sometimes I feel like I'm going to be such an incompetent mom =(

starlettedir · September 2010

I'm a really relaxed person that doesn't stress/freak out much. I also don't worry to much. The only time I do is with work related stuff. I'm typically a come as you go kind of person and I figure it out in the moment.

Lots of posts on the national boards make me feel SO far behind and/or like a slacker of a mom.

~I don't have lists going of what I need to do from this very moment until the day the kiddo turns 18.

~I haven't given one thought to what she'll wear when she'll come home. Apparently this is something people have been stressing over for months.

~I haven't switched our detergent to some all natural stuff and have been using that for months.

~I plan on returning to work after 8 weeks and/or I'm returning to work.

~I haven't taken one bump pic.

~I don't take weekly measurements of myself. I don't keep track of kicks. My doc said this was silly and not to worry about it. If I feel her move throughout the day I'm ok.

~The things go on and on.....and on of what I have or haven't done.

I'm I just that much of a slacker?

Kimmer123 · September 2010

Good lord you're not a slacker and you're not going to be an incompetent mom!

When you look at the national boards (and even sometimes here) you can come up with a million and a half things that up until you read it, you had no idea existed and wouldn't have missed. It was kind of like that for me when I was planning my wedding too. I read stuff on the Knot/Nest/Bump that I never in a million years would have even thought about it to miss it.

You do what is right for you, DH and your baby. It doesn't matter that some loon on the Bump bought a going home outfit for her baby the day after she got a BFP or someone else is teaching their baby French, German and Mandarin in the womb. It's totally normal to read that stuff and feel like you're a slacker or going to be a sub-par mother. But then you have to remind yourself that you're not them, they're not living your life, and you will ultimately make decisions that work best for your family.

Plus, I'm convinced that 3/4 of those girls are either BSC, lying, men or a combination of all three.

ETA: I bought one bottle of Tide Free (like the 100oz bottle) and washed G's clothes/bedding/blankets in that until it was gone. I got through all of his initial laundry and maybe up until he was 6 weeks old? That was the last time I bought special detergent for him. He never seemed to have any sensitivity to our detergent, so he was demoted to regular old Tide by 6 weeks. He pulled through ok, I wouldn't stress about it

melissa0312 · September 2010

you aren't a slacker. You're just laid back. Switch to the dye free fragrance free detergent when you feel like it and let the rest happen on it's own.

starlettedir · September 2010

Kimmer123:

Good lord you're not a slacker and you're not going to be an incompetent mom!

When you look at the national boards (and even sometimes here) you can come up with a million and a half things that up until you read it, you had no idea existed and wouldn't have missed. It was kind of like that for me when I was planning my wedding too. I read stuff on the Knot/Nest/Bump that I never in a million years would have even thought about it to miss it.

You do what is right for you, DH and your baby. It doesn't matter that some loon on the Bump bought a going home outfit for her baby the day after she got a BFP or someone else is teaching their baby French, German and Mandarin in the womb. It's totally normal to read that stuff and feel like you're a slacker or going to be a sub-par mother. But then you have to remind yourself that you're not them, they're not living your life, and you will ultimately make decisions that work best for your family.

Plus, I'm convinced that 3/4 of those girls are either BSC, lying, men or a combination of all three.

LOL you said exactly what I think in my head on about a million of those posts.

I'm always like WTF do you people do all day?! That you have time for all this!

Kimmer123 · September 2010

starlettedir:

LOL you said exactly what I think in my head on about a million of those posts.

I'm always like WTF do you people do all day?! That you have time for all this!

When I was pg with G I was working, but out of a 40 hour work week I had maybe 10 hours of actual work to do. I had A LOT of time on my hands to obsess over baby stuff. Those girls made me look and feel like someone from an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". I felt completely unprepared and incompetent. But I honestly believe that most of them are crazy or lying. Probably both.

Weezers · September 2010

National boards are crazy. You're going to be great!

melissa0312 · September 2010

Weezers:
National boards are crazy. You're going to be great!

ditto this!

JamicanBride · September 2010

Are you kidding? The fact that you aren't stressing over these things will probably make you a much better mom (than you think you are going to be - if that makes senses?). You aren't focused on flashiness of being a mom, you will just be a good mom. And the fact that you are a relaxed person already puts you ahead of the crowd in my book.

Quizzle · September 2010

I was the same way. It's fine

We use a free and clear detergent, but we have for years (we switched when DH was having some allergy issues and we thought it could be detergent-related). So I don't feel it's special when it's just All. (Now granted, I'm considering switching us to something more natural now, but that's because I am being obsessive about my cloth diapers.)

We talked vaguely about coming home outfits. Then a few days before we went in for my c-section, we tossed something in the hospital bag.

I didn't take a single bump picture until 10 days before she was due! Yeah, total slacker. Again, something we kept talking about and never did.

I'd be back at work now if I had a job! And I didn't count kicks or anything.

You're laid back. I'm totally laid back. I don't understand people who change their baby every time they spit up. It's a baby. So long as they're not coating themselves in puke or spit up, I just wipe her off. The first time we left the baby with somebody (my in-laws) my HUSBAND was the one who called home to check on her and make sure they knew how to warm up the bottle. I was like 'They've had kids, and your sister is there too!'

It'll all be fine

BritanyV · September 2010

The only things on your list I did was:

~I took bump pics at least once a month, sometimes once a week, with ds.

~We use a free & clear detergent anyway because I'm allergic to all the other stuff. So I didn't actually change anything here.

I didn't even take a birthing class or any other class either!

I was pretty laid back and still pretty much am. For example, DS was climbing chairs in the waiting room at Lab Corp, while I was waiting to get some bloodwork done. I kept telling him to get down because he could fall, but of course he didn't listen and I wasn't in the mood for a fight, he was also entertaining the rest of the people in the waiting room. The intake lady *gasped* when she saw what he was doing and pointed at him like I needed to do something quick before he got hurt. I just turned and kind of laughed. He's all boy, what can I say? lol

Nanner · September 2010

JamicanBride:
Are you kidding? The fact that you aren't stressing over these things will probably make you a much better mom (than you think you are going to be - if that makes senses?). You aren't focused on flashiness of being a mom, you will just be a good mom. And the fact that you are a relaxed person already puts you ahead of the crowd in my book.

Totally agree! That crap is just fluff, not motherhood.

ETA: Although I will agree that fragrance-free, dye-free detergent is a good idea. But you don't have to buy special for her. I just switched to All Free and used it for all of us.

Cajun_gal · September 2010

I think most of that stuff is BS, but I would consider washing your baby's stuff in dye-free, fragrance-free detergent (All Free and Clear or the like). Dylan's stuff has to be washed in that type of detergent and no fabric softener (even fragrance free) or his face really breaks out.

chrisbride04 · September 2010

I didn't do any of those things except the detergent, which we already used most of the time anyway due to my allergies. I think the more laid back you are the better mom you'll be.

I went back to work at 8 weeks too. It was hard, but what we needed to do for our family at the time.

KellyMichelle · September 2010

You are not a slacker at all. Some people just go more overboard than others. With that said, please take some form of pregnancy pictures. I do not have a single picture of myself pregnant and I cannot tell you how much I wish that I did. I wish that I had something to look back on to remember what I looked like pregnant and for my son to see.

starlettedir · September 2010

KellyMichelle:
You are not a slacker at all. Some people just go more overboard than others. With that said, please take some form of pregnancy pictures. I do not have a single picture of myself pregnant and I cannot tell you how much I wish that I did. I wish that I had something to look back on to remember what I looked like pregnant and for my son to see.

I'm not a picture person to begin with. I don't have any desire to have pics of me PG. I'm pretty positive it's something I won't regret.

Thanks gals!

TexasPaige · September 2010

You sound totally normal to me! I think being a relaxed person will help you not obsess over the tiniest things when the baby gets here.

I find that I cannot keep from comparing myself to other moms and my son to other kids. I just try to keep my head on straight and realize that I am doing the best I can, and my son is absolutely who he's meant to be.

AggieDee · September 2010

starlettedir:

KellyMichelle:
You are not a slacker at all. Some people just go more overboard than others. With that said, please take some form of pregnancy pictures. I do not have a single picture of myself pregnant and I cannot tell you how much I wish that I did. I wish that I had something to look back on to remember what I looked like pregnant and for my son to see.

I'm not a picture person to begin with. I don't have any desire to have pics of me PG. I'm pretty positive it's something I won't regret.

Thanks gals!

I don't have a single pregnant pic of myself and I am totally cool with that. My mom doesn't have any pics of her self pregnant either and I could care less.

Coming home outfit - I threw some pajamas into my bag at the last minute for my son. And for my daughter, I packed 3 pairs of pjs and she pooped on one, peed on one and spit up on the last pair. So, she just went home in the hospital tee and a diaper - didn't bother me one bit.

I have never understood why people stress so much over these things.

My philosophy - just sit back and enjoy the ride.

But then again, I am a SUPER laid back parent.

CallMeKel · September 2010

I find that I cannot keep from comparing myself to other moms and my son to other kids. I just try to keep my head on straight and realize that I am doing the best I can, and my son is absolutely who he's meant to be.

I so agree with this sentiment! It's almost like it's expected of a person that as a new mom they be over-protective worry-warts. Drives me crazy! Like I'll see babies all bundled up in 3 different blankets in a long sleeved sleeper being pushed around a store in the heat of the summer and just think WTF?! And then these moms that bring a huge diaper bag arsenal of anything and everything under the sun with them everywhere even when their kid is two or three (I carried only a couple diapers, a little thing of wipes and a snack after about age 1--and I often left it in my car to just grab as needed). I could go on and on. Sometimes it seems like it's almost the norm to over-parent.

Don't sweat it, star, and try not to compare yourself with others and just focus on what works best for you. You'll find your way!

step2mom2010 · September 2010

starlettedir:

I'm a really relaxed person that doesn't stress/freak out much. I also don't worry to much. The only time I do is with work related stuff. I'm typically a come as you go kind of person and I figure it out in the moment. Ditto this. I am pretty laid back, I didn't obsess about a few things but took your approach of "figure it out in the moment"

Lots of posts on the national boards make me feel SO far behind and/or like a slacker of a mom.

~I don't have lists going of what I need to do from this very moment until the day the kiddo turns 18. You have enough on your plate! Who cares what the kiddo is going to do from today till they turn 18! You have more than enough time to figure that all out. Day by day.

~I haven't given one thought to what she'll wear when she'll come home. Apparently this is something people have been stressing over for months. I bought his outfit 5 days prior only because I didn't like anything i already had from showers.

~I haven't switched our detergent to some all natural stuff and have been using that for months. I bought one bottle of the Drift, and then decided it wasn't worth it. We all use "All Free" it is great, easy, and I can wash everyone's clothes together.

~I plan on returning to work after 8 weeks and/or I'm returning to work. I am at work, and it was great to return! I enjoy my job. Yes I am not with my little man all the time, but I like what I do.

~I haven't taken one bump pic. I took some only because I wanted them for my book. Dont worry about any one else! If you dont want them, dont take them.

~I don't take weekly measurements of myself. I don't keep track of kicks. My doc said this was silly and not to worry about it. If I feel her move throughout the day I'm ok. I never took measurements of myself. The doctor can do that!

~The things go on and on.....and on of what I have or haven't done.

I'm I just that much of a slacker?

I also didn't have his room completed till after he came home! I was expecting to be induced on July 6th and he came on the 3rd. We were planning to finish the room, hang pictures, and so forth Saturday - instead we had a baby, and that was WAY more fun than fixing a room.

The national boards are crazy! Stay away, far far away. You are doing great.

cali_girl92504 · September 2010

starlettedir:
I'm a really relaxed person that doesn't stress/freak out much. I also don't worry to much. The only time I do is with work related stuff. I'm typically a come as you go kind of person and I figure it out in the moment.

Lots of posts on the national boards make me feel SO far behind and/or like a slacker of a mom.

~I don't have lists going of what I need to do from this very moment until the day the kiddo turns 18. - me neither...still don't have lists

~I haven't given one thought to what she'll wear when she'll come home. Apparently this is something people have been stressing over for months. - I had DH do it and he randomly picked an outfit at BRU - which she didn't get to wear because it was freakishly cold that day in March.

~I haven't switched our detergent to some all natural stuff and have been using that for months. - nope, I bought All Free and Clear for her stuff and her stuff only

~I plan on returning to work after 8 weeks and/or I'm returning to work. - I went back after 12 weeks but that's a luxury not everyone has

~I haven't taken one bump pic. - I didn't them regularly or with the same clothes/backdrop like some people so I didn't think I was too extreme here

~I don't take weekly measurements of myself. I don't keep track of kicks. My doc said this was silly and not to worry about it. If I feel her move throughout the day I'm ok. - I didn't either and I didn't feel her move until like 23 or 24 weeks because of an anterior placenta

~The things go on and on.....and on of what I have or haven't done.

I'm I just that much of a slacker?

Then I'm incompetent too because I didn't do the highlighted stuff. Some people go a little overboard with things - just like with weddings, 1st birthday parties, etc. To each their own. It doesn't make one way right or better than another. You'll be a great mom because you will love and nurture your kid and do the best you can and that is all anyone can ask.

jlmarshall · September 2010

You should make R-dog a "bump" and make him be your stand in for bump pictures...

I'll echo the sentiment that none of that stuff makes you a good mom...it just makes you feel like an under achiever when you read it!

OSUx2 · September 2010

I was just as "bad" as you so apparently we are both incompetent. Don't worry and don't stress about it. Heck I think I have opened DD's baby book only once to put in things. You are going to be a fabulous mom!