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Attachment Parenting
anabell0920
member
Great article- Why African Babies Don't Cry
anabell0920
member
I thought this was great and just wanted to share. Makes me feel better about Dylan still waking up a million times a night right now and not starting solids yet.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Great article- Why African Babies Don't Cry
Thanks for posting!
I don't know how many times I've been judged for not letting DD cry or putting her on a nursing schedule. I'm gonna keep this for future reference:)
That sucks that people are getting all b!tchy about the rp of this article on the age boards. That's why you posted it here, I'm sure. It seems that people can post all they want about their parenting styles on the age boards, except for AP. AP on the age boards = people jumping down your throat about how you don't know their lyfe and you're not a better parent than they are, etc.
I do my best to not come across as "I'm better than you" or "I love my child more" when I discuss AP with others, because I don't believe it and I just do what's best for my family. But I have to say the OP of the 0-3 post was pretty uppity about it, putting the other posters in defense mode and making APers look crazy and judgy, yet again
Im sorry. I cant help it.
Yup pretty much!
Do I think I am a better mother than others because of how I parent? No! I just like anyone else, is doing what works best for Dylan and our family.
Roxstargirl- same things happen with us!
Uh, yeah. I guess I'm a bad mama according to her b/c my DH lost his funding and in order for my baby with a heart defect to have health insurance I have to go to work.
Good article! My DD is unfortunately in daycare part-time and in the beginning, the teachers tried to get her on a schedule. Like I've done something wrong by feeding her by her cues. They would try to fill bottles full and force her to eat every so many hours like all the other babies her age, but she refused to conform. She takes 1.5 to 2 to 3 to sometimes 5 ounces at a time and the frequency varies between 1 to 3 hours. They've since learned that she needs to be fed on-demand. It seems silly to me to go against what her needs are just to make her more "convenient."
But while they complained about that, they have commented on how she doesn't cry (she doesn't need to) and how she has such a spark in her that none of the other babies seem to have. I think it has everything to do with the fact that she's listened to and treated as an individual, not a baby that needs to conform.
I always thought I would be a mainstream mom (except for being vegan), but once I had DD, everything that seems "normal" in our country seemed to go against everything I feel is right. It's nice to see articles like this that reinforce that what I'm doing is good.
Don't bring your crazy over here!
It's been brought up she is a troll so she's just trying to get a rise out of people.
good article, ana. i, too find myself posting over here more. it's sad to me that no one i know IRL has a clue about AP and it feels so 'normal' to me. i find myself distancing myself from people or not discussing parenting b/c of it.
i think it's so much easier too, b/c otherwise you are in a constant battle going against what the baby really needs. also, glad to know that at 6 mos, it's not unusual for ds to still be on my boob all.the.time.
I was involved in that thread and she really offended a lot of people. I think AP is wonderful and my husband and I wear our daughter as much as we can. You can view my post in that thread, but to be honest, she didn't make me think any less of APers, she made me aware of how ignorant some people can be. She was more or less attacking all women that have to leave their babies at some point in the day. This is definitly not a place for that kind of drama.
I think its sad that some of you don't post over with us "age board" posters. I like you and like reading your posts! I know there are SOME posters who might make you feel weird or bad for your AP style. But you do realize that some of you also do the same? Not all of you, by any stretch. But some of you.
A few people here even stated above that "this article just reinforced to me that I'm raising my baby the right way" or "b/c otherwise you are in a constant battle going against what the baby really needs". Now, I am an intelligent person and would like to think they meant right for them and their family and they didn't mean it as literally as they wrote it. But you can see how that can make someone who does not have a choice but to work and not wear their baby 24/7 and to ff and so on feel bad? To make it seem like they're doing an inferior job of parenting and aren't sensitive to their baby's needs?
It literally makes me feel sad that someone would think that I am going against what my baby needs. I feel like I am doing everything for her that I can and to read that someone feels I am not because I am not doing what they are doing, sucks. So, it does go both ways with AP'ers and non-AP'ers thinking they're better.
I get where you're coming from. I meant what's best for my family, and I'm sure the other posters meant that as well. We get a lot of comments online and IRL about how we're spoiling our babies and we need to get them on a schedule and train them or manage them or what have you.
Since we all parent by doing what comes naturally and feels right (as I'm sure everyone does, but for some people it's more mainstream), this article is refreshing because it's not someone telling us to put our kid down, or let them CIO, or get them in their own bed, or that they need to learn independence now or they'll be glued to us forever.
I'm sure when you read an article that showcases the benefits of your parenting style it makes you feel warm and fuzzy, and validated. That's what this article did for the ladies on this board. I'm sorry a troll tried to shove it in everyone's faces and act like they're wrong for what they're doing. Most of us here don't believe that at all.
I found the article via Kellymom's FB post and read it earlier this morning.
While I did enjoy it, it doesn't hold true for me. While I believe in the AP principles and practice them in my own home, I will say that my baby (10 months) is a MUCH more difficult baby than my toddler (now 2.5 years) ever was. I only nursed my toddler for 3 months due to supply issues, stopped bedsharing after that, had a medicalized birth (epidural, Stadol) and didn't babywear nearly as much as I do now. I wish it were as simple as nursing on demand or babywearing frequently! We're all guilty of believing that our way of parenting is the only way to parent and it's easy to fall into, "Well, if you'd just wear your baby/breastfeed/sleep this way/birth that way/do this, it'd be much better for you because it works for me." Then, if that particular person fails or has no change, we (secretly) accuse them of doing it wrong, or not trying hard enough.
We often forget that babies are individuals and have unique personalities. I know just as many attached parents with high-needs, fussy babies as I do mainstream parents. I like that the article is a feel good, listen-to-your-Momma-instinct piece, but I think that the title sucks!
Sure, I like to feel that I'm doing the right thing!
I agree with that sentiment. And I also think this article was a good one. Just pointing out how sometimes you guys (the collective, not you or anyone in particular in this thread) can make others feel the same way you claim we (again, the collective) make you feel. LOL!
Funny thing is, I honestly feel there is always someone who will tell you you're doing things "wrong". I am not an AP'er, really. I try to do some things AP'ish, but I am told all the time that I spoil Evelyn. LOL. How is that even possible?
I said the article reinforced things for me. But I send my DD to daycare part-time and I have had to FF. I can still be AP though. AP isn't a strict set of rules. It's responding to your baby sensitively. I feed on-demand, I co-sleep and bedshare, I wear DD a lot, I don't let her cry, etc. I do what works best for my family's situation even if it's not how I would ideally like things to be. Just wanted to throw that out there. Just because people are AP doesn't mean they all parent exactly the same.
This. It is hard enough being "on" all of the time. The judging I have gotten for not letting her cry has been crazy!
Thank you! I was about to post the same thing. Many of us who post here also work FT, and some even *gasp* use formula. For me, "AP" is very simple: If your baby needs something, respond quickly and lovingly. You can do that with or without breasts or a sling or whatever. We all do it differently.
I honestly am confused by what is so controversial about this particular article, but I guess it was just the troll on 0-3 who got everything stirred up.
Hey I actually agree. Thats why I said I do things somewhat AP'ish. LOL! I don't let Evey CIO, I don't let her go hungry to enforce a schedule or whatever, etc etc. But I do let her sleep in her crib (honestly, more because I was scared to death of rolling onto her, lol!) and I do formula feed with a bottle. But, hey, whatever.
I have nothing against AP or the article, like I said. Its the troll's attitude. And I also wanted to just share how sometimes AP'ers can be a little insensitive to non-AP'ers too.
I love this. My LO is one of the "weird"babies that will only eat if she's really hungry. She never comfort nurses (I think mostly because of my overactive letdown) but I just like seeing things that validate the way I parent... trying to meet my kid's needs as quickly and lovingly as possible, whatever that need may be.
I posted this as my facebook status and quickly got a couple likes (very cool) and one mom suggesting BabyWise, haha.
Making the time is a choice. Everyone has the freedom to choose, even if that means having 1 car instead of 2, or not going on vacation this summer, or cooking more at home and not dining out so much. Whatever your situation is, you do have a choice. We all do.
Have you been to Africa? Have you SEEN how hard women there work? From the time I spent in Zambia, I know that these women go non-stop. The ones that have jobs outside the home work and then come home to cook, clean, fetch water, work their fields. The ones that don't have a job spend all day in their fields or do household work. It doesn't stop until they lay down to go to sleep at night, then they are up with the rooster to start on breakfast and the next day's work.
I get that you mean that women in Africa have fewer instances where they are away from their babies, but that doesn't mean they have more time on their hands. Out of necessity they bring their babies everywhere they go. The mom I stayed birthed her twin girls in the morning, and worked in her fields that same afternoon-with one baby strapped in front and one on her back!
Thanks for sharing, what a wonderful article! Something I have learned is to just do what feels natural. Though I fall into the AP category, all I am really doing is "reading my baby" as the grandmother put it. I thought it was so interesting how she told her not to read books, I am a big book person, but eventually I noticed that whenever I would consult a baby book or read one in general I would always end up paranoid that all sorts of things were wrong with LO! I also remember learning in my Native American Art class in college that in many Native American cultures women always hold their babies (usually BWing) and that they dont believe in spoiling a baby, I remember my professor saying "they believe babies are meant to be held." Even my teenage self could appreciate the notion!
Yes.. finding it strange that one would think African women have lots of leisure time. I also always got the impression BWing in African cultures was bc women have to work constantly!
This is the website where most modern mothers are described as "fake mothers." You have a c-section - you're a "fake mother." You formula feed - "fake mother.' Work outside the home - "fake mother."
That is possibly the worst article I've ever read.
I would hate to be the mother of that guy's children!