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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Really interesting article about child development
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200411/nation-wimps
It talks about how we are raising a nation of wimps because of way overprotective parenting.
As a high school (psychology) teacher in a very well to do, high-achieving area, and a mother who just took 10 months off to spend time with her son... I totally agree with this article.
BTW David Elkind is a big deal in the Psychology world. He studied under Jean Piaget... THE guru of child psychology.
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Re: Really interesting article about child development
As a school psychologist I think you would know that the more secure attachment children have today is only benefiting them in the long run. We are seeing less unsecure, avoidance and ambivalent attachments.
In very recent history (think of how long humans actually go back) you also have children who are attending school instead of farming, etc. Does this mean that we should go back to the way things were? No. With research we advance and with advancement circumstances change - such as parenting styles.
Also the rise in mental disease since 1988 is because we know more about mental illness than we did in earlier years. I laughed at the comment made by the Cornell student which stated, "Kids are constantly talking to parents" as if it were a bad thing. There are several articles stating the benefits of communicating with your child.
Does the article have a few good points? Eh, maybe. Overall I found this article very eyeroll-worthy.
Obviously I disagree. I work at a high school and DH works at a major university and is privy to a lot of the information mentioned in the article... so I guess we are coming into this with different viewpoints.
This article is not talking about secure attachments.... it is really touching on insecure attachments caused by overbearing parenting styles.
As a part of the school system, I can tell you, first-hand, how many "helicopter" parents there are out there. They are constantly trying to fight their kids' battles for them rather than letting the child work it out on his/her own and jumping in if absolutely necessary. They blame poor grades and missing homework assignments on the teachers rather than on the children. (Obviously not all parents are like this, but a good deal are).
The amount of IEPs and specialized educational plans that I get each year for student who do not truly need them is mind boggling. Parents want their children to have an "edge" so taking untimed tests, and getting modifications and extended time on assignments when not really necessary gives them a boost over their classmates.
I have seen this attitude crop up many times on The Bump also... where parents talk about how they are on the floor playing with their kids all the time. Of course they need a lot of love and attention, but babies also need to learn how to do play independently too. We need a safe and secure environment for our little ones, but if we baby proof every single aspect of our home, how will they ever learn right from wrong and how to navigate a world that is not tailored to meet their exact needs?
I am all for parents advocating for their children, but there needs to be a line. Kids need to learn how to fall down so they can pick themselves back up again. If their parents are there to catch them before they fall every single time, how will they ever learn?
You do understand that Psychology Today is a popular magazine and not a scholarly journal, right? He doesn't need to quote sources in that medium any more than Cosmo needs to quote sources in an article about hot fall fashion. I imagine if you checked The American Journal of Psychology, you would find that this guy has documented ample original research and secondary source material to back up his claims.
Not that that means you have to agree with what he's saying, but a lack of footnotes in this case mean nothing at all.
What she said. As a teacher in a very affluent school, I eye-roll most of our helicopter parents. And for the ones who still have umbilical cords attached to dear little Johnny, it actually makes me start not liking the child for not growing a backbone.
I completely agree about testing. In our district 104 elementary students are granted 504 plans a year, 130 middle schoolers, and near 300 high school students. So...really? That many fell through the cracks? Or that many want extra time on the SAT. Hmmm....
Amen!
Kids need to learn problem-solving and coping skills on their own! The "helicopter parents" today coddle their kids too much for their own good. Kids need to learn to fail and make their own decisions. You can't micromanage their every move end expect them to become independent and productive members of soceity.
On another note... beautiful pictures of your girls!
I think there's a big difference between attachment, as in attachment parenting, and helicopter parenting!
My husband has actually had to go to meetings where helicopter parenting is discussed because they're dealing with it in their multi-national company with new hires out of college. Parents are calling when they don't get jobs or when they have issues at work. It's crazy!
I heard the other day about a parent who stayed in their kids dorm room when they brought them to college until the roommate kicked him/her out. My parents left me at a pancake breakfast (although she says she cried the entire 5 1/2 hours home).
My hope is that by the time our kids are older, we as parents have relaxed a bit, but I'm sure that won't be the case. I belong to a local moms group and one of the moms with an 18 year old is already starting to plan out his team sports start-up schedule.
Sure, there are things I'll do differently, like her wear a helmet on bikes and not let her go ride her bike all over a huge neighborhood for as long as she wants when she's in elementary school, but I plan on being reasonable.
I don't think this is referring to attachment parenting-- more like the kinds of attachments we form to our parents as a result of their parenting styles... but that is just my interpretation.
Totally true in my school. Parents and wimpy kids are making it hard for me to stay in independent schools. I find myself wishing for my old inner city kids whose parents didn't give two sh!ts about them...and that is sad, but in a lot of ways, it was an easier job as I was only accountable to the kids.
I do think it's been interesting to see the backlash of parents of my generation now. I think we tend to be a little tougher and less hands-on sometimes, because we've seen the effects of the opposite parenting style. I know that, while I certainly love and help my kid when she needs it, I make a conscious effort to let her try things on her own and if she fails, I don't swoop in and rescue. I don't want to raise a wimpy kid.
Another thing I've read a lot about is how parents (mostly of boys, but sometimes of girls) are holding their kids back a year so they'll be bigger and thus the best in sports and academics. This follows up on the Malcolm Gladwell (at least I think it was Malcolm Gladwell) analysis of professional sports players and how some disproportionate number of them had birthdays right after the grade age cutoffs, so they were the oldest and biggest in their class and sports leagues. That early advantage followed them through their whole lives. I don't want to play that game with my kids, but it does worry me that she'll be at a disadvantage just because she doesn't have any special advantage - with extra testing time or being held back a year, etc.
I wonder when it stopped being okay to be average.. you know?
Amen. The redshirting thing really drives me crazy. People around me (affluent, high achieving area) are starting to hold back kids (esp boys) with SPRING birthdays with a September 1 cut off because everyone before them got so crazy about holding back summer and fall birthday kids, so now the spring birthday kids are the "youngest." FFS, SOMEONE has to be the youngest and someone has to be the oldest. I find it REALLY hard to believe that all of these kids are truly not ready for Kindergarten. There is no way.
But it starts early. Nearly every kid I know has been evaluated by Early Intervention. NO WAY are all of these kids truly delayed. People call EI when their 12 month old doesn't have 5 words, or their 10 month old isn't crawling yet, or their 15 month old isn't walking. Yes, of course sometimes there are truly issues where therapies are necessary and important, but I think A LOT of the time the kids are just developing at their own pace and pediatricians are covering their asses and giving in to anxious parents by just referring to EI at the drop of a hat.
Think about all the people on here who are scared to leave their child with a non-family babysitter, and never, ever have a date night with their husband or time away from their children. There are PLENTY.
1. It's annoying when people use pop psychology to justify not wanting to play with their kids. I play with my kid ALL the time, and it has nothing to do with "helicopter parenting". If you are a SAHM with one child, you are the primary source of social interaction.
2. I was raised by very non-helicopter parents, and yet I still had an eating disorder and total lack of ambition straight out of high school, then became a high achiever obsessed with grades in college. There is way more to that then just parenting style. There is something cultural affecting teenagers' outlook on life.
3. I call my mom every day.
4. I would hold my kid back if I thought he was too emotionally immature for kindergarten. There was a recent study showing that kids who were close to the cutoff date and went to school early were significantly more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers vs. the children whose birthdays were just days later and missed the cutoff. No thanks.
ETA:
5. Nostalgia is a waste of time. There is no such thing as the good old days where kids were tough and parents were doing things "right". Every generation thinks the next one is going to hell.