Dad @ the shower??

younglove21 · September 2010

Just wanting opinions here....I would like my husband to be there @ the shower, and we can open the gifts together, but do not want a co-ed shower. Is this wierd? I just see it as a joint thing, b/c we are raising this baby together. Has anyone else done this?

katherine4 · September 2010

I think this is just fine and highly encourage it. My husband wants to come. My brother came to theirs. I think it's great. It's not a party for you. It's a party for the baby.

PunkyBooster · September 2010

Dh was at my first shower, since MIL threw it. It was a surprise and it was co-ed, so it made sense. I liked seeing him get the attention and I let him open all of the gifts since so much attention is heaped onto me right now.

For my shower next month- it's a ladies only affair and DH will not be attending.

elizjane26 · September 2010

My DH will not be attending my ladies only shower. Some people do it, but I think it's weird. JMO though.

tabcav · September 2010

I think it'll be fine. My DH will be with me at our showers. He likes to open the presents, too. Plus, cake and sherbert punch are two of his favorite foods!

Holler4dmb · September 2010

DH and our dads will be at my shower. My dad came to my SIL's shower and had so much fun taking pictures of Bro and SIL opening presents. He was beaming the whole time. So cute!

laurel22 · September 2010

Would ANY of his friends be invited, even if just female friends? It seems a little odd that he would be there for the entire shower if the only guests who were invited were your friends and family (although I'm guessing some of his female family and family friends will attend?)

My DH is stopping by at the end of my ladies-only showers, but he won't be attending the whole thing. He's planning to go out with a bunch of the guys who are SO's to the shower guests while the showers are going on.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · September 2010

I had a co-ed shower, it was a lot of fun.

Flumby · September 2010

laurel22:
My DH is stopping by at the end of my ladies-only showers, but he won't be attending the whole thing. He's planning to go out with a bunch of the guys who are SO's to the shower guests while the showers are going on.

Thats what my DH did, then he just came at the end to help load up the gifts and help with clean up.

alisonjoy80 · September 2010

My friend had a shower with just girls, then her husband came for the opening of gifts part only. He didn't want to be there for all the games anyway

ToBeWedJuly07 · September 2010

We are having mainly female friends and extended family but both of our immediate families will be attending the shower including the father to be. I've been to a few like that and wouldn't have it any other way. We wouldn't mind having a coed shower, but that is more of an expense for my mom who is throwing it. How can I not invite his own brother or father to his baby's shower... just my personal feeling and not to say its wrong for anyone else. I have favoriet guy cousins that I am close to more than some of my female cousins, but b/c they are male they are not allowed. it kid of sucks but oh well.

TColeman · September 2010

That is exactly how my shower was, DH was there for the gift opening, I wanted him there because I feel like it's OUR baby, he is a part of our LO....but it wasn't a coed shower. There were a few men there, a couple of his friends and one of my dad's friends stayed to keep him company. DH didn't do any games. Just gifts and food.

trombagn · September 2010

SO said that he would like to come but i just think its bc he is clueless

if he really wants to come thats fine bc this is a party for the baby but i would not make him or insist if he is uncomfortable

rhubarb123 · September 2010

It is weird for the DH/SO to be there during the whole shower. I've been to many where they come at the end to load up the gifts (and grab a piece of cake!). I went to a couple where they came just at gift opening time and helped with that. At one, most (if not all) of the women knew the dad-to-be so it didn't seem awkward at all. Plus, he is a fun-loving and very out-going type of guy so it was a lot of fun...especially some of the comments he made regarding some of the baby gear. The other one...not so much. The dad-to-be was not known by 90% of the women there and he looked and acted extremely uncomfortable (and the word extremely is an understatement). He opened gifts the same time the mom-to-be did and so half the stuff she didn't even see at the time. I think many of the women were disappointed that she didn't open the gifts. He basically just opened the gift, looked at it, and set it aside (no comments whatsoever).

If your DH is an extrovert and most of the women know him then have him join you at gift opening time. BTW...contrary to what some pps said...the shower is not for the baby...it for the mother even though the items are all used for the baby. It is to welcome the "mother" into the brethren of "motherhood".

8yearslater · September 2010

It depends on your personal social situation, I think. I don't have a pack of girlfriends that I've been "BFF" with since forever. With the exception of the people I work with (most of whom are men, anyway), all of my friends are our mutual friends and most are married. It seemed fake and forced for me to have a ladies-only shower since, quite frankly, I'm uncomfortable around large groups of women, particularly when they're gathered solely for the reason that they are women.

Fearing that I'd have to have a "girls night" sorta thing, I said I didn't want a shower, but our families insisted and we had a co-ed party focused on the baby, as a pre-welcoming thing for our friends and really, really large extended family who aparently really really wanted to do this.

I understand what rhubarb says about welcoming the mother into the brethern of "motherhood" but quite honestly, I don't want to be part of their clique, and what about my husband? He doesn't get welcomed into the brethern of fatherhood? Or is he supposed to be sitting in the living room in his smoking jacket, chomping on a cigar while I vacuum in high heels and prepare his dinner while tending to the woman's work of raising his child? It seems antiquated and untrue to the partnership my husband and I have.

But like I said, that's me. I'm an anti-girlie girl. I think all copies of Sex and the City should be burned and I believe that if a woman hits a man, he can hit back (with equal force). You may feel different. Do what's right for you.

That said, I'll stand firm on my belief that any father-to-be who wants no part of the celebration of preparation for his child has no business being a father. And any woman who intentionally excludes her husband/father of her child on the priciple of "what tradition says" had better get used to being a single mom-- if not legally through divorce, at least in practice. "Tradition" isn't going to keep your marriage/partnership together if you let other people's opinions from the time of antiquity inform the decisions that should be jointly made between individuals.

mommabird77 · September 2010

My DH came to my shower. We had both sides of the family at one shower, so it made sense for him to be there.

puterbaby · September 2010

My shower started out as ladies only, but my cousin's wife cancelled and asked if my cousin could go in her place. I was fine with it, he's my cousin after all, and we're close. So, to make it a little less akward, my husband came too. It was great having him there. He helped me open presents and it was just a nice day for us to share together. My family and friends are pretty casual, so the whole thing was a non-issue.

Etchylee · September 2010

I think it is a great idea. He helped create LO so he should have some fun opening gifts too. My husband will be at ours whenever the time comes.

superaunt · September 2010

Since he's the dad and if it's what he wants, why not? DH attended my one and only shower, there were no other men, and none of the ladies melted or anything.

krista613 · September 2010

im having a shower when i am in MA next month, and my husband will be there for part of it because he's been in iraq for a year so he'll be greeting my family and all that.

but my shower out here with all my friends? yeah he wont be there.

mysticporter · September 2010

We had co-ed. I'm definitely in the 'to each their own' camp, but if the dynamic is a women only event, I do find it odd to have the husband there. Generally when I've seen it, the husband ends up pretty much just being on the spot and on the receiving end of a lot of good natured ribbing about changing diapers, etc., and that's about it (Not that Mom-to-be doesn't get ribbed, too, just seems to be worse.) I guess when Dad-to-be is the only man there, it's not like he's a part of the party, sometimes, more like an accessory (if that makes any sense).

3sthelimit · September 2010

My husband is going, his guy friends and brothers declined but my young uncle is going too so they can entertain each other... Invite whoever you like!

octbride1234 · September 2010

I don't think it is weird at all. I think anything goes these days and it is up to you on how you want it. At my shower, my husband, father, father in law and brothers were there. I feel like it is a celebration and I wanted them to be part of it. Of course they did not sit in the room through out the whole thing and that was ok, I was just happy to have them there and part of it.

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