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redshoegirl
member
struggling with returning to work
redshoegirl
member
I might DD this later, just because I don't like to put much work related stuff out there...
I've been having a really hard time with the idea of returning to work. I enjoy my job and I know I'll be able to get used to being away from the boys, so that's not the problem - the issue is that since I've been away from work, a lot of things have changed there, and not for the better. It's a library so it's always been a bit uptight lol, but several friend co-workers have told me lately that it's much worse lately. One friend is leaving because things have gotten so bad, and another is being not-so-subtly punished for taking a stand and not letting her rights be trampled (so she's looking for somewhere else to work as well).
It's hard enough leaving my boys, but knowing that I'll be walking back into that mess ties my stomach into knots. I'm not going to look for another job because I have a sweet maternity deal (I work 3 days a week while getting paid for 5 days until June - although after that, all bets are off), but I just really really don't want to go back.
I keep looking at my sons and remembering that I'm doing this for them - because although we could survive on Ben's income, we couldn't live, if you know what I mean. (I know that taking the boys on vacations and buying them books and toys isn't everything, but I grew up in a very poor home and I can tell you that it's a hell of a lot!)
I'm not really looking for advice, just...I don't know. A shoulder to cry on? I think Ben's is getting soggy. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: struggling with returning to work
Yeah, that's rough. I know what you mean! I delayed going back to work for a month by quitting my old job and getting a new one but it's rough because I have to spend more time in the office in the beginning to ramp up on a new job. But I heard that all moms cry the first day they go back so I tried to suck it up and not cry, only to break down two days ago when I cried myself to sleep =P So much for that...
But yeah, it's so hard to leave your baby (babies, in your case)! But you do have a sweet maternity deal...you can always just go back for a bit and check it out for yourself and see how it goes. At least if it's not too bad and you still end up enjoying your work there, then you have the option of continuing rather than quitting from the get-go without knowing for sure if it would work out for you or not. But yeah, I guess you're not really looking for advice, although I just kinda threw in my 2 cents =P
))HUGS(( You're definitely not alone here...I wanna be a SAHM now =P
I'm sorry
I'm feeling the same way as you right now- I am going back to work beginning of October. I don't want to leave my son!!!
I was going to look for a new job too but decided against it b/c I've been with the company for a while and the hours and job itself is very flexible (they're paying me f/t next week but don't have to do actual work until oct 4 
)
good luck with your decision!
Hugs to you! Returning to work is hard/stressful/emotional even when you're going back to a good job!
Is it possible that the change towards a more uptight climate may even out in a few months? My old job would go through phases like that depending on the administrative politics. After a year of it I just laid low during those phases to ride it out.
Married Bio
i'm sorry. lots of hugs!
my unsolicited advice/opinion - if i were you, i'd tell myself that i'm going back for a set amount of time (maybe at least as long as you can work pt but get paid ft), just to see for myself what it's like. and who knows, if people are really that unhappy, maybe they'll realize this isn't working and the environment will go back to the way things were.
MH and I have always agreed I would have the option to be a SAHM, but having my income is definitely nice...I've commited to myself that I will return to work for at least, say, 6 months, before deciding one way or the other. we'll see how i feel about it when the time comes!
This is along the lines of the advice I was going to offer too. Stay at least long enough to get your maternity leave benefits and see if, in that time, the office climate changes. That will also buy you time to figure out if you really can SAH and/or at least start looking for a different job. Maybe even parttime? As for living on one salary...you mentioned vacations and such...do you plan to vacation with the boys in the next 3-5 years? If not, then perhaps you could figure out a way to SAH (fulltime or even parttime) until they are school age. Just an idea...sometimes priorities change after the baby comes. I know it did for me and I never thought I'd ever want to be a SAHM and now? It's all I can think about somedays. But as the primary income earner and benefits provider for my family it's totally out of the question right now.
Big hugs to you...returning to work is tough even if you love your job and well, when the environment you're returning too is toxic, well, that makes it all the more difficult.
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This is pretty much my plan at the moment - I'm sitting tight at least until my benefits run out, and then will look at things again...whether I need to change workplaces, or go to part time permanently, etc.
Actually yes...we already have a trip planned for next Easter. There are a lot of benefits to living in a small city in the country as we do (population is about 29k, so I do mean small), but one of the downsides is that you HAVE to get out sometimes or you end up with a raging case of cabin fever. We're not going anywhere exotic (just to the south-east coast for a week), but it all still adds up, you know?
it sounds like you have a good plan, to go back and see for yourself what it's like...and, you never know how others' perspectives are compared to yours. and, if you want to vent/talk to someone who understands where you are coming from (not the baby part but the working in libraries and having not so great work environments...) i am sure my friend would be happy to chat w/you via email as she has been in at least 2 different libraries now if i'm not mistaken...with the most recent location being to the PNW.
anyway, it's ok to feel the way you do right now, but don't fret over it until you actually go back and see how it is. *big hugs* going back to work isn't easy.
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
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