because it's been a few weeks since we've seen the kids, but we are pretty amicable with BM and have decided that we will have Skids 3 weekends in a row starting this weekend to make up for the missed weekends.
Not very often. The last time I remember it happening was when I was in labor with DD. We switched Tuesday night (DD was born early Wednesday morning) for Thursday night.
The only time I can recall before that was when DH had to go out of the country for work. That was 2-3 years ago? He no longer works for that organization, BTW.
We do occasionally ask if we can have him for special family events during the week but we don't switch times.
We have pretty frequent schedule changes. My ex is supposed to get her one overnight a week, which is generally Friday nights. He averages sticking to schedule maybe two nights a month.
Just in August he missed the second weekend due to him being away, then he called to see if he could get her thursday night and then have her all day friday because he had another trip planned. I let him do it. Labor day weekend he never called or showed up. No issues on Sept 10, but then last week he was supposed to pick her up at dance at 6:30 and he was late. My nerves can't handle irresponsibility and 6 years olds being left at dance studios unattended.
He is missing the next two weekends because she is going on vacation with my parents. He has the option ot take her on Oct 9, but she has plans on the 16th with a friend. He would not take her to her friends and pick her up. I am due November 1st, so if we have a baby the last weekend she will not be going with him. My sanity can't handle being in the hospital delivering a newborn and worrying where she may or may not be, so we will keep her home at that time.
Granted we have an odd situation, he is not her father, and his responibility is greatly questioned most of the time. He also recently told us he is thinking about going back to court and giving up visitation. He is a hot mess.
we make adjustments often, probably once a month. but we don't have a formal CO because we were never married and split amicably. we just swap days to even it out. it's pretty easy for us to calendar things way out though because we're every other week, rotating on Wednesdays.
basically if DS's dad wants him any days on "my" week, i say no problem (unless we already have plans), and they do the same for us.