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Including DH (Long)

wifeofaussiewifeofaussie
in Stay at Home Moms

My DH works very long, odd hours.  During the week, he really only sees DD asleep since he leaves for work before she wakes and comes home after she's in bed for the night.  I feel so bad for him!  I know this won't go on forever but we're going to be stuck in this situation for about another 2 months. 

The problem I'm having is that DD and I have sort of gotten into a routine - chores I do each day, her play time and nap times, errand days, etc.  You know how it goes...just the day to day.  DH has weekends at home and occasionally, like this week, will have a couple of days off at home with us.  When he is home, I give DD to him as much as he wants and let him take over bath duty and bedtime and all of that.  The problem is that I feel like I'm nagging/dictating to him how things should be done.  When he's home, he just wants to play and cuddle with her, which is understandable, but when DD gets sleep deprived, she is a real handful.  I don't have her on a set schedule but she does have a bed time and when she starts acting tired, that is nap time.  He doesn't really get why this is important and prefers to wait until she is overtired and wailing.  I feel like the evil mommy ogre who comes in and ruins his fun when I tell him that if he takes her downstairs to play when he wakes up at 2 am, it messes her up and she's fussy for the better part of the following day.  

Any idea how I can get the point across to him without sounding like a nag or a dictator?  I don't want to make him feel like an 'outsider' (for lack of a better term) but I don't want him keeping DD up at all hours either   

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Re: Including DH (Long)

  • kimilanekimilane
    Let him have a day with DD to himself where he has to deal with the "handful" and everything. He'll quickly realize that keeping her up makes your life a lot more difficult.
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  • jenifairiesjenifairies
    What kimi said. When he sees what the result of overtired is, he'll change his tune quick.
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  • happy_wifehappy_wife

    While I would like to think that if DH had a day with DS alone he would 'figure it out/get what I do with his schedule' that wouldn't happen. In all honesty, DH would think that the day he had with DS was odd and DS was being a pill or something. Not to say that DH wouldn't want to know what to do, but sometimes there just isn't any substitute for mom. We just know how to think three steps ahead. I would let DH know whatever he does with DC is fine, but it is in everyone's best interest to put DC to bed at X times. 

     

    Sorry if this may sound harsh, and my DH is amazing(!!!) but I am anal an know how I am.

     Just my 2 cents.  

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  • pinksweetpea2pinksweetpea2 member

    Another way around is to remind him that nap time = break time form Mommy and Daddy to hang out together.  Just a different approach.  We love nap time in our house. :)

    I learned a long time ago to let go of most of the routines during the weekends. Naps and bedtime are still in place (although nap might come a 1/2-hour later depending on what we are doing), but otherwise we go with the flow.

    I understand how it is to be anal, but you really have to let go a little bit.  Yes, kids like schedules...but they like their Daddy's more.

    GL 


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  • ariel06ariel06 member
    imagehappy_wife:

    While I would like to think that if DH had a day with DS alone he would 'figure it out/get what I do with his schedule' that wouldn't happen. In all honesty, DH would think that the day he had with DS was odd and DS was being a pill or something. Not to say that DH wouldn't want to know what to do, but sometimes there just isn't any substitute for mom. We just know how to think three steps ahead. I would let DH know whatever he does with DC is fine, but it is in everyone's best interest to put DC to bed at X times. 

     

    Sorry if this may sound harsh, and my DH is amazing(!!!) but I am anal an know how I am.

     Just my 2 cents.  

    This is my house too.  DH is not one for schedules and does not see how DS won't sleep in if we keep him up late.

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  • wifeofaussiewifeofaussie
    imageariel06:
    imagehappy_wife:

    While I would like to think that if DH had a day with DS alone he would 'figure it out/get what I do with his schedule' that wouldn't happen. In all honesty, DH would think that the day he had with DS was odd and DS was being a pill or something. Not to say that DH wouldn't want to know what to do, but sometimes there just isn't any substitute for mom. We just know how to think three steps ahead. I would let DH know whatever he does with DC is fine, but it is in everyone's best interest to put DC to bed at X times. 

     

    Sorry if this may sound harsh, and my DH is amazing(!!!) but I am anal an know how I am.

     Just my 2 cents.  

    This is my house too.  DH is not one for schedules and does not see how DS won't sleep in if we keep him up late.

     

    It must just be a man thing or something.  DH is a great father and I really try not to be anal retentive about the little things.  I just wish he understood this is not just me being anal, she really does need her sleep.  Oh well!  Maybe PP's are right.  Once he's home enough to see how fussy it makes her, maybe he'll start agreeing with me that it's important Smile

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