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Blended Families
BM isnt so perfect...
Last week i posted about going on vacation and leaving ss with my soon to be husbands parents during our week.(and got a lot of *** about it might i add) Well baby moma left yesterday on vacation. My fiance talked to her on monday about us picking him up from school on tuesday and keeping him till next friday. I was excited to have him the extra 4 days i wanted to get him ready for our wedding. he needs a hair cut, to try on his suit that he is so exicited for. Well my inlaws are at his school waiting for him to get out when BM shows up. She tells my in laws that she has changed her mind and she will be leaving him with her mother instead. NO NOTICE TO ANYONE!!! My in laws dont argue about it, they just leave. She was a complete *** to them when she was married to my fiance so they know not to waiste there breath. I call soon to be H and let him know what happend and he is pissed. He hates her mothers house, lots of people always in and out, drinking fighting and god knows what else. i tell him he cant say anything since as long as the parent thinks it safe they can leave the child with anyone they choose.
Well point is BM did worse by promising her son that he would be with us and than sending him to her moms.. He loves being at my soon to be in laws and must have been so upset that they didnt pick him up.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BM isnt so perfect...
BM stands for Birth Mother or Biological Mother. Not Baby Momma....you are not winning friends and influencing people here.
Either your FI needs to get a CO that says your FI has right of first refusal to be with his son when he isn't with the mother or HE needs to enforce the one he's got.
1. Don't say baby moma
2. Okay, so she said he'd be with you and sent him to her parents instead. You didn't give her an option (or a heads up) and sent him to your FI parents. At most, she did SLIGHTLY worse than you.
"BM stands for Birth Mother or Biological Mother. Not Baby Momma....you are not winning friends and influencing people here."
This exactly. Of course you would get crap from us for going on vacation and not bringing your soon to be SS with you. That sucks! How is he supposed to feel like part of this new family when he isn't included.
Second, I don't really see why your FI even cares where he went since you guys didn't really want him around for vacation anyways. If you guys are so concerned about it go get the CO.
We of couse gave her a heads up. she knew when and were he was going to be and never once did she say i would love to keep him the extra week. She did have the option. Problem with her is, say she does agree to watch him on our days. she will later find a way to throw it in our faces that she had him 9 insted of 7 days. We just go with it if its 9 days instead of 7 great more time for us. Now when she told us that she was going on a trip, my fiance told her i want to watch him while your gone. And still she did this.
She would have flipped if we even asked if she wanted to watch him.
Direct quote from the discussion about your vacation. So did you offer him to her, or didn't you? Get your story straight.
And possession is 9/10 of the law and unless a judge says otherwise the PARENT that has the child makes the rules.
Instead of whining here about how unfair and evil the BM is why don't you pressure your lackluster FI about actually enforcing his rights as a father.
Right now he seems from your posts to roll over and take it, so it must not bother him as much as it bothers you.
You said in your other post she created problems while you guys were away, and when you got back. What did she do?
She would have flipped if we even asked if she wanted to watch him.
Direct quote from the discussion about your vacation. So did you offer him to her, or didn't you? Get your story straight.
We shouldnt have to offer her son to her. We told her that we were leaving and that since it fell on our days his parents would watch him. she never said no ill watch him. Yes she would have flipped maybe not that at that moment she would have said yes ill watch him like she has before. But sure enough when we get back she would have said i had to watch him so many days. she will find any way to throw it in our faces that she had more days than us.she has done it before, and she wasnt upset that we left him at his parents she was upset that we went on vacation and they never did when they were married. She didnt offer us to watch him we told her we wanted to.She kept up with the same problems. We didnt argue with her about anything. let her do what she pleases. If we fight her on something she just keeps it up. Unless its something major than yes we will say something.
My Future husband is a great dad to his son. If he wasnt i dont believe i would be having a baby with him or getting married.
When did anyone every question whether or not he was a good father, because I am not seeing it.
You are very defensive over nothing.
I'm totally envisioning you going "Na, na na na na na! BM's a bad parent too, not just us!!!" and sticking your tongue out like a 4 year old....
Fact is, #1, her doing this, does not negate the fact that you and your FI did something similar first. and #2, 2 wrongs do NOT make a right. your SS is the one who is losing out in all of this petty back and forth immaturity!
I never held you, but I always loved you.
Baby Squirt- September 2009
Baby Turtle- May 2010
Baby Surprise- August 2011
I think she is being defensive because she is being attacked for having the audacity to go on vacation without her SS. DH and I go on 1 holiday without SS EVERY YEAR, do I feel guilty, hell no I actually feel entitled. My parents went on holiday and left my brother and I with our grandparents, don?t remember if CPS were called
.
This girl is Mexican and some of her family still lives there. IMO she is 100% ENTITLED to visit them without her Fi son. NO she should absolutely not stay at a resort, as opposed to with her father, so SS can come. That is complete nonsense IMO.
Do any of you have the audacity to visit your PARENTS without your SC??? Hers just happen to live in MEXICO.
Personally I don?t like the term baby momma but it's not the end of the friggin world - mention it and move on already.
OP do you have a CO and if so what does it say? If your DH has right of first refusal then she is in contempt. If not then unfortunately until it interferes with your CO'ed visitation you are sh!t out of luck.
The fact that BM pulled this stunt sucks, the fact that your ILs were treated bad by her sucks. BUT pp are right, this is not a p!ssing competition, the tone of your post is... you think we are bad, well she is worse. I get that you felt attached so came back to 'redeem' yourself. You redeem yourself by being the bigger person and doing right by your SS. There is some good advice in pp like, take the high road, act like an adult and communicate properly with BM. Sitting back taking pot shots at each other only hurts your SS.
Forget BM, you can't change or control her. You can only move forward and build a good life for you, DH, SS and the baby. Then at least your SS will have some stability in his life.
I guess a way to look at this board would be that it is a place for personal reflection. What can I do to make my BF experience better? People often vent about the BSC other in their life but in general the advice will be, what you can do to protect yourself from BSC people. If you are trying to compete with BSC then let?s face it, you?ve caught the bug yourself.
I have to agree with Phantom a bit. I went on a vacation to London and Amsterdam in May and I left the baby home with my parents. I do not remember any of you yelling at me about it.
There are going to be times in our lives, where the timing of an event (sister's graduation, BFF's wedding, a surgery, funeral, etc) sucks and doesn't fall on . Does that mean that you turn down being her Maid of Honor or not be the pall-barer at Great Uncle Bobby's funeral?
Sometimes it just happens.
As to the OP's problem with BM. Until there is a right of first refusal in the CO (which could bite her in the butt too), there is not much she cna do about.
Wow, I'm going to start with you should not cut that child's hair without speaking to his mother about it first. He is not your child.
I made this point in your last thread....if you think you are a better person than her you should be stepping up and trying to make the relationship better. You sound ignorant and ugly. When she was pregnant with that child that you are playing house with right now...she was you. Think about that. Do you want someone taking control of your child in a few years?
She is not being attacked for going on vacation without her SS. In her original OP, she was attacked because she said they went away without SS, left him with the IL's and BM was pissed. She did not clarify until much later that BM knew this was the arrangement (and I question that).
I am the last person on this board to say that you shouldn't go on vacay without your children. IMO, all adults should have childfree time. The tone of her post, was again, IMO very shady. They didn't want to take SS not because they wanted an adult vacay or because it was an important family event (that came out way later, at first it was just vacay) but because it would be hot and they didn't want him to get sick from strange food. That is pretty lame.
Had she clearly told her "story" from the begining, she would have gotten much different reactions. That said, she still has not said what BM does that causes such issues, other than talking crap. The stunt that she pulled at the school sucks, but it doesn't answer what she did that was so OMG awful while they were in and when they got back from Mexico.
She is getting "attacked" in this post because it is NOT about keeping score between BM's actions and their own-and she apparently thinks that it is. If she continues to do that, she will make herself crazy-although I think she is already crossing that line. She is getting "attacked" in this post because they don't have a CO in place that outlines right of first refusal, so there is no legal action they can take at this point. She is being "attacked" because she clearly will never try to be the bigger person here and (or shall I say her H) and communicate openly with BM about their plans in a way that doesn't make things harder or make BM defensive.
ETA- She quoted me when she got defensive about her H being a good father. I am sure he is. I never said he wasn't, hence why I said she was being defensive over nothing.
If you don't want to have to deal with the BS of her throwing things in your face, plan your vacation times when SS isn't with you if you aren't going to take him with. I think all parents should have first right of refusel, before grandparents get rights to the children.
Instead of whining here about how unfair and evil the BM is why don't you pressure your lackluster FI about actually enforcing his rights as a father.
Right now he seems from your posts to roll over and take it, so it must not bother him as much as it bothers you.
You know she still has never answered WHY they don't enforce or have a CO. I can only draw the conclusion it doesn't bother him as much or he only gives her lip service that it does to further the illusion he will be a better father to ther child they have together than the one he currently has b/c the BM is BSC.