Withholding gender to avoid receiving clothes at shower????

Ms.Jade · August 2010

Have you heard of this? My sis is helping plan a shower and the mom-to-be is doing this.

I understand that some people have a problem with receiving lots of cute clothes instead of other things they actually need. Plus clothes can be relatively cheap gifts.

I like to lurk on this board and wondered what you ladies thought.

watermellens · August 2010

I think if that's the case, people will buy you really cute green and yellow clothes.

I've never heard of this!

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2010

It's the parents' right to not tell but I think the reason is a little odd. Not telling because you want everyone to be surprised is one thing, but not telling because you want to control the gifts you receive? A bit ridiculous IMO.

TColeman · August 2010

Mrs.B6302007:
It's the parents' right to not tell but I think the reason is a little odd. Not telling because you want everyone to be surprised is one thing, but not telling because you want to control the gifts you receive? A bit ridiculous IMO.

THIS

The reason behind not telling what it is is strange to me. I didn't register for any baby clothes yet I received tons of them, people like buying baby clothes, they will probably get them regardless.

RoxyLynn · August 2010

Ms.Jade:

I understand that some people have a problem with receiving lots of cute clothes instead of other things they actually need. Plus clothes can be relatively cheap gifts.

That sounds manipulative and like you're trying to shake down your guests. People who want to buy clothes will buy clothes, people who don't use registries will continue to not use registries, and people who like to shop from registries will find out where you're registered.

holiday819 · August 2010

Ms.Jade:
Have you heard of this? My sis is helping plan a shower and the mom-to-be is doing this.
I understand that some people have a problem with receiving lots of cute clothes instead of other things they actually need. Plus clothes can be relatively cheap gifts.
I like to lurk on this board and wondered what you ladies thought.

I haven't heard of anyone doing that but it does make sense because people love to buy baby clothes but who can blame them they are so cute! i get if the mom to be is worried about getting too many clothes in the wrong size or in just one size. but generally withholding gender isn't going to stop people from buying clothes. just tell your sis to let mom to be know that she's probably going to get clothes and it would just be easier if everyone knew what she was having and to include gift receipts so if she gets too many she can return and get bigger sizes or items that they might need.

little_stars · August 2010

I know a girl who did something similar and she ended up with super cutesy girl clothes AND boy clothes. The people who would normally buy something super gender specific not from the registry did it anyway, they just bought one outfit for each gender or picked whichever one they found the cutest clothes for. I hope they included gift receipts! Just one example of how that plan can backfire.

LWmom · August 2010

It doesn't matter if they withhold the gender or not because people will still buy clothes. As the parents it is their responsibility to provide all of the baby equipment, furniture, etc. for their child. Any gift is just that, a gift. I didn't register for clothes and still received them for my shower. If they weren't my style or season appropriate they were donated to a good cause. They should be grateful that someone is being kind enough to throw them a shower in the first place.

OctGirl80 · August 2010

I knew someone who didn't want to announce the gender before her shower because she hated pink and didn't want a ton of pink clothes for the baby if it was a girl. She ended up having a boy, but I would be grateful that people were willing to buy me the clothes in the first place.

People will always buy tons of clothes. There's no way around it. It will just be neutral instead of either pink or blue.

CourtneyR2N · August 2010

You can't control what people will buy you. It is totally her choice to not tell people, but I think the reason is ridiculous as well. People love to buy baby stuff, and they really like to buy baby clothes.

I have received a ton of clothes and blankets and the items that I don't think I will be able to use I have kept in the packaging and will most likely be giving out to other's that have babies in the future.

There are ways to make everything you get work for you and the baby, and I think the mother-to-be is being a little selfish and controling.

dehsignz · August 2010

We don't know gender because we don't want to and want the surprise at the birth. I have realized that this might be a nice side effect of not just getting 50 cute dress or 50 cute tshirts/shorts. However, not telling just for this reason does sound tacky.

The shower is a beautiful gesture your family & friends do for you because they care and love you. They are not to be expected and not to be dictated as to exactly what you expect everyone to bring. As parents it is our responsibility to provide all that we will need for the baby - shower or not.

PunkyBooster · August 2010

Mrs.B6302007:
It's the parents' right to not tell but I think the reason is a little odd. Not telling because you want everyone to be surprised is one thing, but not telling because you want to control the gifts you receive? A bit ridiculous IMO.

I agree. We don't know what we are having (and are letting the LO surprise us) and my MIL has already said she buys boys and girls clothes at every sale she sees.

aleana18 · August 2010

We announced the sex of our baby at our shower, but it wasn't because we didn't want clothes, it was just something we wanted to do. I think our guests were a little clueless though, because with all the pink and purple decorations people still asked if that ment we were having a girl. We also got some boy clothes, some girl clothes, and some gender neutral so it really didn't stop people from buying clothes.

puterbaby · August 2010

I'm not sure why receiving clothes at a baby shower is such a big deal. You need to dress your baby, just as you need to bath him/her, diaper, etc. I was so relieved to get clothes at my shower and I was overwhelmed by everyone's generosity.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · August 2010

Hope she likes green and yellow.

clabrecque · August 2010

I'm actually thinking of doing this, especially if I find out I'm having a girl. Mostly because if you're having a boy, you get blue, green, orange, yellow, etc. But with girls, the majority of clothes are pink and purple. I don't have a problem with those colors, I just don't want her (if the baby is a her) to have almost all pink or purple clothes in her closet. It's nothing to do with, or little to do with, just getting clothes at the shower. It's basically just about the colors

mb1210 · August 2010

maryellen21:

I think if that's the case, people will buy you really cute green and yellow clothes.

I've never heard of this!

Exactly.

dalfaro · August 2010

We didn't tell the gender of our first baby because we wanted it to be a surprise but just couldn't wait to find out. So we knew the gender but waited until she was born to announce the gender and name to everyone else. However, I do think if we had announced that we were having a girl we would have got a ton of girl clothes and therefore not as many of the things we really needed. I registered for a couple packs of white onesies and neutral pants so if someone wanted to get clothes they would see we were going gender neutral. We did received some gender neutral clothes which was good because I can reuse them with my boy this time around. I don't think it's a great idea to not tell the gender for the sole reason of getting clothes but I do think you will get less clothes if you don't announce the gender.

KSME924 · August 2010

We're team green and got a fraction of the clothes I have seen at showers I have attended and received probably 97% of the baby items or gear we registered for. But we also got a crazy amount of blankets.

But saying all of that, the idea of keeping the sex of the baby a secret always rubbed me the wrong way.

scott&kim · September 2010

We didn't tell ANYONE, not family or friends what we were having until after our baby shower. We had our shower in early November and waited until Thanksgiving with the families to make the announcement of gender. But we really did this to save on tons of PINK, PINK, PINK. We selected gender neutral items on our registry and we did get a couple of really nice green/yellow items.

kesrya · September 2010

I would have agreed with the green and yellow sentiment, until I went baby clothes shopping during my state's sales tax free week before I knew we were having a boy. I went to every store in the largest mall in the state - each store had one gender neutral clothing item. Some stores had none - the entire Carter's store was separated into boys and girls and there wasn't a single item in there that could pass - even the non pink and blue items had embroidered cars or princesses on them.

So actually, I think it will likely decrease the number of clothing she gets.

Personally, I would be less passive aggressive and just include a line on the invitation stating that we have already been gifted a large amount of clothing and politely request not to receive more. I'm the type of person who HATES wasting the money I spend on someone's gift by purchasing them something they don't want or need - so if I knew someone already had enough of something, I would appreciate the polite heads up and get them something else.

beeunit · September 2010

DH's aunt did this, and for that reason exactly. She didn't want a bunch of clothes. She announced that she was having a boy, and what she was naming him at the shower. While I don't hate this idea, I still think it's harder to pull off then it sounds. If you're having a girl, don't you want to register for more "girl specific" bedding, or Boppy's, or bibs, or pacifiers, or whatever? Personally, it would be hard for me knowing what I was having, and trying to register for gender neutral everything. That's part of the fun of decorating and getting ready when you know the sex.

3sthelimit · September 2010

I agree with other posters- what you will end up with is green and yellow neutral clothes and blankets... Those are the "fun" cute things to buy that's why everyone does this. the only thing you can really do is ask the hostess to mention to guests that other sizes are appreciated aside from the coveted 0-3 months that way you have more than the first couple of months covered. Not disclosing the gender is not going to push people to spend more money, folks buy what they want, and as you teach your kids at christmas- smile and say thanks is all you can do. Even if you really needed other things. Otherwise keep the tags on and return some of the clothes and put that towards other things. good luck

Withholding gender to avoid receiving clothes at shower????

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