stupid me

Anniekins214 · September 2010

I had a pretty emotional day yesterday. When DD went to bed, I fixed myself a drink. It felt good to just be numb for a little bit. I kept drinking. Apparently, I had a complete breakdown last night, but I don't remember what I said. I don't remember crying. Dh is pretty upset and I have the hangover from Hell (which I deserve). I feel like a terrible wife and mother (DD was asleep when I was drinking, but I was too tired and nauseated to play with her this morning).

I know that alcohol is no way to solve my problems. I don't usually do this; the only time I've been like this was after my bachelorette party. I have to go to a baby shower in 3 hours; now I'm going to have to work extra hard to put on a happy face.

psumel13 · September 2010

I totally understand how you feel. Two nights ago, my girlfriends came over and we had a few drinks. I just wanted to be numb to the pain for awhile but in the end it didnt help! I hope that you feel better today and that we can all move forward from this! We are just very lucky we have our little ones. I cant imagine the pain others must feel! Hugs!!!

gone_awry · September 2010

Don't beat yourself up over it. You are grieving... it happens. I hope you feel better soon.

mammag66 · September 2010

You are human. Unless this becomes a habit, it is no big deal. I think you are allowed a little slack when you are dealing with something so awful. We have all done something similar. The week of my d&c I def. took a valium to try and be numb a bit. Sending you hugs.

rvandiver0705 · September 2010

Don't beat yourself up over this. You are human, and things like this happen. I hope you feel better soon.

jertie · September 2010

There is such a fine line with alcohol - isn't there? That just completely sucks and not remembering what you said is really crappy. Maybe it's good on some level because you had a chance to tell DH what's on your mind. Ask your DH to cut you some slack and maybe he can give you some clarification about what you said. Could be a good intro into a discussion with him. Cut yourself some slack too - I know, easier said than done - but you've experienced a loss - and it's not like you're pouring Bailey's in your Golden Grahams.

Anniekins214 · September 2010

I spoke to DH about what I said. He said I didn't say anything offensive, it was just hard to watch me flip out like that. I talked a lot about guilt.

I did alright at the baby shower; I tried focusing on how happy I am for my friend. I was successful most of the time. It was a little hard, because she is naming her baby the same name that Dh and I had always talked about naming a son. I've gotten through today without crying; bedtime is in 90 minutes. Maybe my breakdown took care of some of the things I've been thinking.

maddiemoon43 · September 2010

I just asked DH if he has set up an account and is posing as a woman from Florida. This was totally him last night. At least we can have a little laugh about it today, but it was hard to see him so upset last night, especially as he is usually the rational one, even if I did realize it was encouraged by the red wine.

I hope it was cathartic for both of you, and you and my DH are both over your hangovers soon.

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