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April 2011 Moms
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T&P for Friend :(

genaruthpgenaruthp member
in April 2011 Moms

I don't know how many of you remember me mentioning my DH's BF and his wife were expecting 3 days before us? They weren't trying, but weren't doing anything not to get pg.

They went in 2 weeks ago and didn't see a heartbeat. And still nothing, so she has said she lost the baby.

I feel horrible. Her and I are not close, we only talk when our hubby's hang out. They have decided to officially start trying. I just hope this doesn't affect us all hanging out. I don't really know what to say or do. I did tell her I was thinking of her and was here if she needed anything.

I guess I just hope they can get as easily pregnant the next time. The menfolk were so excited to be dads together :( Hopefully they can be soon.

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DD ~ 4/21/2011
DD 2.0 ~ 12/30/2013

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Re: T&P for Friend :(

  • megan1019megan1019
    That's a tough one & the situation sucks! Sounds like you are being a great friend though!
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  • hmtuthillhmtuthill
    She will need you to understand if she doesn't want to hang out with you.  I've had three miscarriages and it was really hard to hang out with pregnant friends.  It will take her time to heal, but she will eventually heal and be ok hanging out with pregnant people.  After the third miscarriage my husband didn't want to hang out with pregnant women either.  We were too sad and jealous.  The best thing to do is just understand if she needs time.
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  • genaruthpgenaruthp member

    imageHMTuthill:
    She will need you to understand if she doesn't want to hang out with you.  I've had three miscarriages and it was really hard to hang out with pregnant friends.  It will take her time to heal, but she will eventually heal and be ok hanging out with pregnant people.  After the third miscarriage my husband didn't want to hang out with pregnant women either.  We were too sad and jealous.  The best thing to do is just understand if she needs time.

    I get that. That is why I did the text, she could have ignored it. She's being a trooper. But DH and I will leave the ball in their court, we normally watch football together, but we can do something different. And really I am just being careful not to rub it in their faces. I had posted our ultrasounds on facebook before I knew, and have been overly careful not to update anything. I don't want to rub it in her face. I just hope they are ok. I had a miscarriage years ago when we weren't trying too...

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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    DD ~ 4/21/2011
    DD 2.0 ~ 12/30/2013

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  • hmtuthillhmtuthill
    You sound like a great friend! You still need to celebrate your baby. I know you want to be careful not to hurt her feeling, but you also have to take care of yourself. I made sure my friends knew that they didn't have to be careful around me. If it was a tough situation I would remove myself from it or just not attend the event. I had to hide all my friends facebook statuses because it was too hard. If its hard for her she can hide your statuses and just not look at the ultrasounds. Celebrate your baby!
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  • genaruthpgenaruthp member
    imageHMTuthill:
    You sound like a great friend! You still need to celebrate your baby. I know you want to be careful not to hurt her feeling, but you also have to take care of yourself. I made sure my friends knew that they didn't have to be careful around me. If it was a tough situation I would remove myself from it or just not attend the event. I had to hide all my friends facebook statuses because it was too hard. If its hard for her she can hide your statuses and just not look at the ultrasounds. Celebrate your baby!
    We will. I have just been on edge myself because of the little bleeding I have had. But the dr seems to not be worried so I am trying to enjoy it day by day. Luckily we won't be doing much baby related stuff for months, so that should help. :)
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    DD ~ 4/21/2011
    DD 2.0 ~ 12/30/2013

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  • Scout05Scout05 member

    I'm sorry for her loss.

    This is going to sound unfair, but I am speaking frome experience - because you were so close together, it might be hard for her to be around you as your pregnancy goes forward. It's going to be a very visual reminder of where she should be in her pregnancy.

    Don't take it personally if she needs space, and can't handle discussions about your pregnancy. It's not that she isn't happy for you, it's just that it is really painful. Painful in a way you just can't understand until you've been there.

    ETA: I see that you have been there, so I know you understand. I'm sorry for your loss as well.

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  • GreenBride624GreenBride624 member
    imagegenaruthp:

    I get that. That is why I did the text, she could have ignored it. She's being a trooper. But DH and I will leave the ball in their court, we normally watch football together, but we can do something different. And really I am just being careful not to rub it in their faces. I had posted our ultrasounds on facebook before I knew, and have been overly careful not to update anything. I don't want to rub it in her face. I just hope they are ok. I had a miscarriage years ago when we weren't trying too...

    First, I think you are being very kind and aware of their feelings.

    However, I don't think you should stop posting baby things on FB because she may or may not see them.  As PP mentioned, you can still celebrate your baby!  She just may not respond to your updates and that is ok.  As you said, you aren't super close to her.  Keep your FB updates so that your other friends & family can celebrate with you!

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  • genaruthpgenaruthp member
    Thanks ladies! I don't have much to post about the baby on FB yet, but we should get to hear the HB on Friday afternoon (worst case they whip out the u/s).. SO that should be something good to post :)
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    DD ~ 4/21/2011
    DD 2.0 ~ 12/30/2013

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