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DH having trouble "finishing" while TTC-sorry TMI

hoosierbaby76hoosierbaby76 member
in Trying to Get Pregnant

We've been TTC since January and at first I hid it from DH so that he wasnt so worried about it.  Now he knows when I ovulate or there abouts because I want to have sex everyother day.  The problem is, he over thinks the whole thing and puts to much pressure on himself to "finish" and then can't.  How can I fix this or help him to relax?

Second, if we doesn't "finish", do we even have a prayer to get pg?  Is there enough sperm in "pre-ejac" to work?  We are getting ready to start IUI cycle #2 and hopefully that will give me at least one chance, but the days leading up to IUI and after, DH hasnt been able to "finish".  Ugggg.... so frustrating!

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Re: DH having trouble "finishing" while TTC-sorry TMI

  • HereToday09HereToday09
    Well, people get pregnant all the time using the pull-out method, but I'm assuming that more ejac ups your chances.
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  • alison2379alison2379 member

    My suggestion would be to have sex more frequently through the course of the month, so it's not as intense on the days around when you ovulate. I'd also maybe stop sharing when he's needed to perform? I don't know, but it seems like it also might take some of the pressure off. If he just is used to more regular sex, I feel like the potential for over thinking might be reduced.

    I hope that helps. Good luck!

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  • singaporeorchidsingaporeorchid member
    My DH has had some similar problems ,so I just try not push sex on certain days of work stress and such. And having sex throughout the month not just for his sanity but mine :)   . I know its hard and frustrating but I found myself and he both a little relaxed by not thinking THIS IS IT ! THIS IS THE DAY!  . Do you give each other  massages/take a bath before  or  mix up when you have sex?
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers BFP ! March 2011 TTC since Jan 2010 Blood work CD 3 -normal Diagnosed with slight case of PCOS Nov 2010 S/A - High count , low morph and mobility Use acupuncture/herbs to regulate cycles
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  • MrsLisaGMrsLisaG member
    We started having the same problem.  It was a mix between the pressure and how often we were having sex around ovulation.  We tried mixing it up.  We bought lingerie and did role playing and tried it in different rooms than just the bedroom.  We do massages and foreplay.  It's actually been amazing for a sex life.  By spicing it up a bit and adding more variation, he became really excited for ovulation time.  It worked for us.  Good luck!
    My Ovulation Chart

    March 2011 100mg Clomid+Estradoil+HCG Trigger+IUI#1=BFN

    April 2011 100mg Clomid+Estradoil+HCG Trigger+IUI#2 on 4/14/11

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  • asl71476asl71476

    imageMrsLisaG:
    We started having the same problem.  It was a mix between the pressure and how often we were having sex around ovulation.  We tried mixing it up.  We bought lingerie and did role playing and tried it in different rooms than just the bedroom.  We do massages and foreplay.  It's actually been amazing for a sex life.  By spicing it up a bit and adding more variation, he became really excited for ovulation time.  It worked for us.  Good luck!

    This absolutely. We had the same problem - and I did start saying out loud "This is it!! It's TODAY!!!" which was probably not the smartest choice I've ever made. MH has made a few comments in the past about wanting to have sex in places in our house other than the bedroom - so, basically I started paying attention to those comments and "capitalizing" on the suggestion! GL!

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  • AmsterdamMa*amAmsterdamMa*am
    imagehoosierbaby76:

    Second, if we doesn't "finish", do we even have a prayer to get pg?  Is there enough sperm in "pre-ejac" to work?  We are getting ready to start IUI cycle #2 and hopefully that will give me at least one chance, but the days leading up to IUI and after, DH hasnt been able to "finish".  Ugggg.... so frustrating!

    I think it is highly unlikely that you will get pregnant from "pre-ejac."  We have been using the pull out method for 5 years and I've never gotten pregnant.  My DH has also had some trouble finishing.  Today we walked to the sex store and got a vibrator, he watched me while I used it, lots of foreplay and massage and he was able to get off.  I agree with PP, massage, kisses, mixing it up.  GOOD LUCK!  It is really frustrating. 

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  • CantWait2BeCantWait2Be member
    Just wanted to say we had he same problem last cycle and having more sex earlier in the cycle made things worse because then we were both worn out. I'm hoping we don't have a repeat this cycle but once it happens that adds more stress/pressure. Sucks.
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  • lynn97lynn97 member

    THANK GOD other people have this issue sometimes!! (Sorry you are all dealing with this, too!) I always worry that there's something wrong w/DH when this happens to us as I never experienced it w/other partners (less during marathon sex).  We've gotten better. I've stopped telling him when Peak Day is (I think it's just too much pressure for him). We can't do every day (usually) b/c that seems to make this issue worse for him too. We have just worked to make things more relaxed and that's worked well for us.

    It's so hard to not burst into tears and freak out on him but I don't think that helps anyone. (Sad to say, yes, I've lost it before Embarrassed )

    Oh well - GL to you. Hopefully some of the advice on here will help you guys!

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  • dlschloesserdlschloesser
    imagelynn97:

    It's so hard to not burst into tears and freak out on him but I don't think that helps anyone. (Sad to say, yes, I've lost it before Embarrassed )

    I've been there too! You just want to cry but then that makes it worse so you want to cry more! Arg!

    It's a huge bummer and it's really hard to not feel at least a little crummy after a hot and steamy session ends with... nothing. Keep your chin up and try mixing things up as much as you can! GL!!!

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