Speaking up

awinning · September 2010

Ok ladies, I'm going to try and write this in an unbiased way. I'm sure some things that I say will be misunderstood but I feel like a lot of what's going on is.

I realize this is the Cincinnati Baby board and therefore I've kind of remained quiet because I don't have a baby and I am not pregnant. Having mentioned this though, it seems that you all have welcomed me and others who are in similar situations.

I am speaking strictly for myself when I say these things.

I am so very happy for anyone who gets pregnant. I do believe that any life that is created is a blessing. Most of you know that I get to see those blessing come to life in my chosen career.

I don't think the point yesterday was to diminish anyone's joy of being pregnant.

The problem that I have with someone using the term "miracle" in every post is that it makes me feel inferior. It makes me feel like her pregnancy is more important than any pregnancy I've ever experienced. It makes me feel like her baby is in some way more special than any baby I've ever had within my body and loved with all of my heart.

I have never witnessed any other woman on this board post about their pregnancy or baby in such a way as to make other women feel inferior. I feel as though this would be similar to someone coming on this board and proclaiming their child is a genius. I think that would rub a lot of people the wrong way as well.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone's pregnancy and everyone's baby is special, no matter if it happened with out intention, with intention, without treatment, with treatment, with foster care or adoption, whether you have a baby to hold in your arms or a baby that's only remembered in your heart. I feel like the term "miracle" was ok to use the explain the situation but it's repetitiveness and the sense of gloating I get from those posts is what upsets me.

I hope this clears some things up for you all. If I'm not welcome here since this is a "baby" board then I understand but I've come to know so many of you and really value the support that you've given me through so many of my extremely trying times.

brittanyandcj · September 2010

that is put beautifully and i agree 100% **hugs**

adamsbabble · September 2010

I am a big believer in "It's not what you say, but how you say it" and I think it can go along way in getting the point across if some tact is used. When tact isn't used, it leaves me to question whether a person really cares about making their point or if they really just want to be snarky and attack. The post yesterday left me to believe the latter. The whole tone was just nasty, and I guess I still just don't see why Babbs' couldn't have written to her in a private message, or since she did feel the need to address it publicly, at least have written as as tactfully and respectfully as you have here. I think you do a much better job of getting that point across on behalf of those struggling with IF.

ETA: And of course you are welcome here! You have carried a child and suffered a great loss that I can't even imagine... you are a mother to the babies you've lost, and they are just as valid and special as anyone else's here. I am praying you get some answers and a baby to hold in your arms very soon! (((HUGS)))

tiffyr0se · September 2010

I agree with Adamsbabble. And it makes me sad that no one has appologized to her, especially after she further explained why she believes this to be a miracle baby for her. (And the ridiculousness of telling her that even though Drs had told her she would never have children, that still isn't a miracle because Drs make mistake.) I personally feel that any mother who doesn't feel her baby is a miracle, that's the mother that needs help.

I also feel that it is much more offensive for those of us with children to constantly complain about this and that, than for someone to talk about what a blessing her baby is. I, myself, am sometimes put off by how much we complain about our children on this board.

Having said all that, I think your complaint was well phrased, and had the complaint been handled this way, it would have been relatively drama free.

KristenBtobe · September 2010

Very nicely said. As far as I an concerned, you are always welcome here.

sistrkate · September 2010

Here's my problem, and this is not directed at you, Amanda.

Yes, the title of this board is the Cincinnati Babies board. A new person only posting here a few days has no way of knowing the heartbreak and loss that some of the women on this board have suffered. So while it may have rubbed some people the wrong way, I don't think she deserved to be crucified for her choice and use of the word that she used. She explained herself again and again, and I don't think she should have had to do that.

We often talk about what a wonderful, supportive board this is, and for the most part, that is true. But I am aghast at the impression we must have made on someone new, and then put the onus on her to have "lurked" before posting and understanding the unique personalities and trials each of us has had to bear. That's ridiculous.

pinkylu · September 2010

sistrkate:
Here's my problem, and this is not directed at you, Amanda.
Yes, the title of this board is the Cincinnati Babies board. A new person only posting here a few days has no way of knowing the heartbreak and loss that some of the women on this board have suffered. So while it may have rubbed some people the wrong way, I don't think she deserved to be crucified for her choice and use of the word that she used. She explained herself again and again, and I don't think she should have had to do that.
We often talk about what a wonderful, supportive board this is, and for the most part, that is true. But I am aghast at the impression we must have made on someone new, and then put the onus on her to have "lurked" before posting and understanding the unique personalities and trials each of us has had to bear. That's ridiculous.

Ok, now I want to give you a hug and a kiss

This is what I was trying to get across. To tell someone that they should have read back to understand "the tone" of the board is way over the top. Going by last night, our "tone" must be self-righteous and petty.

Also, I in NO way meant to imply that anyone is unwelcome here by pointing out the name of the board. I just think it's unfair to ask ppl to walk on eggshells while posting about their pregnancy when that is what this board is devoted to.

vbmeg · September 2010

sistrkate:
Here's my problem, and this is not directed at you, Amanda.
Yes, the title of this board is the Cincinnati Babies board. A new person only posting here a few days has no way of knowing the heartbreak and loss that some of the women on this board have suffered. So while it may have rubbed some people the wrong way, I don't think she deserved to be crucified for her choice and use of the word that she used. She explained herself again and again, and I don't think she should have had to do that.
We often talk about what a wonderful, supportive board this is, and for the most part, that is true. But I am aghast at the impression we must have made on someone new, and then put the onus on her to have "lurked" before posting and understanding the unique personalities and trials each of us has had to bear. That's ridiculous.

couldn't have said it better!

adamsbabble · September 2010

sistrkate:

Here's my problem, and this is not directed at you, Amanda.

Yes, the title of this board is the Cincinnati Babies board. A new person only posting here a few days has no way of knowing the heartbreak and loss that some of the women on this board have suffered. So while it may have rubbed some people the wrong way, I don't think she deserved to be crucified for her choice and use of the word that she used. She explained herself again and again, and I don't think she should have had to do that.

We often talk about what a wonderful, supportive board this is, and for the most part, that is true. But I am aghast at the impression we must have made on someone new, and then put the onus on her to have "lurked" before posting and understanding the unique personalities and trials each of us has had to bear. That's ridiculous.

Well said. I heart you and always have. I'm sad you said the other day that you don't feel like you fit in or have anything to add at times, because I always looks forward to your input and honestly think you were the voice of reason in all of this last night.

awinning · September 2010

adamsbabble:
I am a big believer in "It's not what you say, but how you say it" and I think it can go along way in getting the point across if some tact is used. When tact isn't used, it leaves me to question whether a person really cares about making their point or if they really just want to be snarky and attack. The post yesterday left me to believe the latter. The whole tone was just nasty, and I guess I still just don't see why Babbs' couldn't have written to her in a private message, or since she did feel the need to address it publicly, at least have written as as tactfully and respectfully as you have here. I think you do a much better job of getting that point across on behalf of those struggling with IF.

ETA: And of course you are welcome here! You have carried a child and suffered a great loss that I can't even imagine... you are a mother to the babies you've lost, and they are just as valid and special as anyone else's here. I am praying you get some answers and a baby to hold in your arms very soon! (((HUGS)))

Thanks K. I hope that anyone that knows my pain gets answers and a baby to hold soon too.

KristenBtobe · September 2010

I'm such a Libra, because I do see both sides of this issue. Could Babbs have been more tactful in her approach, yes. Girl, you know I love you. But after sleeping on it, I do think it was a little harsh. All of this has snowballed way out of control, as evidenced by the what is considered a miracle or not post. We're treading on dangerous territory with that one.

However, some of the tsk tsking and "you should be ashamed of yourselves" tone is little bit much. If she (or have2run, or anyone else who took a strong position last night) wants to apologize, they will. We are all in control of what we put out that contributes to how we are perceived here.

I know I would be sad if some of the people left who said they might stop coming here because of last night.

brittanyandcj · September 2010

KristenBtobe:
I'm such a Libra, because I do see both sides of this issue. Could Babbs have been more tactful in her approach, yes. Girl, you know I love you. But after sleeping on it, I do think it was a little harsh. All of this has snowballed way out of control, as evidenced by the what is considered a miracle or not post. We're treading on dangerous territory with that one.
However, some of the tsk tsking and "you should be ashamed of yourselves" tone is little bit much. If she (or have2run, or anyone else who took a strong position last night) wants to apologize, they will. We are all in control of what we put out that contributes to how we are perceived here.
I know I would be sad if some of the people left who said they might stop coming here because of last night.

Yes Yes i'm a libra too

awinning · September 2010

sistrkate:
Here's my problem, and this is not directed at you, Amanda.
Yes, the title of this board is the Cincinnati Babies board. A new person only posting here a few days has no way of knowing the heartbreak and loss that some of the women on this board have suffered. So while it may have rubbed some people the wrong way, I don't think she deserved to be crucified for her choice and use of the word that she used. She explained herself again and again, and I don't think she should have had to do that.
We often talk about what a wonderful, supportive board this is, and for the most part, that is true. But I am aghast at the impression we must have made on someone new, and then put the onus on her to have "lurked" before posting and understanding the unique personalities and trials each of us has had to bear. That's ridiculous.

I agree that things got very heated and very quickly yesterday. I wasn't trying to justify what happened yesterday. I just wanted to speak up because I don't think anyone else that's in a similar situation as myself (ie: not pregnant/don't have a baby(ies)) has spoken up. I seriously could feel the stomach acid in my throat after I posted this and I thought maybe my heart would beat out of my chest but I thought maybe my perspective could shed new light.

Moesten · September 2010

Amanda, I will always welcome you here. You and any other woman in any stage of her journey as a mother. In my real life and on this board I have shed tears of happiness for you girls in your successes and have shed tears of sadness and my heart has broken at your losses and sadness. I have genuinely prayed for each of you to be blessed with your babies whether it be through the miracle of sex, the miracle of science, the miracle of adoption, the miracle of step-parenting, or any miracle.

Having said that, what I am about to write is probably going to be painful for you (or others) and might just get me crucified but so be it. I feel it needs saying. This is not directed at you, personally, but is in response to the recent events. I have always tried to be compassionate to the women around me (cyberlife or real) who are on the IF journey. I have thought twice about posting my own BFPs for fear it would hurt someone else. I have wondered when pregnant and out with IF girls what am I supposed to do? Pretend I am not pregnant? Change the topic when someone asked me how I was feeling or when I was due or what the sex was so as not to hurt the IF women present? Never complain about my child's behavior? Truly I have tried to be compassionate. But my having a baby doesn't take away from anyone else. Our babies still deserve to be celebrated and rejoiced in. My getting pregnant does not take a baby away from someone else. It is not done to spite anyone. It is still a joyful, happy event that should be embraced and celebrated.

Did Megan come on a bit strong with the miracle business? Sure did. Does she overshare personal information in her posts and blog? Yep, probably so. But this woman came to a "babies" board to talk about her experience and her excitement. If she can't celebrate her baby on a babies board, where exactly can she do it? And for people to call her out over her usage of a word in her own freaking, personal blog is beyond the pale. Her own blog!

It is, imo, arrogant to ask an expectant mother on a babies board to tamp down on her joy over her baby because someone else sees her happiness as an affront to them. We do not ask musicians to stop playing a symphony because the deaf cannot hear it. We do not ask artists to stop painting because the blind cannot see them. To ask an expectant mother to curb her elation over her own baby because someone finds it offensive is, in my opinion, the height of selfishness. It says to that woman, "My pain is more important than your happiness." I'm sorry but that just isn't so. Her joy is just as important as their pain. And her baby should be celebrated as much as the baby of a woman who has journeyed the painful IF road.

I am so sorry that you and others have found themselves on a painful path. I will continue to hope and pray that each of you is given the opportunity to build your family in a way that will bring you joy and contentment. I will always welcome your all's input on any topic and I will continue to celebrate your successes with you.

awinning · September 2010

pinkylu:
sistrkate:
Here's my problem, and this is not directed at you, Amanda.
Yes, the title of this board is the Cincinnati Babies board. A new person only posting here a few days has no way of knowing the heartbreak and loss that some of the women on this board have suffered. So while it may have rubbed some people the wrong way, I don't think she deserved to be crucified for her choice and use of the word that she used. She explained herself again and again, and I don't think she should have had to do that.
We often talk about what a wonderful, supportive board this is, and for the most part, that is true. But I am aghast at the impression we must have made on someone new, and then put the onus on her to have "lurked" before posting and understanding the unique personalities and trials each of us has had to bear. That's ridiculous.
Ok, now I want to give you a hug and a kiss
This is what I was trying to get across. To tell someone that they should have read back to understand "the tone" of the board is way over the top. Going by last night, our "tone" must be self-righteous and petty.
Also, I in NO way meant to imply that anyone is unwelcome here by pointing out the name of the board. I just think it's unfair to ask ppl to walk on eggshells while posting about their pregnancy when that is what this board is devoted to.

I don't mean my post to sound like I think people should walk on eggshells when posting about their pregnancy. As I said, I am truly excited for anyone that gets pregnant, no matter the circumstances surrounding it. I just think a small amount of sensitivity or a little observation could have gone a long way.

pinkylu · September 2010

Moesten:
Amanda, I will always welcome you here. You and any other woman in any stage of her journey as a mother. In my real life and on this board I have shed tears of happiness for you girls in your successes and have shed tears of sadness and my heart has broken at your losses and sadness. I have genuinely prayed for each of you to be blessed with your babies whether it be through the miracle of sex, the miracle of science, the miracle of adoption, the miracle of step-parenting, or any miracle.
Having said that, what I am about to write is probably going to be painful for you (or others) and might just get me crucified but so be it. I feel it needs saying. This is not directed at you, personally, but is in response to the recent events. I have always tried to be compassionate to the women around me (cyberlife or real) who are on the IF journey. I have thought twice about posting my own BFPs for fear it would hurt someone else. I have wondered when pregnant and out with IF girls what am I supposed to do? Pretend I am not pregnant? Change the topic when someone asked me how I was feeling or when I was due or what the sex was so as not to hurt the IF women present? Never complain about my child's behavior? Truly I have tried to be compassionate. But my having a baby doesn't take away from anyone else. Our babies still deserve to be celebrated and rejoiced in. My getting pregnant does not take a baby away from someone else. It is not done to spite anyone. It is still a joyful, happy event that should be embraced and celebrated.
Did Megan come on a bit strong with the miracle business? Sure did. Does she overshare personal information in her posts and blog? Yep, probably so. But this woman came to a "babies" board to talk about her experience and her excitement. If she can't celebrate her baby on a babies board, where exactly can she do it? And for people to call her out over her usage of a word in her own freaking, personal blog is beyond the pale. Her own blog!
It is, imo, arrogant to ask an expectant mother on a babies board to tamp down on her joy over her baby because someone else sees her happiness as an affront to them. We do not ask musicians to stop playing a symphony because the deaf cannot hear it. We do not ask artists to stop painting because the blind cannot see them. To ask an expectant mother to curb her elation over her own baby because someone finds it offensive is, in my opinion, the height of selfishness. It says to that woman, "My pain is more important than your happiness." I'm sorry but that just isn't so. Her joy is just as important as their pain. And her baby should be celebrated as much as the baby of a woman who has journeyed the painful IF road.
I am so sorry that you and others have found themselves on a painful path. I will continue to hope and pray that each of you is given the opportunity to build your family in a way that will bring you joy and contentment. I will always welcome your all's input on any topic and I will continue to celebrate your successes with you.

Thank you....this is EXACTLY what I have been trying to say. I was going around and around in my head trying to figure out the right words, but couldn't get there as eloquently as you.

andailey · September 2010

sistrkate:
Here's my problem, and this is not directed at you, Amanda.
Yes, the title of this board is the Cincinnati Babies board. A new person only posting here a few days has no way of knowing the heartbreak and loss that some of the women on this board have suffered. So while it may have rubbed some people the wrong way, I don't think she deserved to be crucified for her choice and use of the word that she used. She explained herself again and again, and I don't think she should have had to do that.
We often talk about what a wonderful, supportive board this is, and for the most part, that is true. But I am aghast at the impression we must have made on someone new, and then put the onus on her to have "lurked" before posting and understanding the unique personalities and trials each of us has had to bear. That's ridiculous.

I wholeheartedly agree!! Well stated. I feel that this board is always very supportive and accepting of veteran or new posters' opinions or ideals, so I was surprised as well about yesterday's comments.

Superchicy · September 2010

I'll put my own opinion out here too. I pretty much said it last night, but her baby is HER miracle. I think she used that term because, especially after reading her story, because in a month that baby would never have been able to happen, ever, science or no science to help her. I totally get why she would call it her miracle baby.

Now on the other hand, she used "miracle baby" a heck of a lot in her posts, but I think it was more like a name for her baby. It would be like me constantly calling DD the "sleepless wonder" or something in all my posts. You guys get it already, no need to keep throwing the fact that she doesn't sleep around.

But to suddenly attack her that she's rubbing this child in the face of all who are dealing with IF going too far. She's extremely excited about her child, and seems like someone who wears her heart on her sleeve and was just looking for somewhere to express all this.

I'm really disappointed at how last night was handled. Could she tone it down a bit, probably. But who are we to tell her that her child is not special enough to be called a miracle, or that she's being brazenly inconsiderate each time she calls her child the "miracle baby"? I truly hope she comes back to the board, but I honestly wouldn't after something like last night.

Traycee1242 · September 2010

pinkylu:
Moesten:

Amanda, I will always welcome you here. You and any other woman in any stage of her journey as a mother. In my real life and on this board I have shed tears of happiness for you girls in your successes and have shed tears of sadness and my heart has broken at your losses and sadness. I have genuinely prayed for each of you to be blessed with your babies whether it be through the miracle of sex, the miracle of science, the miracle of adoption, the miracle of step-parenting, or any miracle.

Having said that, what I am about to write is probably going to be painful for you (or others) and might just get me crucified but so be it. I feel it needs saying. This is not directed at you, personally, but is in response to the recent events. I have always tried to be compassionate to the women around me (cyberlife or real) who are on the IF journey. I have thought twice about posting my own BFPs for fear it would hurt someone else. I have wondered when pregnant and out with IF girls what am I supposed to do? Pretend I am not pregnant? Change the topic when someone asked me how I was feeling or when I was due or what the sex was so as not to hurt the IF women present? Never complain about my child's behavior? Truly I have tried to be compassionate. But my having a baby doesn't take away from anyone else. Our babies still deserve to be celebrated and rejoiced in. My getting pregnant does not take a baby away from someone else. It is not done to spite anyone. It is still a joyful, happy event that should be embraced and celebrated.

Did Megan come on a bit strong with the miracle business? Sure did. Does she overshare personal information in her posts and blog? Yep, probably so. But this woman came to a "babies" board to talk about her experience and her excitement. If she can't celebrate her baby on a babies board, where exactly can she do it? And for people to call her out over her usage of a word in her own freaking, personal blog is beyond the pale. Her own blog!

It is, imo, arrogant to ask an expectant mother on a babies board to tamp down on her joy over her baby because someone else sees her happiness as an affront to them. We do not ask musicians to stop playing a symphony because the deaf cannot hear it. We do not ask artists to stop painting because the blind cannot see them. To ask an expectant mother to curb her elation over her own baby because someone finds it offensive is, in my opinion, the height of selfishness. It says to that woman, "My pain is more important than your happiness." I'm sorry but that just isn't so. Her joy is just as important as their pain. And her baby should be celebrated as much as the baby of a woman who has journeyed the painful IF road.

I am so sorry that you and others have found themselves on a painful path. I will continue to hope and pray that each of you is given the opportunity to build your family in a way that will bring you joy and contentment. I will always welcome your all's input on any topic and I will continue to celebrate your successes with you.

Thank you....this is EXACTLY what I have been trying to say. I was going around and around in my head trying to figure out the right words, but couldn't get there as eloquently as you.

I agree. Very well written. Actually all the posts in this thread are well thought out and well written.

awinning · September 2010

Moesten:
Amanda, I will always welcome you here. You and any other woman in any stage of her journey as a mother. In my real life and on this board I have shed tears of happiness for you girls in your successes and have shed tears of sadness and my heart has broken at your losses and sadness. I have genuinely prayed for each of you to be blessed with your babies whether it be through the miracle of sex, the miracle of science, the miracle of adoption, the miracle of step-parenting, or any miracle.
Having said that, what I am about to write is probably going to be painful for you (or others) and might just get me crucified but so be it. I feel it needs saying. This is not directed at you, personally, but is in response to the recent events. I have always tried to be compassionate to the women around me (cyberlife or real) who are on the IF journey. I have thought twice about posting my own BFPs for fear it would hurt someone else. I have wondered when pregnant and out with IF girls what am I supposed to do? Pretend I am not pregnant? Change the topic when someone asked me how I was feeling or when I was due or what the sex was so as not to hurt the IF women present? Never complain about my child's behavior? Truly I have tried to be compassionate. But my having a baby doesn't take away from anyone else. Our babies still deserve to be celebrated and rejoiced in. My getting pregnant does not take a baby away from someone else. It is not done to spite anyone. It is still a joyful, happy event that should be embraced and celebrated.
Did Megan come on a bit strong with the miracle business? Sure did. Does she overshare personal information in her posts and blog? Yep, probably so. But this woman came to a "babies" board to talk about her experience and her excitement. If she can't celebrate her baby on a babies board, where exactly can she do it? And for people to call her out over her usage of a word in her own freaking, personal blog is beyond the pale. Her own blog!
It is, imo, arrogant to ask an expectant mother on a babies board to tamp down on her joy over her baby because someone else sees her happiness as an affront to them. We do not ask musicians to stop playing a symphony because the deaf cannot hear it. We do not ask artists to stop painting because the blind cannot see them. To ask an expectant mother to curb her elation over her own baby because someone finds it offensive is, in my opinion, the height of selfishness. It says to that woman, "My pain is more important than your happiness." I'm sorry but that just isn't so. Her joy is just as important as their pain. And her baby should be celebrated as much as the baby of a woman who has journeyed the painful IF road.
I am so sorry that you and others have found themselves on a painful path. I will continue to hope and pray that each of you is given the opportunity to build your family in a way that will bring you joy and contentment. I will always welcome your all's input on any topic and I will continue to celebrate your successes with you.

K- I totally respect everything you've said. I'm not trying to make this personal at all. I appreciate the fact that you are mindful and sensitive of others struggle. I feel like lots of people can learn a valuable lesson from that. Not everyone is mindful of other's situations or sensitive to it. I know for a fact that not that long ago I was one of those people. A lot has happened to shape me and help me grow, sometimes big slaps right in the face. I now try to be mindful and sensitive to other's situations.

I think that was part of the what the post was about last night. People want Megan to join our community but be a little more tactful, mindful and sensitive to what other people may be going through on the board.

I would never imply that my pain is more important than anyones happiness. I have said, and will say again, I am so happy for anyone that is expecting. I went back to work and loved that I was there celebrating new life just days after my painful loss. If that doesn't tell you how much I appreciate the blessings so many people are given, I'm not sure what will.

For me this wasn't about IF or loss. This was about showing tact and mindfulness of others situations. I'm not sure what else there is to say. I feel like I might be rambling a bit.

Mrs.Babbsy · September 2010

I agree I came on a bit strong and could have been nicer. I got caught in the moment. The more I typed the more I got heated so to speak. I was channeling my IF pre-baby self. It's tough. I should have sent a PM. So for that I am sorry.

I will DD if you like so no one else can see it.

I also don't have a strong belief in God either because of all the IF business, I have some bitterness. I have a hard time typing my lack of faith, but that being said I have a hard time giving anything up to the man. I guess you need to know that about me to see where things come from with me. God, miracles, I've come down to a science kind of girl these days. I can't believe I just typed that out, so real for me now. I have never told anyone that.

I've grown up in the church, married in a church, but now I don't want to even take my daughters into a church. So for me it hit a spot a pretty big one because I don't understand "the plan".

adamsbabble · September 2010

Mrs.Babbsy:

I agree I came on a bit strong and could have been nicer. I got caught in the moment. The more I typed the more I got heated so to speak. I was channeling my IF pre-baby self. It's tough. I should have sent a PM. So for that I am sorry.

I will DD if you like so no one else can see it.

I also don't have a strong belief in God either because of all the IF business, I have some bitterness. I have a hard time typing my lack of faith, but that being said I have a hard time giving anything up to the man. I guess you need to know that about me to see where things come from with me. God, miracles, I've come down to a science kind of girl these days. I can't believe I just typed that out, so real for me now. I have never told anyone that.

I've grown up in the church, married in a church, but now I don't want to even take my daughters into a church. So for me it hit a spot a pretty big one because I don't understand "the plan".

(((HUGS)))

I can understand what you mean when you say you were channeling your pre-baby self and I'm sure no one here can say that something hasn't gotten them heated before, leaving them to regret saying something or the way they said it. From everything I've ever seen from you in the past I would never believe you are the type of person out to hurt people's feelings or kick them while they are down. I understand now that you were just "heated" and it was very gracious of you to apologize.

adamsbabble · September 2010

awinning:

K- I totally respect everything you've said. I'm not trying to make this personal at all. I appreciate the fact that you are mindful and sensitive of others struggle. I feel like lots of people can learn a valuable lesson from that. Not everyone is mindful of other's situations or sensitive to it. I know for a fact that not that long ago I was one of those people. A lot has happened to shape me and help me grow, sometimes big slaps right in the face. I now try to be mindful and sensitive to other's situations.

I think that was part of the what the post was about last night. People want Megan to join our community but be a little more tactful, mindful and sensitive to what other people may be going through on the board.

I would never imply that my pain is more important than anyones happiness. I have said, and will say again, I am so happy for anyone that is expecting. I went back to work and loved that I was there celebrating new life just days after my painful loss. If that doesn't tell you how much I appreciate the blessings so many people are given, I'm not sure what will.

For me this wasn't about IF or loss. This was about showing tact and mindfulness of others situations. I'm not sure what else there is to say. I feel like I might be rambling a bit.

I don't think that Moesten's post (or any of them) are directed towards you specifically, and I think that we all appreciate your speaking up. I, for one, do.

I will say on your behalf that there is no way you are a selfish person
(and again, I don't think anyone here thinks that and I'm sure Moesten was speaking generally, not about you specifically). The passion you have for the work you do is proof of that, and ladies, I am someone who was lucky enough to have Amanda with me during labor. Even if only for a short time, it was a very tough time in my labor where I just wanted to give up. I am so thankful for the calm, supportive and genuinely caring person that she is. Whereas some nurses want to torture you and yell at you "LAY BACK!" and "BREATHE!" Amanda is hands off, calm and supportive. I don't think you can be trained in bedside manner. You have it or you don't. I have forgotten lots of things about my labor but I do remember coming out of a tough contraction and her simply reassuring me with her hand on my back... "You're doing good." I could feel that I had genuine care and support around me. She came back in to see me the next day and introduce herself (I didn't know when I was in labor that she was awinning) and congratulate me on my new baby, which she didn't have to do. I also ran into her at Dewey's just a few weeks ago, and she didn't hesitate to congratulate me then on my third pregnancy. Despite knowing the hard road she's been down, it wasn't awkward at all because I know she is a genuine person. I don't doubt for a second that it's hard to hear about BFP's and new babies, but I do believe she is genuinely happy for all of us and that's the example I think everyone should take. I hope that anytime I'm faced with the really tough stuff in life, I can remember your example of graciousness Amanda. Love you and praying for you always!

ETA: edited to fix all my typos and ramblings

KristenBtobe · September 2010

adamsbabble:
I don't think that Moesten's post (or any of them) are directed towards you specifically, and I think that we all appreciate your speaking up. I, for one, do.

I will say on your behalf that there is no way you are a selfish person
(and again, I don't think anyone here thinks that and I'm sure Moesten was speaking generally, not about you specifically). The passion you have for the work you do is proof of that, and ladies, I am someone who was lucky enough to have Amanda with me during labor. Even if only for a short time, it was a very tough time in my labor where I just wanted to give up. I am so thankful for the calm, supportive and genuinely caring person that she is. Whereas some nurses want to torture you and yell at you "LAY BACK!" and "BREATHE!" Amanda is hands off, calm and supportive. I don't think you can be trained in bedside manner. You have it or you don't. I have forgotten lots of things about my labor but I do remember coming out of a tough contraction and her simply reassuring me with her hand of my back... "You're doing good." I could feel that I had genuine care and support around me. She came back in to see me the next day and introduce herself (I didn't know when I was in labor that she was awinning) and congratulate me on my new baby, not to mention running into her at Dewey's just a few weeks ago, and she didn't hesitate to congratulate me then on my third pregnancy. Despite knowing the hard road she's been down, it wasn't awkward at all because I know she is a genuine person. I hope that anytime I'm faced with the really tough stuff in life, I can remember your example of graciousness Amanda. Love you and praying for you always!

Kessler, that is really sweet. Thanks for sharing.

addslove · September 2010

Mrs.Babbsy:

I also don't have a strong belief in God either because of all the IF business, I have some bitterness. I have a hard time typing my lack of faith, but that being said I have a hard time giving anything up to the man. I guess you need to know that about me to see where things come from with me. God, miracles, I've come down to a science kind of girl these days. I can't believe I just typed that out, so real for me now. I have never told anyone that.

I've grown up in the church, married in a church, but now I don't want to even take my daughters into a church. So for me it hit a spot a pretty big one because I don't understand "the plan".

Babbs...I experienced something similar over the past couple years. I "hung up on God" and pretty much told him to p*ss off because I was so bitter and thrown off by things that have happened over the past two years. I lost my faith when in retrospect, I needed it most. It's taken me some time, a lot of work, soul-searching, prayer and realizations to restore my faith in God. It was probably the most difficult thing I have been through and I doubted I would ever get over the anger. But I am getting there and I am so thankful. I still have some work to do but getting rid of that anger and bitterness towards God has done wonders for me...and my family.

I obviously haven't been through what you have and I won't even begin to make it seem like I can relate to your IF struggles. But I do know what it is like to lose faith in something you have believed in your whole life. It just plain s*cks. Anyway, I don't know what my point is other than I felt an overwhelming need to respond and commiserate.

awinning · September 2010

adamsbabble:
awinning:

K- I totally respect everything you've said. I'm not trying to make this personal at all. I appreciate the fact that you are mindful and sensitive of others struggle. I feel like lots of people can learn a valuable lesson from that. Not everyone is mindful of other's situations or sensitive to it. I know for a fact that not that long ago I was one of those people. A lot has happened to shape me and help me grow, sometimes big slaps right in the face. I now try to be mindful and sensitive to other's situations.

I think that was part of the what the post was about last night. People want Megan to join our community but be a little more tactful, mindful and sensitive to what other people may be going through on the board.

I would never imply that my pain is more important than anyones happiness. I have said, and will say again, I am so happy for anyone that is expecting. I went back to work and loved that I was there celebrating new life just days after my painful loss. If that doesn't tell you how much I appreciate the blessings so many people are given, I'm not sure what will.

For me this wasn't about IF or loss. This was about showing tact and mindfulness of others situations. I'm not sure what else there is to say. I feel like I might be rambling a bit.

I don't think that Moesten's post (or any of them) are directed towards you specifically, and I think that we all appreciate your speaking up. I, for one, do.

I will say on your behalf that there is no way you are a selfish person
(and again, I don't think anyone here thinks that and I'm sure Moesten was speaking generally, not about you specifically). The passion you have for the work you do is proof of that, and ladies, I am someone who was lucky enough to have Amanda with me during labor. Even if only for a short time, it was a very tough time in my labor where I just wanted to give up. I am so thankful for the calm, supportive and genuinely caring person that she is. Whereas some nurses want to torture you and yell at you "LAY BACK!" and "BREATHE!" Amanda is hands off, calm and supportive. I don't think you can be trained in bedside manner. You have it or you don't. I have forgotten lots of things about my labor but I do remember coming out of a tough contraction and her simply reassuring me with her hand on my back... "You're doing good." I could feel that I had genuine care and support around me. She came back in to see me the next day and introduce herself (I didn't know when I was in labor that she was awinning) and congratulate me on my new baby, which she didn't have to do. I also ran into her at Dewey's just a few weeks ago, and she didn't hesitate to congratulate me then on my third pregnancy. Despite knowing the hard road she's been down, it wasn't awkward at all because I know she is a genuine person. I don't doubt for a second that it's hard to hear about BFP's and new babies, but I do believe she is genuinely happy for all of us and that's the example I think everyone should take. I hope that anytime I'm faced with the really tough stuff in life, I can remember your example of graciousness Amanda. Love you and praying for you always!

ETA: edited to fix all my typos and ramblings

I am sobbing. Thank you for posting this. Love you too!

Mrs.Babbsy · September 2010

thanks:) I can't believe I "said" out loud, I kinda been faking it so to speak:) I will tell people thoughts and prayers, but i cringe as i type. I mean it in the sense I will send some vibezz and i am thinking about you, but I got nothing to say to God. I just think ppl are comforted by it. I don't want to seem like a bad person because I don't believe or lack of belief. I think I should get the girls baptized, but why? I feel wrong. I hate, hate when I hear "God's plan"

MelissaMc22 · September 2010

Babbs,

I just wanted to echo Kesslers post. You always have really great things to say on this board and I don't think anyone holds last nights post against you. If they do, then they are really missing out. You bring alot to this place!

buckeyethor · September 2010

wtf happened here this weekend?!?!

tpo1118 · September 2010

Sorry Ladies, but I think Awinning is my new favorite bumpie.

awinning · September 2010

tpo1118:
Sorry Ladies, but I think Awinning is my new favorite bumpie.

I love you!

awinning · September 2010

daves_sweetpea:
Aww, Babbs, I feel pretty much the same way about religion/god most of the time. Some stuff went down several years ago that really rocked me to the core & turned me away from the religion of my youth. I had to go to a church service this summer & came pretty close to a panic attack. It's ok if your beliefs change over time. I know my beliefs have changed but it's still hard to let go of that anger. I'm not there yet.
And Amanda-I am in awe that you can get that much satisfaction from your job. Please, send a little my way!

Not everyday is amazing. Some days are really awful, since after all I am dealing with people. But I come in after that awful *** and something during that shift makes me appreciate my job.

doodlebug914 · September 2010

I don't have anything to add. Everything about this post is heartfelt, rational, and supportive. Thank you for opening up and sharing, Amanda!!

Want a personalized experience?

Speaking up

Re: Speaking up

Choose Another Board

Search Boards